Tag: rant

karma: kara with an “m”

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I literally just realized my name was a sister to karma. Which I guess is perfect for me based on my views about the universe, God, and energies. What you give, is truly what you receive. Although in some instances the circle closes later than planned, but it all still comes back around eventually.

Just yesterday, I snapped a photo with a long-ass caption (that I’m unfortunately known for doing – sorry! #loveyoumeanit) And it was about how karma is a bitch through good and bad.  Because as much as we want to believe only the good will come around.. we forget our shitty decisions, actions, words, and energies we have spread out there also.

The past 60 days (too specific? lol) have been rather wonderful on a personal level. But just as I’m embracing all the goodness, wonder, and exciting changes, I noticed some aspects have been a little “sad” maybe? I don’t know if “sad” is the right word, but I’ve just realized that in terms of relationships/friendships, The way I have treated some people has come back and just slapped me in the ass, and not in a good way either. <<insert_proper_emoji_here>>

You see, I have a large character flaw, shocking! I know, lol. I’ve never been good dealing with the people I love making bad decisions or doing terrible things. (probably because I have done so many terrible things in my life, I try to keep my people from going through similar episodes. I definitely did NOT enjoy learning the hard way) I have a hard time supporting people when I don’t necessarily agree with their views. I mean, those who have made it through my berating or ignoring, or even being cut out of my life, have a better relationship with me now more than ever, but the thing is, even if it is right to cut someone out, that still creates a negative energy. Cutting = closing. When you close a door, another does not necessarily open. Sometimes it’s just a window. And sometimes, you just closed yourself into a room with no outlet.

On top of energies, what we forget is that all situations are different. No matter how similar a relationship/friendship is or an experience is, they are still a specific and individual moment that does not, and really, cannot be the “same” as any other moment. Because each moment we experience is defined by a number of things: age (and by age I mean where we were – I experienced things at 21 the same time as some 31yr olds and even some 18yr olds, so this is a relative term, but important based on where we were at the time), money, family, was Mercury in Retrograde?! (serious question), the year – was this 9/11?! (serious question).

Point is, there are so many factors in any given moment, that we can’t compare them to another similar moment. I mean, I guess we CAN compare them and talk about the similarities, but if that is the case, we also NEED to talk about the differences. We just have to stop generalizing experiences because no, Steven, is NOT like Sam. Sam was born in January and Steven was born in August. Sam was adopted, and Steven has 3 siblings. Just because both might have been terrible kissers, or whatever, doesn’t mean each moment with them was the same. They both came from different experiences, different ideals, and different lives all together.

So I guess the point in all this is that the karma that comes and goes has nothing to do if you broke up with 10 people via sticky-note – although still a terrible idea. But it does have to do about the energy you brought to that experience. 7 of those break-ups may have deserved that sticky, and that’s their karma. Because as I mentioned previously, sometimes, you do need to let some people go but it is in how you deal with that situation that matters. Should I have just cut some people out of my life? Yes. Is that how I should deal with all issues in my relationships/friendships? Hard NO. Because another thing about karma: sometimes, there are no second chances.

And although I talk a lot about relationships, energies matter in all things, big and small. If you’re just straight up rude to a waiter for no reason, boo you. If you’re a little irritated because they are being rude, that’s ok – but remember, you can control your reaction. Don’t allow yourself to be thrown into the karma circle because of someone else’s negative energy. Just as I hash-tagged on my snap: #stopthecycle. << On that note, if you are experiencing some not-so-fun karma back at you, as I have been recently, remember to keep yourself, or as I like to say, your heart open. Allow this to move through you and more important, don’t fight it. Or you will continue the “negative” cycle.

Learn to understand that when bad karma comes back at you, it’s ok. We are not perfect, and like I said, we are super shitty sometimes. So don’t start assuming life is just breaking down, or everyone and everything is just out to get you. Karma is just life’s way to remind you to stop being shitty, because you can control that. And of course, on the positive end, karma is also life’s way to give back the goodness you gave.

So to all you out there that I may have inflicted some negative energy on, I hope you know karma was watching. And even better, karma is watching you too, hehe. 😉

Here’s to learning, and growing, and staying open to all energies. Let’s remember that ALL situations are separate and individual no matter how similar. And let’s work on focusing more on the good and understanding that the bad is controllable and the cycle can be stopped.

#stopthecycle

❤

let’s be honest.. (another mash-up)

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I started this in 2015.. and I believe I know where this was coming from, and where it may have been going, so I’m just gonna leave this right here to post since it’s been sitting in drafts for 3 years lol. Also, I found it rather interesting I was writing about my thoughts on doing what I’m “supposed” to do, especially to see where I am recently – I’ve been evolving for years! 🙂

_________________________________________________________________

(Nov 2015)

What is it about patience that is so difficult?

I mean I’ve given a lot of my time.. A lot. A lot of effort.. A whole lot.

Iv’e given a lot of energy, and love, and commitment.. Omg, SO MUCH of those.

Is that what it is? That with patience.. you just never know how much longer you’re “supposed” to wait..

But.. If you’re reading this and know anything about me, you know I don’t believe in things you are “supposed” to do.

Which brings me to another point – I feel like thats what I’ve been doing.

UGH. I’m tired.

I’m tired of feeling invaluable.

I think about how I’ve dealt with things in the past. At least from my own view, I’m not proud of those moments.

I feel like I’ve finally come to a point where I have made proper decisions based on what has been handed to me.

I’ve stayed, as others would say, mature.. Lol

_________________________________________________________________

(Aug 2018)

Just based on where I am now, I’m going to make a pretty good assumption that I was tired of living based on what I was “supposed” to do, expectation, and settling. On top of that, I wish I had time to elaborate on the patience question. That will have to wait for another post.

But in a quick note, I know from where I was then, and where I am now, I have learned patience is not easy. It takes practice, hope, and understanding. And patience is not so much the aspect of “waiting” as it is mentally and emotionally preparing for what’s to come. On top of that, patience also reminds us of our journey. Life will always happen when it’s good and ready to happen to us, because our journey is ours, on our own separate timeline.

Remember to focus on your journey, not others’ journeys, or where some people may want you to go. Practice patience, or at least mental and emotional preparation for what is meant for you.

 

❤

can I use expletives?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Because I would love to.

I had a conversation with a co-worker just the other day, and almost blogged at that very moment. We were talking about the many “changes” I am going through, “updates” if you will. And he asked, “Why do you care so much about what other people think?!” (It was more a stern statement, like, “Kara, WTF”) Because I have kept most a secret.. hence all my phases and reveals lol. This in turn made me think of my most favorite quote:

IMG_5513

I know I’ve posted this before, and talked about it, but it is all too relevant. Because yes, this is why I keep things to myself sometimes – People ruin beautiful things.

And by “ruin beautiful things”, our conversation continued into the terrible-ness of society and how if we walked into the mall at that very moment in our suits, we would be treated WAY differently than our weekend clothes. We are judged. All The Time. This co-worker also owns a home, and when he first moved, he received questions from his neighbors of: “Oh who owns this property? Or blatant “Are you renting?” Low and behold the shocked faces when he states he owns it. Even worse, when they ask what he does for a living and he answers.. their expressions turn into “ooohhhh ok, makes sense.” MAKES SENSE?!

I rent, and I am 8 years older than said co-worker (but look 10 years younger, lol). So my question is, why is it that a 20-something yr old can’t own a home without having to explain how, or why? Why can’t people just understand that there are 20yr olds who started saving at 16 or even 45yr olds who may never be able to afford owning property at all?! You realize there are 7.5 BILLION people in this world. Another twist! I’ll bet you right now, you find millions 30yr old divorcee’s with NO CHILDREN. And more so millions of 18-20yr olds married with kids. So why does the “average” person make assumptions and judgements based on looks/age?

Why must we always have to explain ourselves? And why are there SO MANY discriminatory ideas of age!? I understand there are laws of the land, but these societal judgements have nothing to do with laws.. but more so media. It has been engrained in our minds that life is only “good” a certain way. Even these millennial/gen Z-ers who have coined the phrase “living my best life.” Are you though? Or are you just trying to blend in with the sheep?

People are so concerned with – Status-Quo – that they forget there are souls in each and every one of us. To use myself as an example, I look about about 10+ years younger than my actual age. Judgements against me go two ways:

  1. People are fascinated by the fact I look absurdly younger than my actual age. They see this as endearing, and that I take care of myself. I am also a fountain of knowledge, so until they realize my actual age, I’m just making 20yr olds look good lol. Also, I’ve only ever dated 2 guys older than me.
  2. I’ll be adulting.. like when I was buying a car, I was being treated like the 21yr old I look like. I had to be one of those people who are like.. LISTEN. I’M XX YEARS OLD. DON’T BS ME. Then attitudes change quick. From my job, to my age, attitudes always seem to change, for better or worse.

This is why I keep things to myself, because I’m tired of society judging me. I’m doing some things that, “don’t make sense”. Well hey, wanna know what’s better than Society’s Opinion?! MINE.

Honestly though, I feel bad for people who are actually in their 20s – I work with a lot of them. Because I can at least verify myself as NOT being one of them, to provide the “perception” that I’m not an idiot? Seriously.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?!

Not that any of my words will change any of you reading this, but can we just take a step back every once in a while? Can we just see people for WHO THEY ARE?

For what their eyes say?

What their hearts feel?

What dreams they have, and values they hold on to?

Their actions?

I get we are in an electronic age, but lets start opening books again based on the story and words within the pages.. not the cover.

Remember what happens when we assume..?

 

❤

 

 

 

a whole bunch of nonsense

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I feel so inclined to vent today.. It’s been one shit week let me tell ya.

But as angry, hurt, frustrated, just overly emotional as I am, today was an eye opener. I don’t really talk about what is going on with me unless people ask. I have this assumption (or should I say expectation?) that if someone wanted to know something about me, they would ask, right? Just as I ask how people are doing on a daily basis.

side note: Why do I keep thinking people are like me!?

Anyway – I was chatting with a co-worker this morning and he opened up about some personal struggles he was facing. I provided my support, and shared that it’s a very interesting time, because I have recently been experiencing some similarities with others I know. Very large personal changes happening, and none are on the side of positive at the moment.

As he continued to explain, I had a moment of gratitude.. That realization, which I try and remind myself often, is that there are worse things happening out there in the world than my own “problems”. And although this idea still causes anxiety and depression – because I think I can handle ANYTHING I tell ya! – it was still rather fascinating to me that life just never stops.

No matter what is happening – happiness, vacations, sadness, losing your job – whatever it may be, life is always just happening for others. I had this huge bout of anxiety a few weeks back because something was happening to everyone around me. New jobs, new apartments, babies, new relationships, you name it. Generally speaking, it was all good things at that time. And I wondered, “why am I stagnant?!” But I realize now, maybe it wasn’t stagnation, maybe I was just in preparation mode. Maybe it’s true,

all great changes

That’s it – for me it was internal chaos, but chaos nonetheless. And not to say I’ve got all things figured out, but I have definitely been doing things now, that I should have been doing weeks, if not, months ago.

In thinking about all that was happening with people around me, my focus shifted. I then finally realized where my anxiety stems from. People. Lol.. more so, I’m afraid to lose people. Most of you know relationships are important to me. But there always comes a time in all my relationships, especially friendships, where I start “expecting” things. And by “things” I mean behaviors. Again, I assume people are like me, or I assume the Golden Rule holds true.

The problem, as we know, is if everyone were doctors, we would have no firemen. So I don’t know why I begin to expect that people just turn into me with all my goodness and giving. They aren’t me. So what ends up happening, and hysterically enough this has happened to all my very best and closest friends, is that I feel like I’m losing them somehow. Because they aren’t “caring” about me as much as I care about them while life is happening to them.

As I was sitting here sipping my latte, I realized – In almost all my closest friendships there has come a point where I questioned the loyalty of said friend. I would get upset because they were not treating me, as I do them. And as we know, I’m a little extreme – I love without boundaries and give without cause. And in each of these friendships, I’ve pushed to the point of a sort-of exile – where I, in a sense, remove this person from my peripheral, thinking this will fix whatever underlying issue there is.

After hiding, (like with one friend, we stopped speaking almost 2 years) if all is meant to be, we usually find ourselves back, talk it out, and create an even stronger bond. And literally this has happened to all 4 of my closest friends. But why? Why did each friendship have to be “tested”?

expectation

The reality is, that things are happening all around us, to everyone around us, all the time. Change is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean your people have to, or will change. I also need to continuously remind myself that I am not like other people. I will always care more. But for some reason, I thought it was easier to shut people out than care sometimes, thinking this would ease the pain of potential “loss”. Though clearly it’s not the best route to show that you do care.. oops. I’m just glad that the handful of people I have kept, chose to keep me too. I’m worth it, I swear! 🙂

However, the one thing I need to work on are these “expectations”. I hate expectations! So I wonder why I have them with the people I care most about? This is definitely something I never came to terms with until now, which to me, is surprising. I guess better late then never.

So if I’ve ever kicked you down or become overly emotional because of my un-met needs, I apologize. I am the only person who can meet my needs, so I have to understand and trust to utilize my people for their strengths, just as they use me for mine. xoxo

#rantover

❤

stop listening

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

You know that saying:

ears

Yah, yah – we need to listen more than we talk.. and this is interesting really.. because it is a valid point to this post. I was going to dive into the idea that we need to STOP listening to others so much, and more of ourselves.. but this is a great point to note that people also need to STOP talking so much too.

mouthclosed

I guess with one truly comes the other.

I learned recently during what I like to call another “episode” of the Darkest of Times, and what a friend calls a “spring-crisis”, (or whatever season this seems to happen on) that for as much as I preach to myself to.. well.. listen to myself, I tend to take what others say more into consideration. And I’m not saying a second opinion isn’t worth it, but why are we always looking for that second opinion at all? Or worse, why are people giving us second opinions when we don’t want them? I know that when people care, they challenge us, to make us think outside ourselves or from a different perspective. And of course, I’m not saying that challenging an idea isn’t helpful either, but the people in our lives are supposed to support us. << Was that enough emphasis there? Lol.

And I understand that in supporting each other, we also need to challenge each other, however, many times we don’t realize, that sometimes people just need support. And to be listened to.

That’s it.

Sometimes an opinion is not what anyone is looking for. Many times, we already know the answer. Whether or not we want to act on those answers is another story.. but the point is, we know ourselves better than most. There may be a handful of people that border on “osmosis-through-the-brain” and may see things that we may have overlooked, but in the end, if we all sit in a dark room alone, we know or feel our truth.

I’m a feeler as we know (however creepy that may sound, lol) so the one thing I realized the past two weeks is that people kept providing me with logical answers. Answers from the brain, if you will. I’m not against my brain, but in my experience, when I have lived through my emotions vs my brain, I always end up happier.

My life-answers are always from the heart. My brain is only useful during actual logical situations.. like driving, following the rules of the road, work, professionalism, math, science. You get my drift. But at any time that matters of life are involved, for me, there is no truer way to live other than from your heart. Your instincts never let you down, even if you fall on your face. I’ve asked guys out, I’ve moved across the country, I’ve quit jobs, gone on last-minute road trips or flights to nowhere. So many of these emotion-driven decisions that resulted in some anxiety and stress, lol BUT ALSO c r a z y,  wonderful times ❤

And the crazy-wonderful is what I live for. I clearly have always figured it out. I can still feed myself, pay my rent, and clothe myself. But somewhere in the last two weeks, I thought it was better to use my brain than my heart. Sadly, and I guess, OBVI – it did not make me happy. I’m a giver, I’m a helper, I’m the worlds biggest supporter. I NEED to be there for people, even if they aren’t there for me. Does that make me crazy? I say no. It just makes the other people look bad. boom.

Long story, short. Stop listening.

Stop listening to the outside noises. Stop listening to your friends, your family, your co-workers. Yes, they are trying to help, and yes you can consider those ideas, but in the end, you are going to do whatever it is you will do anyway. So long as you accept those consequences – which I love, because that means I own my life – then live your best life for you.. and your heart.. and leave your brain on the kitchen table every now and then.

listentoyourheart

❤

 

priorities.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Aside from my overly-optimistic mindset going into this new year, hilariously enough, this could be considered to NOT be one of my best years as of yet.

From a large addition to my workload in January, sickness when it was most inconvenient right after my vacation in February, then losing my grandmother at the end of Feb/early March, and down to the seriously painful fire of shin-splints, while trying to train for my first 10k. Which is in 5 weeks, mind you, and these shins are only allowing me to run 3days/week if I’m lucky. It’s like I can’t catch a break. Yet – when anyone asks.. I keep saying that considering my “small bumps” in the road, things are wonderful.

And really, I know several people who would hide in a hole if all these things happened at the same time – but I’m still – eh life is good. Lol.

Recently I think I have come full-circle on something though. And my “benefit-of-the-doubt” attitude struggles with this, but then again, I can only control myself when it comes to being “busy” or not “having time.”

I say this because someone who I think is wonderful keeps putting off plans. And as much as I know the time constraints of this particular person, I keep thinking of a time, far, far, away.. like last year, lol – when this happened with someone else.. and it fell into the idea below:

priority

I was not a priority.. and maybe this is happening again. BUT.. this full-circle..

I read, and re-read this, 1) because I love it, and 2) because this was happening to ME! And I wasn’t even noticing it! For me however, it was that I was focusing my attention to things I didn’t consider priorities. That last line pulls at my heart strings:

“Changing our language reminds us that time is a choice. If we don’t like how we’re spending an hour, we can choose differently.”

THIS. 

I was not doing things, because I “didn’t have time.” But in reality, I was not prioritizing properly. I let insignificant things get in the way.

Time. Is. A. Choice.

And this Easter weekend, whether it be the Lord’s rising or the Universe’s full moon, something came over me and I remembered what my priorities were. At least some of them. Like ice cream. For reals tho.

Anyway, as I was thoroughly enjoying myself, and making myself a priority this weekend, it brought me back to other people. Is this a situation of forgetting that time is a choice? Possibly. Or am I just not the priority after all? Maybe. I know last year that was the case. But if I have learned one thing in finance it’s that, “Past performance is no guarantee of future results.” And because I know all situations are relative, that comment is fairly accurate (generally speaking) in that your past does not control your future. Or it shouldn’t at least, because we can always make a new decision, change, beginning. Especially if the past involves a complete and separate entity than what is currently in the present/future.

So with all the static that has happened already in the first 3 months of 2018, the only thing that has made this year mediocre at best, was me forgetting my priorities. Otherwise, it’s still been amazing. Because with recent events, it forced me to take a step to the side, (we never go back people!) and stop for a second to remember who I am and what makes my heart happy. I started focusing on what I “used” to love. Or more like, what I have always loved.. but I just started making time for them again.

It all comes down to the idea that – to be your own priority is to never be someone else’s option.

Time. Is. A. Choice.

Choose wisely my friends.

Cheers!

i’m not easy

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Today I experienced first hand the idea that :

“It is easy to hate and difficult to love.” -Confucious

Love takes energy, time, patience, and work. With that:

“It’s a lot easier to be mad, then admit you are hurt.” – Anon.

Because again, to admit fault or hurt, takes energy.. work. We are all defensive in a way in order to protect our emotions, our pride. But what we forget is the capacity, even in all  the frustration, to maintain happiness.

There needs to be a constant reminder, that in the end, it is only ourselves who can make us happy. I’m going to assume most people have seen this video:

 

“..not coming to each other begging with our empty cups out, demanding that [you] fill my cup, and demanding that [you] meet my needs – it’s unfair and it’s kind of unrealistic and can be destructive to place the responsibility of your happiness on anybody other than yourself.”

I fell upon this video by accident, but the last few seconds really hit home, especially recently. I am one of, I’m sure many, who have been victim to allowing others to determine my happiness. I would get upset when others would “steal my happiness” because I never understood why anyone would take away, or try to, remove happiness from anyone. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure right? So let it be. But now I see a little clearer that those people who try and “take away” any kind of energy are just lacking in themselves. And this is not to say these people are terrible people, but it’s just a terrible cycle of emotion, holding pride, and building walls out of fear of feeling anything.

“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves, rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time, cease to react at all.” -Yogi Bhajan

YES.

Again, just another fantastic point that how people treat you, is almost never a reflection of you as a person, but in how they see themselves. This is a little sad to me, because I would always hope that we all have a level of wonderment towards ourselves. However, as many know, deep down most of us have.. issues, if you will. From self-esteem to self-awareness.

It’s in moments like these why I always end up hurting because, I am not easy. I love, Love. I like to work hard and show emotion. I choose patience over anger. I choose happiness.

❤

 

available

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

(quote disclaimer – there are a few in this post. lol)

Why am I always available?

And by available, it’s more of a “making time” situation. The small amount of people I actually like, when any of them need me, I am always “available”.

calendarfriend

This ^^ I am the friend who never consults a calendar. Because people are more important than calendars. Time is only meaningful when you spend it properly. But why is it, that it’s only me who lives this way? I have wonderful, wonderful friends. People that, I don’t know how I could live without. People who have added value, meaning, or even just good company. Yet these same people never seem to be available when I need them. I either get no responses, or the usual “I’m busy.” But turn this around, and I am changing plans, picking up my phone, and getting the next possible second to give to these people. And I’m sure there’s a few of you who question: Who are these terrible friends? Or want to comment plainly: Find new friends.

Trust me, I have questioned and commented a few times to myself. And the hilarious part about this is, these same people wonder why I eventually lose it and sort of explode emotionally. And THEN it’s all: “What happened? Why are you so emotional? I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” I don’t want sorry – what I needed, was someone a week ago to talk things out with, you know, sort of what I do in return?! So that moments like this, don’t happen.

And to be honest, I have been told my friend “expectations” are a little high. The thing is, I don’t expect anything. It’s more an assumption (which I guess is just as bad) that the Golden Rule exists with people who matter most to you: Treat others as you want to be treated.

If I treated some people the way they treat me, i.e. as the rule states, how they “want” to be treated, I’d have no friends.

2744215-Jewel-Quote-Excuse-me-guess-I-ve-mistaken-you-for-somebody-else

Is that it maybe? I treat people assuming they are like me and can give me the same in return. But that’s why I am me, and you are you. So maybe that’s an expectation? I’m breaking my own rules. I do have to be better with understanding that people are not like me, and that’s what makes me wonderful. But at the same time, it’s a struggle emotionally to feel as loved as I make others feel.

weseethemasweare

And there it is, closure to this post. In the end, we see things the way we are. We see people how we want to see them. And we need to remember that reality is better than expectation.. or assumption even. And when we accept things as they are, it leads to better relationships and understanding all around.

I know I shouldn’t see people as I am, and this is why I’m still friends with people who don’t give me all that I need. At the same time, it leads me on a mission to find someone who can give me what I give in return. Is my emotional dopplegänger out there?! I don’t want to believe that I am the only giver-without-expectation person in the world. There must be more.. or we really do have a lot to worry about in the future.

❤

it’s MY anniversaryyy – as sang by Tony Toni Tone.. hehe

~ NewBeginnings ~ 1 Comment

Anniversary of my awesome birth, that is! 🙂

I have been sad because I have not had much “time” to blog as I would like. Work has been insane and I’m trying my darnedest to focus on a 10k I’m running in May. But I can never go a year without expressing my love, gratitude and some terrible opinions when my Birthday rolls around! Lol

Topic for this years Birthday post is: “Nevertheless, She Persisted” which I’m borrowing from the theme of the 10k I’m running! (It’s a womens run)

I have been overly grateful lately, due to many events that have happened which force me to realize where I have been and where I am now. Iv’e had many a person make statements relating to how they view my life:

I’m spoiled.

All I do is brunch and drink

I’m a snob because I live walking distance to a beautiful ocean

I have a perfect life

Ok, let me explain, I am spoiled. Lol – not out of chance, however, which I feel people forget.. But I spoil MYSELF from working my ass off on a weekly basis, into the evening even – just to have the things I have. I have debt people, and I still have bills to pay. It’s called budgeting.

I only brunch on the weekends, relax. 😉 And red wine is good for – life. Anyway – who the eff cares?! You wanna brunch?! Go effing brunch! I don’t quite understand how/why brunching and wine drinking are effecting the masses not actively involved in my life. And yes, I’m a relative food snob. I have learned what good food tastes like, and how it effects mood and your body as a whole. So yes, I prefer to eat, drink, and enjoy as best as I can afford.

Call me a snob all you want, but It’s not like I was just granted this life, like *poof!* here ya go Kara! ALL YOURS! Love, God. Nope, doesn’t work like that. As many know, I moved to SoCal with 3k, no job, no home, blah, blah, nothing. So to all of a sudden be a snob because I got a job that allows me to rent a studio – yes, I live in a studio by the water – means nothing. I know how to do math, and I wanted to live by the water.. so I get a studio, do laundry at a laundromat, and live the best bad-ass life with what I have. Did the universe or the Lord have something to do with my blessings? Maybe, but there is nothing in this world that is ever handed to us without effort.

And no. There is no perfect life.. we all know this. So why would you say this to anyone!? There are millions of things we don’t know about anyone’s life. Mine in particular, from abuse (in multiple forms), to anxiety, eating disorders, and depression. I was a broken and desperate person until I was about 26. I was lucky to have enough hope and love in myself to not turn into a drug-addicted stripper in Vegas.. Because that thought did cross my mind at one point.

So going into this new year.. at my very young age.. LOL, I am proud to look back and see that I never once allowed myself to be called a “victim” of anything. Whether it be my abuse, or of circumstance. I have never believed in “blaming” life on anything, or anyone. Or making excuses for who I am. I’ve made mistakes, more than I would like to admit, but every day is a New Beginning. The only person to be better than is yourself. Many people hate when I say that.. mainly because excuses and blame are an easy fix. “I have anxiety”, “I was abused”, “I have issues”. I know many wonderful people who have issues (lol, I mean who doesn’t!?) – who have anxiety, depression.. and they still wake up every morning with a mission to create – whether it be art, music, or their life ❤

This life is our choice. We choose our happiness, and if we are lucky enough for some great moments to fall in our laps, even better. But still.. if someone puts a cute puppy on your lap, it’s still a choice of whether you’re going to pet it or not. Hence, just like the outside assumptions of my life, nothing is just given. We still need to do something with what’s provided to us.

I-am-not-what-happened-to-me-I-am-what-I-choose-to-become.

So for my Birthday, I wish you all health, wealth, happiness, and more importantly, love. As much as I hate Valentine’s Day – I love LOVE! Because love in it’s pure form is a verb. An action word. You must love to be loved. And in my life, I kept choosing love. To love myself, to love my life. It was all I had sometimes to allow myself to wake up another day ❤

Cheers!

life still happens..

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

even if you don’t post it on social media.

I’ve never liked that saying, “If you didn’t post it, did it really happen?”

I mean, we all know the answer to that.. right? Or at least I hope my readers know the answer to that? lol – but seriously – Trees are still making noises in empty forests..

Which brings me to my all time favorite quote, possibly ever:

IMG_5513

I found an image of this last year and googled to find the origin to make sure I had it right, and boy was I in awe of reading these words, over and over, and over, and over..

It was my mantra last year.. and it will continue to be, every year going forward until I find something more amazing (if that’s even possible).

I shared this a few weeks back in a smaller scale, mentioning that I hope those reading know that this does not mean hide under a rock (although I’m not completely against that sometimes). But more so, keeping your life and your moments to yourself.

Be true to yourself. Do you boo.

I use this as a way to live my life on my terms. There is SO MUCH  N O I S E  out there. Never mind from society, but from family, friends, and even those old high school FB “friends” who look at your life and make assumptions. I know plenty of people judge my life. For me, I just worry that some aren’t as happy as social media makes them out to be due to the expectations of over-sharing. Whats that other wonderful quote?

“Expectation is the root of all heartache” -William Shakespeare

And that’s why this idea of keeping certain things, like in this example: travel, love, and happiness to yourself is important. Because these things: Travel, Love, Happiness – they involve emotion, experiences, and memories. They are not supposed to be measured or compared, or shown to outshine others. Emotions are our own, no one really, truly understands how another feels because emotions are personal.

I hope for everyone in 2018 we learn to actually experience something wonderful – without expectation, and the need for approval or recognition by others. Because those who matter will probably be with you, or they’ll know your travels because they’re that person who needs to know in case you are stolen, amiright?! Or is that just a personal fear? lol.

Get out there friends! And make beautiful things ❤