Tag: social

wheres miranda when i need her (unedited)

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Sex & the City – Season 2 Episode 10

One of my absolute favorite episodes because it truly explains how women are (many times) punished for their success. I know I’ve blogged about this concept before, but in the midst of Tswift’s The Man, and just my recent experiences, I was compelled to write about another sleeve of this double standard.

I go to a local bar.. it’s my very own Cheers.. everyone knows my name. I tip well, and have made some.. acquaintances, if you will. What fascinates me though, is even though I tip rather well (20-50% depending on the day) I do not get the same respect or treatment as male regulars. And mind you, I’ve been, and still am, a regular at many places, but this place in particular, I notice the difference.

Maybe because the type of bar it is? Maybe because the the traffic that comes through? I don’t know, but what I DO know is, when it’s busy I am patient and understanding, and I don’t let the busyness deter me from tipping well or taking it personal. But I also always notice other regulars who frequent this place.. almost all of whom are male.. are still always taken care of in a timely manner.

Now, don’t get me wrong.. women are different personality-wise by nature.. but is that any reason to take advantage of those qualities? I know for a fact I make the same, if not more, than many of those men who frequent this place, but yet, my dollar is undermined by the fact that I’m a female. Even by female staff no less!

Why does society hate successful women? Why must I BE understanding if I’m served after a man? Even fellow women can’t stand successful women! *face_palm* No one questions the man who shows up every night to have a cocktail and sits at the bar for a few hours, yet I receive looks and questions of why I’m there so often. This then turns into “jokes” which in turn just shows that women aren’t allowed to “act” like men.

HOW ABOUT WE JUST ACT LIKE PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO HAVE STRESSFUL JOBS THAT MAKE THEM WANT TO DRINK.

I understand this post is slightly 2-fold: treatment and success. But many times it comes hand-in-hand. This even more frustrates me that I am constantly judged for both.

I don’t think there’s much moral to this story due to the fact that my situation, and the situations of other successful women won’t change overnight. But I guess use this as a reminder of inequality and societal stigma that is sadly still ingrained even in this new generation of “activists” and “free thinkers”.

It costs nothing to be kind.

✌🏻

“heartbeat! you make me feel so weak!”

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Taana Gardner, I feel you girl! Not sure if I mentioned from when I wrote about my stress and anxiety a couple weeks back, but my heart palpitations have come to say hello again. This second time around isn’t as scary, although it does make me feel weak! Because I am a little afraid to run or do anything that exerts energy.

I’ve been meaning to make another doctor’s appointment, but you know, when you for some reason work in an environment that frowns upon time off, and takes no consideration when you do take time off, (in regards to work load) it’s a little difficult to make that a priority or focus. This brings me to one of my favorite quotes:

dalai-lama

My man, The Dalai Lama ❤ I so love this.. and it’s funny because as I wrote those sentences above this quote immediately popped in my brain. Why is this not memorized as a daily mantra?! Because my HEALTH should be my priority.

Ugh. When I have been doing all I can nutrition-wise all the way to drinking up to 50-oz of water a day again, and yet my skin is still dry, brittle, and sunken in.. You’d think I would be more in-tune with the issue at hand. Stress, anxiety, and now these awesome – what I like to call – mini-heartattacks. Why does life need to cost money?

Thankfully, aside from this stress that is pretty much making me sick – wait, you know something?! I was looking at past social media posts recently.. and I kid you not, in the past 5mo I counted being sick about 4 times. FOUR TIMES. That’s almost once a month! Maybe it’s not the weather after all! – I do try and live in the present at all times. Thanks to my 5-minute Journal and noting down what I am grateful for on a daily basis, it does help me to stay present and do my best to take advantage of Today.

Now if I could just find a nice balance of personal priorities and a fulfilling job, I think these palpitations would be gone for good. But why is it of all things that, THAT is the hard part? Why is having a job/career so detrimental to personal life?! When did that happen? Whatever happened to working for a greater good, to make your company proud, to build relationships that last for a lifetime? Now with most people I talk to, it’s not common to have “work-friends” rather just “work-friend” and some times no actual “friends” at all, rather just acquaintances, or just “people I work with”. And many don’t even hang out with these people outside the office or even know anything about their personal lives. We have created an office culture of just showing up to take home pennies with no regard on how this affects us personally (I’m sure certain industries may differ? but my close friends all work in different industries, and it seems to be similar). And by ‘affecting us personally’ I mean working long hours, or running on empty by the time 5pm hits and not putting yourself first.. when the only reason we have jobs is to pay for things.. for ourselves. 

I remember working in environments where managers and employees actually cared about each others well-being. We would get drinks after work on a weekly basis, celebrate birthdays, and baby showers, and weddings! And we hung out on weekends and became actual friends. Because these are the people you see more than your own family amiright!? So it made sense to create relationships.. Or maybe it’s just a New England thing, because I just realized all those work-fam experiences were when I lived in New England. Gah SoCal! 😦 #SoDissapointing

I digress.. sort of.. I just know I’m a little uncomfortable because my heart keeps break-dancing in my chest, which creates fears of being able to make quick movements. And this is created by stress, which is sadly because of my current work environment.

We can do this heart! Got to do some heart-push-ups to keep you strong.. and learn to invest in myself so I stop making you work harder than you need to ❤

 

 

 

failure and the best 3 days

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Can we just talk for a sec about how sort-of fantastic the past few days have been!? Now, if I’m going to be honest, there was tragedy in the midst of my happiness. My heart still hurts thinking about it – and as I am not tied directly to this tragedy, it’s different for me. But it is a tragedy all the same.

This actually brings me to a short conversation I had with a co-worker today about how strange and sort-of sad life can be because when there is a tragedy that does not affect a mass population but say only a family.. the rest of the world lives on. When we lose a loved one.. we are who suffers, yet everyone around us carries on their day with jokes and conversation. Isn’t that strange? I don’t know, I think it is.. Because as I had one of the best weekends in a long time, and a great end to an “eh” Monday.. and yet part of me feels terrible that there is someone out there that I know of who is grieving.

And I digress.. but I do feel a sting of pain reminiscing about such a great few days – However, I am also more grateful for those moments. Just as I had written on Saturday, I spent the most beautiful day with my dad running errands and helping him get stuff done. On Sunday, which is my failure – I DIDN’T POST! 😦 – for good reason though, I was out all day and didn’t get home until 11:30pm and by the time I looked at my watch getting into bed, it was 10 past midnight.. I let the day win. But in every time we fall we get back up right?! I wasn’t going to miss today!

Anyway, Sunday was church day with my daddio, did I mention it was another perfect day weather-wise?! 😎 And afterwards I took an adventure into the mountains to go to a LuLaRoe pop-up where I knew no one. That is an important note. I knew no one. I haven’t gone anywhere on my own free will to meet people since that volleyball meet-up 4 years ago.. and if you know me at all.. you see where that got me! Broken hearts and best friends..

Well I went, and I showed up! And I met some great people! I forgot what that rush felt like. And as happy as I am with my baby-circle of friends, making connections and networking is so great, and always helpful. As I adventured back later in the afternoon, I met up with the broken-heart-turned-best-friend and we had dinner, shared some laughs, and conversed over Netflix. And as mentioned earlier, I got home late, just in time for bed.

Today was a normal Monday BUT an old high school friend of mine was traveling the coast with his wife. The weather is a little strange by the coast and been super foggy so they stopped in my neighborhood where they are staying the night before driving back up to NorCal. We were able to catch up while I ate my sushi and they ordered to-go. It had been a long day for them, and I didn’t mind at all.. I was just thrilled we got to share some time. More so, I was over ecstatic because my theory of “We are who we are, people don’t change” -Great Expectations – came to life! We chatted about how we don’t talk to anyone from high school because we sort of had the same path.. moving to a small town where everyone already knew everyone.. and not ever quite feeling like you fit in.. We talked about running into other people and they are still the same as they were 18 years ago.. except with children. It was just great to know that after the awfulness of high school we are still who we are, and we don’t suck. Lol.

I guess for me, the weekend was full of feeling great about the unexpected. And allowing it to create good things. On top of that, being grateful for what I have, what comes my way, and still having these opportunities. To be able to continue on, day-to-day, knowing there is sadness around you, but also remembering that it is in those human connections whether new, old, or  sad even, that create meaning in this life.

 

🙂

 

oh sn-app!

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Can we just talk about this for a hot sec? Apps – on your phone, on your tablet.. wherever..

I was just currently using a coloring book app and my 5min Journal app.

Two things that once required actual work: writing in a journal and coloring in a book.

What has become of us?! Honestly, speaking solely on behalf of myself, I mostly use the coloring app when I’m bored and at the laundromat. The 5min Journal, I added as a complement to my normal leather-bound journal to keep me focused and as stress-free as possible while I’m at work.

But I think of these things as I recall a co-worker yelling in my door as he walks by.. “They don’t teach cursive in schools anymore, did you know that!?” and wonder.. is this why communication is dying? We are so consumed by “easier” and “convenient” we have lost touch of authenticity.

And I know this conversation happens on a daily basis. Even as this tool of a computer helps me get a few random thoughts across to the blogging public vs reading a paper or magazine. I too am victim of some sort of “easy” technology. But when did technology become a tool for us to no longer think for ourselves? Because let’s be real, a blogging site is more so a network of writers sharing thoughts and ideas, we still need to think in order to type. So this version of technology has been a positive impact, and accomplished what it was meant to – bringing people and ideas together. But something like a coloring app? There’s no more thoughtfulness as to choice of color, working that pencil or crayon even, blending colors, or even accepting a color that you can’t go back on now.. you really should have chosen the forest green.. 😐 I mean there are apps for dating now.. meeting real people! How do you use 35 seconds of an app and a photo to know someone?

I don’t know, maybe my age is showing.. I mean, I remember when the internet was born. I remember dial-up, and AOL.. It’s fascinating and scary all at the time.

And yet we still have these conversations that the world is losing touch, relying on technology to a fault. Yet there is never any change. We don’t change our process, we just fall deeper into technology, and apps in particular, that take something meaningful, like meeting a person, capturing memories, expressing yourself, and even creating art.. and turning it into the same motion as changing the channel on a TV.

 

 

 

21 days to form a habit

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I know, I know, there are balls that keep dropping!

Well, for a quick update, Birthday Month has been in full effect and finishes in 7 days! 😦

I hope with this new year and new beginning, you all can feel my positive energy seeping through whatever screen you are using to read this!

Speaking of New Beginnings! I have a plan – I like giving myself mini-challenges, like when I signed up for a 30-day Bikram Yoga Challenge two years ago.. that was the best shape I’ve been in, and the best feeling os self I’ve had in a long time.. so why did I stop!? Well, I know myself enough to know I need challenges. Call it boredom or loving new things, but I definitely start feeling stagnant when I start feeling comfortable or feel like I’ve reached some sort of personal goal. I need, and I’m sure many do, another push, something either a little bit harder, or something new that uses new muscles – mentally and physically.

And thus, my challenge was born.. So, for those who don’t follow me on social media, every year on my Birthday Month, I bombard Facebook with #quotesfordays. It’s really the only time of year I’m actually “social” lol. I share a quote, or three, daily to spread happiness, inspiration, ideas, and everyday thoughts I find interesting or insightful. Over the long weekend I thought about this and wondered.. if I can take 5min sometimes 10min of my day to post a random quote, then why havent I been able to do that with my blog? There are plenty of short blogs, strange blogs, blogs filled with nonsense.. All of which don’t need hours at a computer to express a thought. And if I have been struggling the past year to even post one thing, then why have I not used this idea or strategy to sort of “force” myself to tap my little fingers and create some words?

So once February ends.. my challenge is for the month of March, I will post something, whether it be 5 words or 500, just any blog post to fill your little feeds with my crazy brain.

The way I see it, after 31 days of tip-tapping I should have formed some sort of habit right? Just as my title reads – sadly however, if that didn’t work with yoga, I am still questioning the outcome of what’s to come when April hits. As James Clear recently taught me while researching this 21 day theory:

On average, it takes more than 2 months before a new behavior becomes automatic — 66 days to be exact. And how long it takes a new habit to form can vary widely depending on the behavior, the person, and the circumstances. In Lally’s study, it took anywhere from 18 days to 254 days for people to form a new habit. http://jamesclear.com/new-habit

So ok, that’s a little sad that I may not form a habit.. but it definitely kick-starts something. Because I still do yoga.. I’m just not as consistent.. mainly because I also enjoy running, and weight-lifting, and playing volleyball. I told you, I get bored. And I do still write in a journal also, so I’ve got to find balance.

Honestly, my goal is to get to a point where I can post something at least once a month, until I become a famous blogger, of course. 😉 And if this personal challenge can dust off my brain and remind me why I loved writing/blogging in the first place, then I will celebrate success.

I hope you are all as excited as I am! Here’s to Birthday Month and New Beginnings! And of course, thank you all for continuing to read, even one view means a whole lot ❤

I’ll see you all again in about 7 days! 🙂

Cheers!

 

best form of birth control..

~ NewBeginnings ~ 5 Comments

..is other people’s children. Until you start to love them..

I knew the number one reason I wanted to move back to CA was because of family. The second reason was to follow dreams I hadn’t dreamt yet. With those dreams, I also thought I would be living the life of a socialite, a role that very much suited me in the North East.. and a role that thrives out here in the South West. However, the most social thing I have done recently is help my cousin take my niece and three of her friends to an amusement park for her 8th birthday.. with also trucking around my 16mo old nephew. Never mind the days where I’m helping watch my nephew and my other niece (who is 1yrs old).. which proves to be the greatest arm/shoulder/pectoral work out ever, but having to humor 4 third graders.. man, I forgot how exciting life as an 8yr old was. Or maybe it was more overwhelming then exciting.

Either way, I have only been in CA for 6 weeks (but it honestly feels like I’ve been here for years) so it doesn’t surprise me that I havent been able to live up to my socialite status yet. Focusing on finding a job was very life-consuming leaving me no time, or money, for friends. Also considering my perfect timing in moving.. right before the holidays.. I’ve been non-stop with family events and Thanksgiving. And of course, a month from today is Christmas. So really, my social status probably wont blossom until the new year.. which is my next challenge all in itself.

What DID surprise me though was the capability and patience (which is EXTREMELY difficult for me) I had to help take care of my nieces and nephews. Helping with homework, putting the babies down for naps, feeding, constant playing and distracting.. crazy I tell you. And more so, exhausting. I mean, I’ve never been terrible with kids, I just have absolutely no patience with them. So being able to manage screaming children and even getting them to stop? Well now, that’s a feat no one thought I would ever be able to accomplish, never mind enjoy. Theres the kicker.. I actually enjoy it. I love these kids. As crazy and wild, headache causing, and coffee requiring as they make me, Its like I’m helping nurture the future. I love the looks on their faces when they see me walk into the room. I know. I can’t believe I wrote those sentences too. And being with these crazy children makes me miss my brother and his four little ones even more. I’m starting to feel bad that I’m not able to be with them as much as I am with my cousins kids.

Now, don’t get all excited you people who know me.. I love these kids, but by no means will I start having ‘baby fever’. It is a strange emotional experience though.. that although the thought of me ever having my own children still makes me cringe, I now contemplate if I will ever have any. And Kelly, I don’t want to hear any ‘I told you so’ yet! Theres a still a long way for me to go before children ever become the forefront of my mind. For starters, there’s that socialite life I need to live first 😉 and of course, finding that someone who is worthy of me and my craziness.. in order to even make a baby.. which is far beyond important to me right now.

It’s just crazy that in 6 weeks, I fell in love with three kids. I make baby noises, I talk about Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, and I’m already planning a Christmas-movie-watching night with my cousin and my niece. I am THE auntie. I’m involved and helpful, and I’m able to give the children back! 😉 Hahaha! But honestly, that’s one thing that I am happy about though, because I always wanted to be THE auntie. We had that auntie growing up.. she wasn’t able to have children, so she raised us and treated us like her own. She was our biggest supporter, our biggest fan, and our biggest motivator. She prayed for us, took care of us, and even with me, being miles away.. she looked after us. When she passed away 3 years ago, it was the hardest thing my cousins and I ever had to deal with. It’s still hard sometimes, and like many things, we miss her most during the holidays. Maybe that’s why being THE auntie means so much to me. Because she may not have had her own, but she still had 6 children. And just like I tell my cousin every time we joke about me having kids.. I don’t need any.. because I already have 7.. which is such a perfect number. ❤