Tag: random

90% is still an A, amiright?!

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Gah! I have failed you all again 😦

But also again, it was for wonderful reasons.. I spent time with some of my favorite people, celebrated a birthday (and you know how much I love Birthdays!), and saw Beauty and The Beast with my most favorite people in the whole world. Well, maybe I bribed him, lol – because I paid, knowing I would love the movie more than him. But c’mon, I also chose Batman Lego Movie, and that movie was bomb!

Anyway, I don’t have much insight or news, rather, just sharing that it was definitely a weekend of getting my life back together. I cleaned, did laundry (with still two more loads to go! 😦 ) went grocery shopping, ran some errands.. You know, all the simple things that trick your brain into thinking you have your life in order..! Lol

Stress is still keeping off the track with my heart-break-dancing, but I do have an appointment in a week to get that baby checked. All the small, wonderful moments of the weekend helped ease some thumping though 🙂 I haven’t been this happily tired in a long time 🙂

I hope everyone out there had at least a good moment this weekend, and more so, I hope Monday didn’t take away the goodness ❤

 

🙂

 

time flies when you’re.. in the middle of a challenge!

~ NewBeginnings ~ 2 Comments

16 more days! Wholie Molies! Honestly, I never thought I’d see the day. This challenge has been great for me, but darnit, it’s also been trying! I am just pumped that in these 31 days, so far I have only missed one day.. and it was for good reason 🙂

Note – I haven’t finished that Positive Psychology book yet, because I did some yoga tonight peeps! Who’s excited?! I honestly would love to know the ‘why’ and ‘how’ of my motivation, because one day (or most days lately) I get out of work, am depressed, stressed, overly anxious, and in bed by 7pm. And throughout the day I’m psyching myself up.. like “Yah! you will go to yoga tonight! You WILL make it to the sauna to de-stress and de-toxify!” And I usually feel like I might actually do it.. yet most days lately, the min I know I can leave the office, I deflate – In a good way really, it’s like a release of some stress but it’s sort of a downer because I physically and mentally have no strength to do anything else other than eat so I can stay alive, and go to bed and sort of hide.

So today was definitely the little lift I needed in my spirits. So proud of myself for not sulking and letting go today. I’m also pretty pumped that Iv’e made it half way to 31! It’s like a little milestone in March. I did sort of put on my shoulders a little extra challenge with yoga.. to try and do at least a 20 min sequence for the next week.. (baby steps people!) My body definitely isn’t what it was 5 months ago 😦

Today kind of hurt, and I’m sure I’ll feel it tomorrow, but a challenge within a challenge, is the ultimate challenge!

Thank you to all those who continue to read and follow this March journey, and hopefully I have some good stuff to write about in the next two weeks 🙂

 

🙂

 

failure and the best 3 days

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Can we just talk for a sec about how sort-of fantastic the past few days have been!? Now, if I’m going to be honest, there was tragedy in the midst of my happiness. My heart still hurts thinking about it – and as I am not tied directly to this tragedy, it’s different for me. But it is a tragedy all the same.

This actually brings me to a short conversation I had with a co-worker today about how strange and sort-of sad life can be because when there is a tragedy that does not affect a mass population but say only a family.. the rest of the world lives on. When we lose a loved one.. we are who suffers, yet everyone around us carries on their day with jokes and conversation. Isn’t that strange? I don’t know, I think it is.. Because as I had one of the best weekends in a long time, and a great end to an “eh” Monday.. and yet part of me feels terrible that there is someone out there that I know of who is grieving.

And I digress.. but I do feel a sting of pain reminiscing about such a great few days – However, I am also more grateful for those moments. Just as I had written on Saturday, I spent the most beautiful day with my dad running errands and helping him get stuff done. On Sunday, which is my failure – I DIDN’T POST! 😦 – for good reason though, I was out all day and didn’t get home until 11:30pm and by the time I looked at my watch getting into bed, it was 10 past midnight.. I let the day win. But in every time we fall we get back up right?! I wasn’t going to miss today!

Anyway, Sunday was church day with my daddio, did I mention it was another perfect day weather-wise?! 😎 And afterwards I took an adventure into the mountains to go to a LuLaRoe pop-up where I knew no one. That is an important note. I knew no one. I haven’t gone anywhere on my own free will to meet people since that volleyball meet-up 4 years ago.. and if you know me at all.. you see where that got me! Broken hearts and best friends..

Well I went, and I showed up! And I met some great people! I forgot what that rush felt like. And as happy as I am with my baby-circle of friends, making connections and networking is so great, and always helpful. As I adventured back later in the afternoon, I met up with the broken-heart-turned-best-friend and we had dinner, shared some laughs, and conversed over Netflix. And as mentioned earlier, I got home late, just in time for bed.

Today was a normal Monday BUT an old high school friend of mine was traveling the coast with his wife. The weather is a little strange by the coast and been super foggy so they stopped in my neighborhood where they are staying the night before driving back up to NorCal. We were able to catch up while I ate my sushi and they ordered to-go. It had been a long day for them, and I didn’t mind at all.. I was just thrilled we got to share some time. More so, I was over ecstatic because my theory of “We are who we are, people don’t change” -Great Expectations – came to life! We chatted about how we don’t talk to anyone from high school because we sort of had the same path.. moving to a small town where everyone already knew everyone.. and not ever quite feeling like you fit in.. We talked about running into other people and they are still the same as they were 18 years ago.. except with children. It was just great to know that after the awfulness of high school we are still who we are, and we don’t suck. Lol.

I guess for me, the weekend was full of feeling great about the unexpected. And allowing it to create good things. On top of that, being grateful for what I have, what comes my way, and still having these opportunities. To be able to continue on, day-to-day, knowing there is sadness around you, but also remembering that it is in those human connections whether new, old, or  sad even, that create meaning in this life.

 

🙂

 

Perception {draft}

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I’ve written about perception before.. stating how life is what WE see of it.. and in reality there are many perceptions. Like the example of a car accident. 5 people witness it – you get 5 stories. But the thing about reality is.. there are still underlying truths and constants that we can’t deny. So in this car accident for example, the 5 people will tell you how they saw or perceived it. However, one thing is fact – there was a car accident. One car hit another.

We’ve come to a point where we only care how WE see things vs how things actually are. We care only about what WE believe vs what the truths behind the situation are. Someone doesn’t like you – you can tell yourself all day long that “One day we’ll be happy, one day they will appreciate me”. That’s great – we can’t survive without hope, however, be careful lying to yourself. Because you can’t change others. We can only change ourselves. So, of course, is it possible that person may one day be like, “oh gosh, you are great!” Of course! Anything is possible right!? But you can’t negate the PROBABLE.

Fact is this person does not like you.. For whatever reason. Whatever THEIR perception is of the situation doest matter, just like your hope.. fact right now is they don’t like you. The end.

And of course, I’m not telling anyone to give up on their hopes and dreams but you just have to accept the facts that come with them.

So be mindful of when you fall into conversations of, “well I see” or “I think” or “I feel”.. Because, that’s great! But it doest take away the facts of whatever the situation holds.

 

don’t marry me {draft}

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i don’t ever want someone to ask me to marry them.

i want someone to ask me to love them for longer than eternity.

i want someone to ask me to stand by them until we both can no longer stand.

i want someone to ask me to be a part of their soul for a thousand forevers.

i want someone to ask me to give of myself to them until it is no longer humanly possible.

i want someone to ask me to take adventures with them for as long as memories will last.

 

I don’t ever want someone to ask me to marry them.

I don’t want until death do us part.

I want more than “marriage”.

I want only death to part us, but for forever to hold us.

inaudible sounds

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As I get older, I realize my body can’t adapt to temperature change like it used to. I went on a mini-vaca for my Birthday back in February to a cold destination.. for only 3 1/2 days. On day 3 I already started feeling stuffed up and achy.. how!? I had only been in the snow for 3 days! and was already packing to head home! When I got home, my brain was numb and I could barely speak without sounding like the Charlie Brown teacher.. Sneezing actually felt AMAZING. And of course, after another 3 days being home, I finally began to feel better..

So I’ll assume I have a 3-day-weather-window where if it changes “drastically” in three days, I guess I’m bound to get sick. Exhibit A: Fast forward to today – Literally last week the weather started getting SoCal beautiful, about high 60s into the 70s, sunny, not really warm per say, but it was nice compared to the 50-60 degrees, cloudy and rainy we’ve been experiencing. One day in particular, I believe it was this past Wednesday, was like 80 degrees out and warm. Low and behold, by yesterday afternoon (Sunday) my face began to feel like a balloon.

So.Annoying. Even though I was in bed by like 9pm last night, it didn’t seem to help because today I sound like a muffled cartoon once more. And can we just talk about how it’s always one nostril at a time?! Like c’mon nose you’re supposed to be a team! Well, I guess if you think about it, it may be a good thing? Because I can’t really imagine both air passages feeling this way at the same time.. ok sorry nose, I take that back, go ahead and take turns.

But still, so uncomfortable. But also.. when that nostril finally tingles and makes way for air?! It’s like I’m reborn! It’s almost too much air! How?! But also, so AMAZING.

All in all, being sick isn’t really fun, but it can at least be slightly entertaining. I’ll be paying attention to how long this lasts.. I don’t really want 3 to be my lucky number, but I guess having an expected pattern is better than a 5-day flu.

 

🙂

 

oh sn-app!

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Can we just talk about this for a hot sec? Apps – on your phone, on your tablet.. wherever..

I was just currently using a coloring book app and my 5min Journal app.

Two things that once required actual work: writing in a journal and coloring in a book.

What has become of us?! Honestly, speaking solely on behalf of myself, I mostly use the coloring app when I’m bored and at the laundromat. The 5min Journal, I added as a complement to my normal leather-bound journal to keep me focused and as stress-free as possible while I’m at work.

But I think of these things as I recall a co-worker yelling in my door as he walks by.. “They don’t teach cursive in schools anymore, did you know that!?” and wonder.. is this why communication is dying? We are so consumed by “easier” and “convenient” we have lost touch of authenticity.

And I know this conversation happens on a daily basis. Even as this tool of a computer helps me get a few random thoughts across to the blogging public vs reading a paper or magazine. I too am victim of some sort of “easy” technology. But when did technology become a tool for us to no longer think for ourselves? Because let’s be real, a blogging site is more so a network of writers sharing thoughts and ideas, we still need to think in order to type. So this version of technology has been a positive impact, and accomplished what it was meant to – bringing people and ideas together. But something like a coloring app? There’s no more thoughtfulness as to choice of color, working that pencil or crayon even, blending colors, or even accepting a color that you can’t go back on now.. you really should have chosen the forest green.. 😐 I mean there are apps for dating now.. meeting real people! How do you use 35 seconds of an app and a photo to know someone?

I don’t know, maybe my age is showing.. I mean, I remember when the internet was born. I remember dial-up, and AOL.. It’s fascinating and scary all at the time.

And yet we still have these conversations that the world is losing touch, relying on technology to a fault. Yet there is never any change. We don’t change our process, we just fall deeper into technology, and apps in particular, that take something meaningful, like meeting a person, capturing memories, expressing yourself, and even creating art.. and turning it into the same motion as changing the channel on a TV.

 

 

 

missing quote

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I’ve been searching for about 30 minutes now for a quote I saw a few days back. I wish I had screen-shot it, or saved it..

It went something like this:

“Just because you have a bad day at work, doesn’t mean you have a bad job. Just because you have a good day at work, doesn’t mean you have a good job.”

And if I remember correctly it was another line or two longer about the overall feeling your job has on you. (If someone is familiar with this and can share, I’d love to have a copy of the actual quote, because I wanted to post it as reference) I could also be off on the wording as well, so I apologize in advance.

Anyway, I’ve been thinking and re-stating (what I can remember) this since I saw it. I’m questioning my own feelings about my situation. Are they just bad days? Or are they just good days?

 

 

 

 

The prodigal blogger

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Dear internet friends and fellow readers.. for those who still read..

I am back! sort of – it’s strange really, one day my brain just started flooding with ideas to write about – Everyday issues in an array of topics.. It’s like the past 7 mo I was having writers block and I cleaned out my ears to let some light into my brain.

Hopefully those who I enjoyed blogging with are still out there in interweb-verse. I feel behind in my reading too.. Not sure why it is now, though, that I was slapped with this emotion, idea, wonderment, and an urge to type again.. but I’ll take it.

Even this sad min intro-post – it’s terrible really lol, but I had to reach out and prepare you for what is to come.

Will it all be interesting, fulfilling, even well-written? Probably not – lol – but I do hope to get conversation out there again with everyday challenges and my perspective on this life’s journey of making every day better for us all.

Hope you all have been well, I’m looking forward to a few new posts soon and get these blog posts rollin’.

till next time,

cheers!

 

 

just another random sunday..

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Being sick just weeks before Thanksgiving really made me stop to re-group. I have a trip planned to visit my brother and his farm of children for the holiday (there’s four of them), never mind the pre-made plans I have to meet up with a friend visiting from out of state just days before that! I just can not socially afford to be sick right now. Also, being this the first time I’ve been sick since becoming single was sorta making the whole situation worse.. but at the same time, made me focus more on kicking this thing.

Anyway, I have done absolutely nothing this weekend. And by nothing, I mean I slept in as long as I could on Saturday and forced myself out of the house for a few hours just not to feel emotionally miserable. I’ve been living off of vitamin C, soup and tea, and the extra sleep definitely did a body good. Waking up today (Sunday) was a relief. Knowing myself, however, I knew not to get too excited because my normal protocol when feeling better is usually to go do a MILLION things. Why? you may ask.. well.. because I’m feeling better dammit, I can do anything! Right? Thankfully, I have learned that never works, because I usually end up ill for about 5 more days when I push it. So instead, to fill my need of adventures and activities, I went to breakfast at my favorite diner with the roommate, and then like a good little sick girl, took myself back home. Understanding my need to get better, I decided this is a perfect opportunity to finally unpack the residual boxes that had been collecting dust in my bedroom.

**Note: I moved over a year ago.. no big deal. Can we say procrastination?

This residual mess I had just sitting in my room was a number of things – divorce papers, tax documents, a lot of pictures, books, and some random things. I had recently been given a much-needed book shelf (recent = 3 months ago – just emphasizing my procrastination haha) and finally put it to good use.

In my sorting, dusting, and organizing.. I ran into several things that made me wonder why I kept any of this stuff. Of the questionable items were pictures, (ugh unfortunately many of them) of a lot of exes. Some still providing great memories, while others reminding me why I’m crazy sometimes. This got me to thinking.. should I just shred all this? Now mind you, I’m a memory keeper – meaning that I have about 6 memory boxes starting back from college, (thats about 15 years worth – ewww I’m showing my age haha!) and I still save stuff to this day – cards, pictures, ticket stubs, event tickets, you name it, if I think it holds some sort of value to my life, then it’s a keeper.

The stuff that sort of pinches my insides are the hardest – do I keep it as a reminder? To remind myself what never to do again? Or is it worthless because I mean, in the end, who is gonna keep it all anyway?! You see, never mind myself, but there are photos from weddings of friends who are also now divorced, many of those friends I don’t even talk to or even know where they are anymore. Photos of trips, and events with exes, other family member exes.. etc.. so strange. Again, some of them were great to remember.. others, (honestly, I’m pretty proud of myself for this – I had already cut out the exes from the photos or just removed them and stuck them in a ‘random’ pile. Yup, I was that girl – I will cut you out of pictures.. Mmwuaahahaha!) those others.. they just, I don’t know, it wasn’t pain, it was more annoyance. I kept saying, Ugh, jerk – never again! Haha, but for my soul, it was a great reminder of how much better my choices have been. To be clear, I did decide to shred some photos.. of duplicates, and some that just had no need to stay in my brain’s ‘memory box’.

Thankfully with technology, (or maybe NOT thankfully..) nowadays, the most you can do is delete photos anyway – yet as we have learned – they are never deleted for good. Which I guess sort of helps my idea of saving of such things that, Hey, if the internet keeps it forever, I guess I can too. It was definitely a strange journey through the pictures that start from the 6th grade – when I was still living in SoCal (the 1st time) – I pretty much spent about 2 hours reliving my entire late childhood and my transition into adulthood. Gonna be honest, it was slightly awkward at times haha. I had some good stuff to show my roommate too, and overall, I was pretty happy to finally get through it. Honestly, there was a part of me that was scared at what I’d find. But hey, if wedding certificates paper-clipped to divorce decree’s aren’t scary anymore, then really, what could possibly be in there that could still scare me?

I guess my point in all this, even for someone like me who loves tomorrow – I am a planner by nature, and you can’t plan without tomorrow! You also can’t have new beginnings without today! – As much as we/I want to keep yesterday far behind us and focus on the now..and plan for tomorrow.. the past never seems to go away.. Sometimes it even finds you after a few years just to remind you of how far you’ve come – or maybe for some, and in some cases for me – to show you how much further you can go. It’s a crazy life we live, and all you can do is keep learning, keep trucking, keep remembering that it is all yesterday. We are constantly in the past, in yesterday.. That second it took to write that last sentence, yup already the past. Interesting isn’t it? So why be afraid of it? We are constantly living in it.

See what happens when I get sick? I think too much. Happy random Sunday!

Cheers!