Tag: rant

to forgive, or not to forgive {edited draft}

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

The idea of forgiveness I’m not against, but I absolutely can’t stand how people make excuses for it. Here’s the basic definition of Forgive via a dictionary:

forgive: verb | for • give |

: to stop feeling anger toward : to stop blaming

: to stop feeling anger about

I’ve talked before (not sure if I did on this blog) that “Life is simple, it’s the people that make it complicated.” Because, talk to anyone about forgiveness and you’ll get everything from the basic answer above to several misconstrued answers that have nothing to do with forgiving at all, but instead are excuses or explanations based on a current situation.

This perception thing really hurts my soul too.. because in life, I understand that we all see things differently but,  2 + 2 will always equal 4. There are many constants in this life are are just plain fact, but with the evolution of the human mind, we use that to convolute our ideas as to why we do the things we do vs just owning the fact that we are making excuses – for whatever reason. “Because I love them”, Because it’s my child”, “Because its my Mother” , “Because.. work”. Whatever the reason, its still an excuse vs facing reality. But that’s a whole other blog post..

I digress..

Anyway, life IS simple, so is forgiveness. To forgive is simply to stop blaming and feeling angry about something. Forgiveness isn’t allowing that person or event back in your life. Forgiveness isn’t second chances. Forgiveness isn’t a blank slate. Forgiveness itself is an act, a verb – a doing of something. Therefore second chances, or allowing someone to continue to take from you in a negative way, have nothing to do with the act of forgiveness. Those actions are separate in themselves. For example, you can’t run and skate at the same time, those are two actions that are separate from each other. Most actions are this way.. Even eating and drinking.. you can argue – you take a sip of a beverage while chewing – but if you notice, you can’t chew and swallow at the same time. Again.. two separate actions.

Whether it’s me being a Christian, or just being a good person, I believe wholeheartedly in forgiveness and to forgive often.. but I don’t go inviting negativity back into my life. In being a good person, you love thy neighbor, and be kind to one another – but nowhere in those teachings does it ever say go bring back negative parts of that into your life. So when I hear, “I forgave them, thats why we got back together” or “I forgave them, that’s why I’m trusting them with my car again.” Do as you please, but if that situation was not positive in the first place, forgiveness will not make it better. Because again, forgiveness does not change anything in itself. That is a separate action and on top of that, effort, in order for something to change.

This is partially why so many expectations become disappointments. People think to forgive means it’s all better, like it never happened. It did happen, and there are still feelings involved even if anger isn’t one of them. Forgiveness opens yourself to happiness and hope, it allows you to find peace.. Not empty more space for the negative.

So go on forgive, but don’t forget. In all, forgiveness is an action for yourself, to let something go, but the reality of it all is that it is still there – it’s just that anger is no longer associated with it. Allow forgiveness to do what its meant, remove blame and anger – which in turn should move you into happiness and letting go.

 

 

inaudible sounds

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

As I get older, I realize my body can’t adapt to temperature change like it used to. I went on a mini-vaca for my Birthday back in February to a cold destination.. for only 3 1/2 days. On day 3 I already started feeling stuffed up and achy.. how!? I had only been in the snow for 3 days! and was already packing to head home! When I got home, my brain was numb and I could barely speak without sounding like the Charlie Brown teacher.. Sneezing actually felt AMAZING. And of course, after another 3 days being home, I finally began to feel better..

So I’ll assume I have a 3-day-weather-window where if it changes “drastically” in three days, I guess I’m bound to get sick. Exhibit A: Fast forward to today – Literally last week the weather started getting SoCal beautiful, about high 60s into the 70s, sunny, not really warm per say, but it was nice compared to the 50-60 degrees, cloudy and rainy we’ve been experiencing. One day in particular, I believe it was this past Wednesday, was like 80 degrees out and warm. Low and behold, by yesterday afternoon (Sunday) my face began to feel like a balloon.

So.Annoying. Even though I was in bed by like 9pm last night, it didn’t seem to help because today I sound like a muffled cartoon once more. And can we just talk about how it’s always one nostril at a time?! Like c’mon nose you’re supposed to be a team! Well, I guess if you think about it, it may be a good thing? Because I can’t really imagine both air passages feeling this way at the same time.. ok sorry nose, I take that back, go ahead and take turns.

But still, so uncomfortable. But also.. when that nostril finally tingles and makes way for air?! It’s like I’m reborn! It’s almost too much air! How?! But also, so AMAZING.

All in all, being sick isn’t really fun, but it can at least be slightly entertaining. I’ll be paying attention to how long this lasts.. I don’t really want 3 to be my lucky number, but I guess having an expected pattern is better than a 5-day flu.

 

🙂

 

oh sn-app!

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Can we just talk about this for a hot sec? Apps – on your phone, on your tablet.. wherever..

I was just currently using a coloring book app and my 5min Journal app.

Two things that once required actual work: writing in a journal and coloring in a book.

What has become of us?! Honestly, speaking solely on behalf of myself, I mostly use the coloring app when I’m bored and at the laundromat. The 5min Journal, I added as a complement to my normal leather-bound journal to keep me focused and as stress-free as possible while I’m at work.

But I think of these things as I recall a co-worker yelling in my door as he walks by.. “They don’t teach cursive in schools anymore, did you know that!?” and wonder.. is this why communication is dying? We are so consumed by “easier” and “convenient” we have lost touch of authenticity.

And I know this conversation happens on a daily basis. Even as this tool of a computer helps me get a few random thoughts across to the blogging public vs reading a paper or magazine. I too am victim of some sort of “easy” technology. But when did technology become a tool for us to no longer think for ourselves? Because let’s be real, a blogging site is more so a network of writers sharing thoughts and ideas, we still need to think in order to type. So this version of technology has been a positive impact, and accomplished what it was meant to – bringing people and ideas together. But something like a coloring app? There’s no more thoughtfulness as to choice of color, working that pencil or crayon even, blending colors, or even accepting a color that you can’t go back on now.. you really should have chosen the forest green.. 😐 I mean there are apps for dating now.. meeting real people! How do you use 35 seconds of an app and a photo to know someone?

I don’t know, maybe my age is showing.. I mean, I remember when the internet was born. I remember dial-up, and AOL.. It’s fascinating and scary all at the time.

And yet we still have these conversations that the world is losing touch, relying on technology to a fault. Yet there is never any change. We don’t change our process, we just fall deeper into technology, and apps in particular, that take something meaningful, like meeting a person, capturing memories, expressing yourself, and even creating art.. and turning it into the same motion as changing the channel on a TV.

 

 

 

fake rant.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Haven’t posted a random rant in a while..

With my current state of instability, (I know my recent 3-yr anniversary post was uplifting, but I’ve actually been going through some emotional distress the past few weeks..) my patience has gone from 12689124325 to 0 in 2.3 seconds.

And in light of work not making life easier, I was reminded today at how damn fake people can be.

Never mind the random strangers of whom we run into on a daily basis in the coffee shop, at the bar, walking into your workplace.. etc.. there are the also the people you are required to see on a daily basis, and interact with.. more than you’re own damn family.. you guessed it. Your co-workers.

These people of whom that are supposed to be one of two things: Supportive peers who cheer you on when you do well.. and Open-armed min-friends who lift you up when things are a little down. In simple terms: Supporters and Teammates. Some select few even become good friends, and others, practically family. Most of the time though, it’s like playing a sport: get to the game work together and WIN! Then go home feeling accomplished.. hopefully. What is one of the main reasons people leave a certain job? more times than not – the people. Why do many people stay in jobs they don’t really like? (I was victim of this for 4 years before I moved to SoCal) you guessed it. The People. When there is respect, teamwork, and appreciation in the workplace, people tend to become more loyal than if it were the opposite.

Moving on however.. co-workers on the other hand, should NOT be: (although theres always a handful) fake.

And I know I’m talking co-workers here, but really this goes out to everyone.. all of you need to quit it too.

I get being courteous, and polite. But c’mon when you don’t speak to me on the reg as it is, and because I may be potentially showing my weaknesses today.. don’t be pretending you care today by saying things like: “Have a good night”.

Now, many of you will throw down the crazy card here, but hear me out.

I am so sick and tired of people who don’t actually care about your well being to say meaningless crap like this.

You know what would have been more appropriate? “Goodnight”, or even, “I’ll see you tomorrow”. Why you ask? Well because for honesty sake, these are true statements. Facts. Just like “Hello” and “Goodbye”, “Goodnight” is just a general greeting. And “I’ll see you tomorrow” (aside from all those “tomorrow is never a promise” vibes) there’s pretty much a 99.9% chance I will, in fact, see you tomorrow. When you don’t actually care about how my night will be – you’re just pulling meaningless small talk. And all that does is create awkwardness and a false sense of care. Because if you cared how my night would be, you would have asked how my day was first.

Keep it real people! I have to see you, EIGHT HOURS A FREAKIN DAY. No need for small talk. We get that enough from strangers. And YOU PEOPLE (yah I said it) are co-workers – people we are supposed to respect and work together towards a common goal with. In all my experience of playing competitive sports, teamwork does not succeed when people are fake and lie to teammates. This just creates conflict and trust issues.

Me, of all people am pretty real when it comes to life. Most people can’t handle it and thats fine. No one likes honesty. Sadly, this is a truth in our society. But if you know me at all, work with me, am friends with me, whatever.. you should know by now that I put effort where effort is due with people. If I don’t want to talk to you, I won’t – and I’ll even tell you why if you ask me.

If I’m making efforts – you got it, I care. And again, lets be clear – I’m not an asshole in the office or to the general public. I am polite, courteous, and professional. Sometimes a little sassy, but I mean, you’ve got to be when you are a female in a male-dominated industry. But back to my point, we all play favorites (stop denying it) so those I like more than others, yes, of course I make additional efforts to have lunch with you, and GENUINELY (big word here people) care about how your day is.

And I mean, there are plenty of people I work with that are just “Hello”, “Goodbye” people, we don’t mind, it doesn’t offend us! We still show up every day and do our job.

So to round this up, if you don’t care, shut your hole. If you want to care be GENUINE (AH! theres that word again!) and make an effort on a daily basis, not just when it looks like I want to punch you, or cry for that matter. (I told you, I’m a little vulnerable right now).

rant.over.

gym rant.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

To the guys at the gym who do push-up after push-up.. after pull-up after pull-up.. after bench press after bench press.. after arm curl after arm curl..

No. No, please do not give me that hey look, please do not come over and talk to me. Why? Well honestly, I am kind of bitchy at the gym, and more so, because you can barely hold yourself up with your tiny, scrawny, little legs that have less muscle-mass than my own. The only conversation I want to have with you is in regards to an explanation of this obsession of being top-heavy! I have never understood it, and it makes men look in-proportionate.

I feel like I look pretty good in a mini, which means by the look of your legs, you might possibly look good in one too. That’s saying a lot.. for a man. And maybe, just maybe that’s why you are at the gym at 11pm on a Tuesday night, trying to talk to girls.

So, please, I ask of you, as nicely as possible.. Please go for a 3mi run on the beach, do some squats, some lunges, whatever.. for like 3 days/wk.. for about 6mo. And maybe the next girl you hey to will will like all of what they see.