Tag: writing

oh sn-app!

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Can we just talk about this for a hot sec? Apps – on your phone, on your tablet.. wherever..

I was just currently using a coloring book app and my 5min Journal app.

Two things that once required actual work: writing in a journal and coloring in a book.

What has become of us?! Honestly, speaking solely on behalf of myself, I mostly use the coloring app when I’m bored and at the laundromat. The 5min Journal, I added as a complement to my normal leather-bound journal to keep me focused and as stress-free as possible while I’m at work.

But I think of these things as I recall a co-worker yelling in my door as he walks by.. “They don’t teach cursive in schools anymore, did you know that!?” and wonder.. is this why communication is dying? We are so consumed by “easier” and “convenient” we have lost touch of authenticity.

And I know this conversation happens on a daily basis. Even as this tool of a computer helps me get a few random thoughts across to the blogging public vs reading a paper or magazine. I too am victim of some sort of “easy” technology. But when did technology become a tool for us to no longer think for ourselves? Because let’s be real, a blogging site is more so a network of writers sharing thoughts and ideas, we still need to think in order to type. So this version of technology has been a positive impact, and accomplished what it was meant to – bringing people and ideas together. But something like a coloring app? There’s no more thoughtfulness as to choice of color, working that pencil or crayon even, blending colors, or even accepting a color that you can’t go back on now.. you really should have chosen the forest green.. 😐 I mean there are apps for dating now.. meeting real people! How do you use 35 seconds of an app and a photo to know someone?

I don’t know, maybe my age is showing.. I mean, I remember when the internet was born. I remember dial-up, and AOL.. It’s fascinating and scary all at the time.

And yet we still have these conversations that the world is losing touch, relying on technology to a fault. Yet there is never any change. We don’t change our process, we just fall deeper into technology, and apps in particular, that take something meaningful, like meeting a person, capturing memories, expressing yourself, and even creating art.. and turning it into the same motion as changing the channel on a TV.

 

 

 

missing quote

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I’ve been searching for about 30 minutes now for a quote I saw a few days back. I wish I had screen-shot it, or saved it..

It went something like this:

“Just because you have a bad day at work, doesn’t mean you have a bad job. Just because you have a good day at work, doesn’t mean you have a good job.”

And if I remember correctly it was another line or two longer about the overall feeling your job has on you. (If someone is familiar with this and can share, I’d love to have a copy of the actual quote, because I wanted to post it as reference) I could also be off on the wording as well, so I apologize in advance.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking and re-stating (what I can remember) this since I saw it. I’m questioning my own feelings about my situation. Are they just bad days? Or are they just good days?

 

 

 

 

The first..

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

..day.

Here I am, as promised – I can do this! And don’t worry, I won’t name every post in conjunction with the days of the month. Today really feels like the first of something though. I do often feel this way this time of year because my Birthday month is officially over, and I view this time as my New Year.

But today was a little different. It began as most days do, get up, get ready, go to work.. I was feeling good, only working a 1/2 day motivated me into being productive. I got a lot done, then headed out into the most gorgeous weather.. so unexpected! It was absolutely beautiful out. I went to get lunch..

I had a paleo smoothie and a steak bowl with rice and veggies from, where else! Whole Foods 🙂 Sounds pretty decent, right? But that’s where everything changed. I don’t know if it was what I ate, or maybe the sun was confusing my senses.. But all of a sudden, I just wanted to go home. I looked at myself, having to unbutton the top button of my pants thinking.. has it really gotten to this!? I was uncomfortable.

Mind you, I’m a small person by nature anyway, but there is one time in my life where I sort of “let go” of myself so bad that I was uncomfortable. Well now, let’s make that two. The last time this happened, was about 6 years ago. A year after that, I made a huge life change.

This time around, I will admit, after the wedding I was in back in November, I pulled like a wild I’M DONE moment and wanted to eat a cookie, or 25. Stress from work did not help the situation, and I am a terrible stress-eater. I stopped going to the gym, yoga, my trainer, running. And now here I am.. almost 4 months later with my “fat” pants that now also no longer fit. I actually pulled these pants out of my year-old Salvation Army pile.. yes, that bad.. They no longer fit me. Well now, they no longer fit in a whole new way 😦

I’m sure this  happens to the best of us, where “life just keeps happening” and we “lose track of time”, and ourselves. Until that one day.. today apparently for me.. you look at yourself, and don’t even know what you’re looking at anymore.

It’s funny because this feeling has many facets.. I also felt this way right after my divorce, not in this sense of pant size necessarily, but emotionally. Then again, I also wasn’t eating at the time, so my pant size probably did make me sad at the time also. Anyway, I didn’t let myself go per say, but I lost who I was and didn’t know who was staring me in the face anymore. Point is, my health journey encompasses so many aspects of other life journeys that in a time like today, it’s sort of humbling to stare at myself and question what is actually happening to have put me in this situation.

Interestingly enough, it’s also day 1 of my personal Blog Challenge.. I almost didn’t even open up my computer. I made myself feel better by shopping online – got new “larger” pants for work, and other items sort of as punishment, because if I don’t get my act together, those items won’t fit. I can’t believe I even admitted that.

Anyway, I “forced” myself to blog today – I made myself a promise, and if there is one person I always challenge and work to make proud, it’s myself. So the plan is to use that same motivation on myself directly. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I can do this.

And to be clear, this has nothing to do with pant-size directly, but my comfort. More so, how I view myself. I don’t think anyone out there ever wants to look in a mirror and be disappointed. I didn’t want to disappoint myself by not typing at least 5 words today.. I can use that same motivation with myself.

Let’s see what other first days come out of this.

21 days to form a habit

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I know, I know, there are balls that keep dropping!

Well, for a quick update, Birthday Month has been in full effect and finishes in 7 days! 😦

I hope with this new year and new beginning, you all can feel my positive energy seeping through whatever screen you are using to read this!

Speaking of New Beginnings! I have a plan – I like giving myself mini-challenges, like when I signed up for a 30-day Bikram Yoga Challenge two years ago.. that was the best shape I’ve been in, and the best feeling os self I’ve had in a long time.. so why did I stop!? Well, I know myself enough to know I need challenges. Call it boredom or loving new things, but I definitely start feeling stagnant when I start feeling comfortable or feel like I’ve reached some sort of personal goal. I need, and I’m sure many do, another push, something either a little bit harder, or something new that uses new muscles – mentally and physically.

And thus, my challenge was born.. So, for those who don’t follow me on social media, every year on my Birthday Month, I bombard Facebook with #quotesfordays. It’s really the only time of year I’m actually “social” lol. I share a quote, or three, daily to spread happiness, inspiration, ideas, and everyday thoughts I find interesting or insightful. Over the long weekend I thought about this and wondered.. if I can take 5min sometimes 10min of my day to post a random quote, then why havent I been able to do that with my blog? There are plenty of short blogs, strange blogs, blogs filled with nonsense.. All of which don’t need hours at a computer to express a thought. And if I have been struggling the past year to even post one thing, then why have I not used this idea or strategy to sort of “force” myself to tap my little fingers and create some words?

So once February ends.. my challenge is for the month of March, I will post something, whether it be 5 words or 500, just any blog post to fill your little feeds with my crazy brain.

The way I see it, after 31 days of tip-tapping I should have formed some sort of habit right? Just as my title reads – sadly however, if that didn’t work with yoga, I am still questioning the outcome of what’s to come when April hits. As James Clear recently taught me while researching this 21 day theory:

On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In Lally’s study, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit. http://jamesclear.com/new-habit

So ok, that’s a little sad that I may not form a habit.. but it definitely kick-starts something. Because I still do yoga.. I’m just not as consistent.. mainly because I also enjoy running, and weight-lifting, and playing volleyball. I told you, I get bored. And I do still write in a journal also, so I’ve got to find balance.

Honestly, my goal is to get to a point where I can post something at least once a month, until I become a famous blogger, of course. 😉 And if this personal challenge can dust off my brain and remind me why I loved writing/blogging in the first place, then I will celebrate success.

I hope you are all as excited as I am! Here’s to Birthday Month and New Beginnings! And of course, thank you all for continuing to read, even one view means a whole lot ❤

I’ll see you all again in about 7 days! 🙂

Cheers!

 

Sunday Vibes

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Ok, I know, I lied a little lol.

I really did mean to dive right back in the writing world – to be honest, I need it. I need to get better – for myself. I love putting words and ideas on paper but I still have a lot of work to do in order to express myself properly.. Not only that, I need it for myself – even at this very moment, I am kicking myself bc just these few words on this screen are releasing emotions I have missed.

But this post isn’t about my lies – lol

I wanted to share just how lovely this Sunday has been.

I woke up to raindrops outside – the sweet, rhythmic sound of those small, little H2O pieces of joy, tapping at my window. It was late for me, about 10:30am. I was slightly shocked, but also relieved that my body allowed me this time to recover from the past week. This is a rare occasion.. Even on the most stressful of days/weeks, I can’t sleep past 7am. Weekends especially,  there is breakfast to be had, errands to run!

But today, I was happily awakened by a piece of nature that I adore so much. I was cozy and warm, with my white, fluffy comforter and festive sheets. Face-up in a pile of pillows with what little light was coming through the window. A relaxed sense of my surroundings, calm, and comforting.. like fall in New England.. all I was missing was a warm beverage.

From that point on, the rest of my day has been nothing but wonderful. Brunch at one of my favorite places, my favorite latte, and then some small errands.

But really, nothing beats this mornings feeling – I’m so glad its still a little drizzly and cloudy.. It’s helping make this feeling last through the 4pm hour, and hopefully until sunset.

Hope you all have also had a wonderful Sunday so far.. It’s days like today that really slap the blessings in your face. A soft slap, lol, like clouds. I’m pretty grateful on a daily basis, but I do love these moments of affirmation, these small reminders of how amazing simple pleasures can be.

Stay blessed my friends ❤

 

 

The prodigal blogger

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Dear internet friends and fellow readers.. for those who still read..

I am back! sort of – it’s strange really, one day my brain just started flooding with ideas to write about – Everyday issues in an array of topics.. It’s like the past 7 mo I was having writers block and I cleaned out my ears to let some light into my brain.

Hopefully those who I enjoyed blogging with are still out there in interweb-verse. I feel behind in my reading too.. Not sure why it is now, though, that I was slapped with this emotion, idea, wonderment, and an urge to type again.. but I’ll take it.

Even this sad min intro-post – it’s terrible really lol, but I had to reach out and prepare you for what is to come.

Will it all be interesting, fulfilling, even well-written? Probably not – lol – but I do hope to get conversation out there again with everyday challenges and my perspective on this life’s journey of making every day better for us all.

Hope you all have been well, I’m looking forward to a few new posts soon and get these blog posts rollin’.

till next time,

cheers!

 

 

its that time.. that should be happening ALL the time..

~ NewBeginnings ~ 2 Comments

Come November of every year.. everyone and their second cousin (all of a sudden!) starts to become ‘thankful’.. Posting things on social sites of thankfulness throughout the holidays (what happened to the rest of the year!?).. And knowing theres not much I can do to stop this, I guess I’ll just embrace it, knowing that hey, if people can only bring it upon themselves to be thankful and hopeful just two months out of the year, then I guess thats better than no months at all. So go ahead world! – start over-posting and filling my pages with your ‘thanks’ for two months – then come January (or Black Friday for that matter) go back to being ‘normal’.

Aside from my normal crap I blog and post about (being thankful and blessed constantly, appreciative of love – which I know most people are bored of all year long.. until, well, now – because I guess this is normal protocol just for the holidays) I do feel an overwhelming sense of extra thanks and love. And well, maybe thats why most people hold off till the holidays to express this as well (although I’m not saying it’s ok, because, as mentioned, we all really should be ‘bored’ with this thankful ‘crap’ all year long).

 

Anyway, I digress – the point of this post is to sort of play catch-up. Like I mentioned, I too, get extra sentimental this time of year, and I wanted to participate in what some people are doing this month – A ‘gratitude’ or ‘thankful’ challenge the month of November for 30 days. Since I’m so behind, I decided I can wrap this up in one – LONG – blog post and list 30 things I am thankful for this year. Keep in mind, this is/was hard for me considering I’m thankful daily (I know, I know – barf), so to narrow down my top 30 is like trying to pick 30 of my favorite birthdays! #impossible Haha, but I’m gonna try.

And to be honest, I literally updated this list like 5 times 🙂

 

In no particular order – This past year, I am thankful for:

1. waking up every single day: Given the fact that tomorrow is never a promise, I am thankful that God continues to give me more time on this crazy planet – everyday has definitely been an adventure.

2. learning to love someone: Although I am in a sad situation of loving someone who may never love me back, it’s amazing to learn how real love can actually calm you. Just knowing someone is healthy, happy, and doing well, is like a good drug – say, like coffee! 😉 And you learn to understand that it doesn’t matter how you fit into their lives, so long as you are able to continue to be a good part of it.

3. love: Yes, this is separate – because love alone transcends across many parts of our lives. Love of friends, love of co-workers, love of self, love of coffee, love of owls.. I can go on.. but you know what I mean. Just knowing love exists in some form, is grand.

4. Jeffrey Scales: Enough with the shocked faces people. Jeffrey is an amazing person. Amazing. Those who know him, probably know this already. After all this time, he is still annoyed with my unconventional way of thinking/life, and is still able to make a joke out of anything. On top of that, he genuinely asks how me and my crazy family are. That’s what I am most thankful for – he’s genuine. It’s not easy finding people who are real. And although most of our communication now is through work means, it’s a blessing to still be able to keep in touch and know we are still friends on some level. Thank you, for being you, Jeffrey.

5. new england: I know I ran away from you off to the land of hippies and lengthy coastlines, but the thanks I have for your seasons, food, patriotism, sports, holiday embrace, and traditions, can’t be expressed into words. I just cry about it now haha 😉 This would’ve been #1 if I had to rank it. I do love the move I made, but the things I have listed you can’t find anywhere else.. It’s what I miss most (second to my peeps obvi!)

6. work: The past year of work has been.. tumultuous to say the least. I am not doing what I love, but I sure have learned a lot and put myself through a lot of tests – literally and figuratively – I am grateful though, for the people I have met, the paychecks, and the experiences that have provided me a new perspective on what I want for myself, career-wise. Overall, it has been a huge learning experience.

7. food: As a self-proclaimed foodie, I am so thankful for all the new food experiences I have had. Gem deserves a HUGE thankful part of that, and so does James – more so for my everyday eating habits. I learned how to actually prepare food for work, and learned a lot about how to manage what my body needs. It’s still a learning process daily, but I am just so thankful I know how to eat such great stuff.. and know the difference #foodsnob 😉

8. owls: Ok, I mean, here’s another that probably needs no explanation. I freakin love owls! They are a little treasure of my life and I’m thankful there are so many awesome things that can come in owl-form.

9: God: 9 is a Holy number, so I gave it to God. 🙂 I know theres a lot of God-talk (or more so, non-God-talk) out there, and if you read the book, Eat, Pray, Love, the moment where she speaks to God the first time, braking down on her bathroom floor, crying.. She explains why she calls it, ‘God’ the end of that section has a line, “What kind of God do you believe in?” my answer is easy: “I believe in a magnificent God.”” Yes. Just, yes. Elizabeth Gilbert did a fantastic job describing how and why she prays and why it’s to God. I can relate 110%. God is also a comfortable name for me. Either way, THANK YOU to God, who has helped me through the best and the worst this life could give me. Thank you for continuing to give me a chance to make myself better, and be better to others. Thank you for always being there, even though I’m a terrible listener sometimes. Thank you for continuing to be patient with me – even though I still struggle with that virtue. Thank you, too, for teaching me in the past year about the many things we don’t know, and how it has made me realize, to just do me.. because thats all I can do. And that those who judge me – fail to look at themselves first. This in turn, made me look at myself as well.. first.. before potentially judging. And of course, thank you, to God and the universe for always keeping me on track – and for providing a beautiful world to look at. More so, for teaching me to appreciate the simple things – seasons, first snow fall, sun sets and sun rises, rainbows, rain, all the things nature gives us – it really is a beautiful life.

10: yoga: Although there are only like 2 instructors where I practice that allow me to use yoga for my benefit, the practice itself I am extremely thankful for. It allows me to not think, and provides a great practice of mind/body connection that I have a hard time finding in other activities. It’s my form of meditation – even though I practice Bikram which ultimately is just working out in a sauna and sweating profusely – it allows me to find calmness in my hectic emotional frame. It’s sort of amazing how much anxiety I can let go of after a class. I just wish I had time to go more often..

11: wine: Need I say more? Thank you to all the grapes in the world that make this amazing beverage which helps me keep my sanity, allows for great dates, great conversation, and the best booze while you are eating well. 😉

12: coffee: Ok here’s another. Haha.. Whats that quote? “Lord give me coffee to change the things I can change, and wine to accept the things I can’t.” So really this goes hand-in-hand with wine. 😉 Another thing I thank coffee for is the fact that it calms me. I know it’s strange, but I can drink coffee before bed.. and nothing relaxes me more than a good cappuccino after dinner. I don’t know what it is.. but coffee is my tangible anxiety release.

13: birthdays: duh. You knew this was coming.. Haha! Everyone should be thankful for Birthdays! I know everyone is sick of me saying this, but you can’t deny the truth: To celebrate another birthday, at the very least, means you can celebrate another day on this earth. Ultimately, being thankful for birthdays is just another way to be thankful for life.

14: Mish: Per usual, I think of you and cry #typical. Haha! Another one of my genuine people – thank you for keeping me close to you, even after I ran off to coast of the West.. You have been my greatest rock this past year. You are the one constant in my life that, even through a month or two of not speaking, can still keep me grounded through just a text for Facebook post. (I seriously only keep it for you – I’d get rid of it otherwise) I don’t know how we do it, but it’s true, just thinking of you makes me better. You always know what to say – because, like me, you get it. You take time to understand. You never tell me what I want to hear, and not even necessarily what I need to hear either.. it’s just.. the Truth. #loveyou xoxo ❤

15: flowers: I mean, how can anyone NOT be thankful for flowers. They are a beautiful, living reminder that the universe is amazing and filled with wonderful things. I have never seen anyone who either finds a flower, or was given one, that didn’t light up even just a little.

16: fairytales:  My goodness, I am SO thankful for fairytales. As a hopeless romantic, fairytales are a non-negotialble. In fact, everyone should read this when you get a chance: http://thefickleheartbeat.com/…/11/02/why-fairy-tales-exist/ You’re welcome.

17: Stevie Ray: Yes, Stevie, I am so thankful for you! Although we met only once (the first year I moved to SoCal) you have been a part of my spiritual life every since. From that day you made me tear up talking about my life and spirituality, to now, with me tearing up just typing this! Haha.. your spirit has been with me in tough emotional times. Even the moments I chose not to ask for your prayers, I know you are/were at least thinking of me. Thank you for being my spiritual soldier, and I pray for the best for you and your journey. ❤

18: country music: Although I love country anyway, with going through a breakup the past couple months, country music really spoke to me. I had a new appreciation for the story-telling that comes with the music. Comparatively, it is way more realistic for my breakups, and how I am in general, vs other types of music that embrace threats, revenge, fighting, drama, torture, manipulation, sleeping with friends – or just sleeping with everyone.. I can go on – and not gonna lie, those other songs are sort of fun, but just not my style and how I realistically deal with my relationships (of any kind really).

19: Sweet Elle Cafe: My goodness.. for those who know me, do I even need to explain this?! Haha.. best.cafe.Ever. Thank you, thank you, for just being there, and not sucking. Haha 😀 You have the best baristas, best coffee options, best atmosphere, and with the updates and re-models, it’s even cozier. I remember the first time I ever stepped into this little cafe – theres a bookshelf wall filled with books that I stared at.. and I never wanted to leave – but I came about 15min before closing haha so, well, I had to leave. But now this place is like home. I’m glad everyone knows my name and this is my version of Cheers. I’m thankful for Grace, the owner, for having the vision and dream to run this cafe – because people like me, who need a second home.. and good coffee.. really, REALLY, appreciate it. I should also do a mini shout-out.. it’s only right.. without Daniel, I never would’ve known about this place – so thank you too, to Daniel for the recommendation. 🙂

20: Michelle: My hairdresser. Yes, I am VERY thankful for you! Haha 🙂 I moved to SoCal and began a new life, new job, new doctors, new cafes, new hairdresser.. Well, my first experience was a butchered job that cost me over $100 just for me to cry for about 4 month. It felt like forever before I even had the nerve to look for someone new. And I’m so happy the stars aligned and I found you. You saved my locks, and fixed the awful cut that made me look like my 6th grade class photo. Not only that, but color my hair to perfection as well. The best thing about you is your soul. It’s so beautiful, considerate, and honest. I’m so happy I get to see you every month.

21: Sarah: She waxes me. Haha, I know some of you reading this are like.. Really Kara!? But, yes, really. Again, moving to an entirely new state where my normal product and services are now 10,0000-mi away (I clearly exaggerate), was/is very hard. And this, was probably the worst service to look for. For those of you who are waxing enthusiasts as myself, this isn’t something you just find and are like – oh yah, eeny, meeny, miney, mo! I’ll just ‘try you out’! No.. it’s like finding a doctor. If someone is looking at you like no everyday person looks as you, you want them to, well.. for one, not be creepy, and two.. not be creepy. Sarah is awesome, the best thing about her is that, unlike other estheticians I’ve had in the past (who were still good, don’t get me wrong) she has real conversations with you to make this somewhat awkward experience, well, not so awkward.

22: the sun: I don’t know if I even need to write much about this. Everyone should be thankful for the Sun, especially if you live, or have ever lived in the NorthEast (Vitamin D!). Thank you, for literally making my world go ’round.. and for making the sky beautiful.

23: pain: Yes, pain. Whats that amazing quote from Grey’s Anatomy, “Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.” Exactly. I have felt a lot of pain this year, physically and emotionally. Physically, it has taught me how much I can do with myself and how much my mind is involved with strength. Emotionally, I’ve learned to be more appreciative, patient, and stay humble.. This way, everything is a happy surprise.

24: Eric & Amy: I am so thankful for the past two years being able to live the closest to my brother than I have in a long time. You see, he’s in the Army, and just recently I’ve been able to visit twice a year compared to my usual once-every-other-year. What makes this even more thankful is being able to be a part in my nephew and nieces’ lives. It may be a small part, but at least they remember me now when I visit compared to the first couple of times, like when I met the twins for the first time.. were already 2! 😦 Anyway, I’ve learned a lot about my brother, and have been so grateful to see him raise a beautiful family, and even better, do this with his amazing wife. Seriously, I am so thankful for Amy too because, I have never met a more determined mother-of-4 who runs like a champion, looks amazing, and all the while is home-schooling the kiddos, getting another (you heard me, another!) degree, and being a wife & mother. I’ve said this a bazillion times about Amy, but it’s true – If I was seriously just half as determined and focused as she is, I’d be doing way better things in my life, and look damn good too. So thank you for proving that even with some of the hardships the military throws at you with raising a family and making ends meet, you both are able to do this, and although it may not be easy, you make it look that way. Thank you for being amazing people to ‘look up to’ in my adult life.

25: the ocean: My first love. I’m thankful because it is the one constant I have always had access to my entire life. It’s a part of me. I grew up with it in the West.. learned with it in the East.. and now I find comfort with it.. back in the West. Since I was a child, I have loved the ocean and all that it entails – sand, rocks, the comforting sound, and the mysterious depths. The ocean is fascinating to me. In one hand, it’s where I go to play, and relax, and even cry and meditate. On the other hand, it scares me to no end, not because I’m a bad swimmer, but more so the uncontrollables. Currents, waves, sudden deep pools, so many unknowns that can literally swallow you up. It has been a great metaphor to life.

26: Paul:  OH.MY.GAWWWD. Paul, I seriously have no words to describe the appreciation I have for you in the last year and three months that we have been living together. Well ok, I have a few 😉 I am so absolutely thankful that you put up with me to start. Haha.. and that you are so giving, and helpful, and considerate. You are constantly thinking of others. I’m not gonna lie, there are plenty times where I’m annoyed with you 😉 But aside from my occasional bitchiness, you seriously have done nothing but try and help make my life better. I can’t name many people who are happy – and willing! – to go and get a drink with me when I am red-faced angry. I also don’t know many people who drive back home to make juice for unappreciative guests.. that you barely know for goodness sakes! #gah! I am just so thankful that we are friends.. and that it’s you who is on my emergency contact list.. haha. You are seriously the most caring person I have ever met, and not just to me, but to every single person in your life – from friends to family – I swear your goal in life is to make them ALL happy.. ALL at the same time! I have no doubt that you would probably succeed in that anyway, you’ve probably already done the math to support it 😉 So thank you.. thank you for being you.. and being awesome.  Anyone who has been lucky enough to have met you should be thankful. And if they aren’t.. well then.. they just suck.

27: genuine people: If you have ever been lucky enough to speak to someone who is genuine, man does it seriously change your perspective on life. So often do people ask the simple question of: “How are you?” Many of these people you consider friends.. and more times then not, they really don’t care.. it’s just an obligatory question. Shame isn’t it? Why do people ask questions when they don’t even care for the answer? Or worse even, begin to lecture you when they don’t get the answer they want. Well, please believe me when I say this, but when you do talk to someone who asks, even that simple question, and it’s a genuine request.. your heart flutters. It’s strange. You no longer have to whip out the (sorry for my language, but it’s true) bullshit answer of, “I’m good!” You can actually answer with how you actually feel. And I do understand that sometimes we are just ‘good‘. But more times than not, there is some aspect in your life that isn’t.. but yet generally speaking, bringing that detail up makes you a debbie downer – or causes discussion on ‘how to make you NOT feel that way’. Point is, THANK YOU to those who actually mean it. Thank you for providing yourself as an outlet for a possible miserable response. Thank you for just plain caring.

28: reading/writing: I love both of these and am so thankful for them for the mere fact that both provide a chance to get away. It’s an outlet to get away from the world for a minute. To escape into a story and either lose yourself in a character by reading, or let go a little of yourself by writing. Thank you for giving me an exit from this ‘real’ life and making me a mini fangirl.

29: James: I guess I should be thankful for the one I love, Haha..! Thank you for teaching me how to be patient.  Thank you for having a beautiful soul and giving me a opportunity to be a part of understanding it. Thank you for this inexplicable friendship/relationship we have because you made me see that it only matters to us and no one else needs to understand it. Thank you for enlightening me with a whole new meaning about saying ‘Sorry’. Mind. Blown. Thank you for teaching me about fitness and always answering my random questions about the shelf-life of ground-beef, or the carb percentage of an apple, haha.. #seriously. Thank you for breaking my heart. Sounds crazy, but without that I never would have learned what my heart was capable of. And of course, thank you for being you. I have never met someone so determined (and stubborn haha) to live life on their own terms than you. I can argue a million ways on the pros and cons to that, but it doesn’t matter. You do you.. and that’s what makes you amazing.

30: ME!: I’m just amazing. The End. Haha, but really I am so thankful for myself. I am thankful that I am strong enough not to conform to societal norms. I am thankful for being a sarcastic, hysterical, and sometimes bitchy person. I am thankful that I am a good person, that I am thoughtful, and that I am considerate of others even though sometimes people may take advantage of that. I am thankful that I love unconditionally even though people think that’s crazy. Because, thats not crazy, thats what love is supposed to be like. I am thankful that I know my limits and realize the people who are worth keeping close, and learning when to just close the door.. but always keeping the window open.. (only some of you get that 🙂 ) I am so thankful of the lives that I have touched, and more so, those who have touched mine.  I am thankful for being an original (I know there aren’t a lot of people out there like me) and I’m thankful for being a optimistic-realist. And I am so thankful that I love myself. Without me, I can’t love others, or flowers, or coffee, or owls..

 

 

To summarize, I am thankful for the people in my life. I am extra thankful to the genuine ones. I am thankful for the simple things in life, and thankful for the things I don’t understand. I am just downright thankful for life. I am thankful for today, yesterday, and definitely tomorrow.. because those are never a definite. Just, thank you. Everyday, Thank You.

And of course, a special THANK YOU – to this blog, and to all my readers.. you definitely don’t have to read my crap all the time, and all the posts that have sucked. But you do. I just hope there’s at least one in there that you have enjoyed, or learned from, has inspired you, or at least smiled from. Thank you.

 

Happy Thanksgiving – remember to be thankful everyday ❤

Cheers!

mush.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

That’s exactly how my brain feels this week..

I had forgotten my study materials at work this afternoon, and so to my frustration of not being able to study (I mean how SAD is that?! I was upset about NOT studying!? sheesh) I decided to head into the internet hands first! with a glass of wine in one of them, of course..

And with hesitation (since it had been so long) I came back onto my wordpress page. Whoa. I mean, this might not mean much to others, but man, was I absolutely SHOCKED to see that people had still been.. reading..!? I have not written in probably over 4 months.. although I’ve had an itch to.. but ‘life happened’.

And it was a great life I might add.. I got a new job.. which is where 90% of my time at the moment has been immersed into. You see, I have these awesome exams I need to take in order to hold licenses. And boy, let me tell you! Licensing exams are just a bucket o’ fun! {insert sarcasm here} Especially when they run between 3-6hr long (depending on the license). I’m currently studying for my 2nd, and hopefully final, exam for a while..

Anyway, this job literally has changed my life. I can’t say I love it however, one day I may.. and I know that sounds crazy because you are thinking.. wtf?! how can this change your life and you NOT love it!? Explanation: This job allows me to do the things I love.. and things I have never been able to do. It has made me more grateful that I ever thought I could be. I know it’s kept me from my writing, which is definitely something that I love, but with most things comes sacrifice.. and that usually doesn’t last long. Like studying.

This job has provided me the opportunity to do things I never thought I could.. like buy a friend dinner without counting my pennies. or buying a second pair of theatre tickets because me and my friend are sort of idiots and showed up at the wrong show time.. AND not even being upset about it. Better yet, buying a plane ticket to visit my brother and his farm of 4 kiddos without even flinching! (I haven’t seen them in 2 years!) And I know money does not solve world problems, it doesn’t even solve all of mine. Mind you, I’m no millionaire.. I can’t even say I’m thousand-aire status.. but the little I have compliments the humble lifestyle I live, and in turn, provides me opportunities that I never had before.

Second, and more importantly.. the reason I can’t say I love this job. I don’t love it, I appreciate it. It requires me to work on things I struggle in. So, when my natural talents emerge they are more prominent than my opportunities, and in turn, makes me realize how much better of a person I can be.

Even my health habits. When I am stressed, I am in the no-fun-zone. I stress eat.. and with stress eating, comes bad eating habits.. with bad eating habits come de-motivation.. and so on. I went running for the first time in 4 months this past weekend. Man did it hurt. I was sore for two days. And I loved it. I was partially sad too, just at the fact that I had allowed myself to let it go this far. But again, it made me realize I could be better.. It made me appreciate the hard work I put into myself the past year and motivated me to find better solutions to combatting stress.

You see.. this is life’s paradox: you become grateful and more appreciative of things when you have them less, or they are taken away. I never understood why.. why can’t we be grateful everyday? but its something I think no one can understand. And it’s the little things. Like writing for me. I had this awful feeling like I was letting my journal down the minute I realized how long it had been since I last scribbled a pen in it. But the minute I can’t study for the second largest exam of my career (eek!) I head straight back to my happy place. (It’s a strange balance that is difficult to find.. needs/wants.)

And just like I mentioned in the beginning of this post, I almost shed a tear seeing that people were still reading, even though my head was in books the past 4 months trying to absorb more knowledge in fields that do not come natural to me. I appreciated every single reader.. I even said “Thank you” when I looked at the past months and saw that there were still interested parties out there. To those little things I thank this job.

Once all this studying is over and I’m back to running 2 days a week, yoga 3, and volleyball on the weekends (or any sort of combination really 😉 ) and back to me-time at the cafe with my laptop, journal and cappuccino.. I hope I start to love my job. Everything is still fairly new.. but I hope I eventually end up where I am meant to be.

No matter what.. I’m just happy that it’s still the little things that keep me thankful, grateful, and appreciative of of all the good.. and even the stressful.

 

Cheers!

because I’m bored.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

It’s Sunday.

I am wearing the most unflattering cropped yogas.. thankfully I have my brothers old Army sweatshirt to classy it up. I have 5 loads of laundry to do.. technically 6, but I’m going to be lazy and do a load tomorrow. You heard me, I’m lazy doing 5 loads of laundry.. while wearing unflattering cropped yogas.

Clearly, waiting for the cycles to complete leaves me with my mind wanting to do stuff. Isn’t that why I started writing? And what ends up happening, of course, is I write down nonsense.. Nonsense.. all the while my mind continues to think about more important, self-consuming things. Like money, jobs, my future, love, memories, relationships, friendships, family.. the gym.. this guy.. who I consider the man of my dreams, yet-he’s-probably-in-like-a-ten-year-relationship-with-his-high-school-sweetheart-and-has-like-5kids-because-he’s-way-too-hot-to-be-single.. guy. This guy.. who makes me nervous at even just the thought of him.

This guy! Who probably thinks nothing of me, yet he fills most of my thoughts.. daily. Notice I have nothing to say about my job, my future, or money. Even the gym.. and I freakin love the gym! Maybe I’ll go later today.. there. Finally. A different thought in my head.

<<Sigh>>

And here I am swapping laundry loads, in these awful, awful cropped yogas! (I do have to specify the cropped-ness of them because I think it’s the cropped part that makes them worse.)

I’ll just be happy when I have clean, fabulous pieces of clothing available to me so I can change.. to go grocery shopping and run errands..

Oh Sunday.

writing has feelings too.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Writing. It is such a powerful thing to be able to do. It provides new ideas, explains situations, tells a story, and in some instances, inflicts emotion.

Emotion: n. A state of feeling. A conscious mental reaction subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.

Emotion is a crazy thing. It allows you to feel out a situation and express yourself. Emotion can change your perspective on life, it can even make or break you. It is the very aspect of our being that allows us to connect to others.

Now.. writing and emotion.. this is a tricky thing. As stated, in some instances writing can inflict emotion.. however, unless you are reading a very well written novel, you can’t find proper expressions of emotion. Classic novels aside, lets talk about everyday writing. Like this blog, it is difficult to see exactly how a writer feels from their words. Even some novels, (which is why I stated ‘some instances’) one cannot tell the emotion from the writer. In this entire post for example, I could be sitting here laughing hysterically reading out the definition of Emotion, over enunciating certain words, and making a mockery of my ideas.. Even with as many emojis 🙂 , underlines, italics, bold letters, or even bold italic underlines, expressing emotion through writing is difficult. You can’t hear tone, you can’t see a facial expression. And that is what emotion is.. ‘a strong feeling.. typically accompanied by behavioral changes in the body.’

So in all our Facebook statues, all our tweets, and all the blogs we read.. all we have in interpreting writing from someone, is our knowledge of them. It’s knowing what they sound like, knowing their tone, knowing facial expressions, eyebrow raises, smirks.. Without that, the perception idea comes back to mind.. writing becomes part of the world of assumptions. We have to remember that what we think the emotions are of what someone writes, may not be what the writer intended, or even what other people are thinking. And not to throw this into a 3rd dimension again, but what we respond with is also under the same discretion since those who do not know us will read without knowing how we feel. They are just words on a screen. I have seen many internet fights because of this, even on my own pages. I myself have had to reach out to the people who know me to remind them that other people will not understand my ideas, never mind their comments, so to be prepared for back lash..

And then I bring myself down to reality and think.. ‘It doesn’t matter what these people think of my words.. they don’t know me!’ But it does matter. Why?! Because even people who know me best still mis-interpret my words.. because again, they still can’t see me. They sometimes can’t determine if I’m serious, or sarcastic. I have to literally say ‘I’m serious.’ Now those situations are not common, but even still, it makes me think of the people I don’t know very well that I am getting to know now. Especially here, in what some people like to call LALA Land.. where drama is hiding behind every corner.. the entertainment and media industry focusing on every word, spoken, sung, or written.. I sometimes forget these people do not know me yet.. They’ve only tasted the icing.. and I’m a whole lot of cake!

Maybe it’s because I am in a new world, with little connections, as well as being recently single.. that I am more aware of what my messages interpret as. I can’t stand having to explain myself.. so I try to be more careful. But in all our writings, whether it be Facebook, twitter, texting, messaging.. remember that all the emoji in the world won’t be able to express your actual emotion. I don’t think its anything we can change, or fix..(unless we all just start posting video of ourselves) we can just be aware of it.

So, if I offend anyone, or give off the impression that I’m interested.. NO. No, I’m not sorry. You just don’t know me and there is not much I can do about interpretations of my written word. I can do my best, but it will never be perfect to everyone. But maybe, just maybe, one day everyone will be able to know and experience the honest-fun-enthusiastic-craziness that is Posh.. Maybe. And then all the critics can suck it.

“Those who know, don’t talk. And those who talk, don’t know.” -@CoffeeCocktail