Tag: love

stop listening

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

You know that saying:

ears

Yah, yah – we need to listen more than we talk.. and this is interesting really.. because it is a valid point to this post. I was going to dive into the idea that we need to STOP listening to others so much, and more of ourselves.. but this is a great point to note that people also need to STOP talking so much too.

mouthclosed

I guess with one truly comes the other.

I learned recently during what I like to call another “episode” of the Darkest of Times, and what a friend calls a “spring-crisis”, (or whatever season this seems to happen on) that for as much as I preach to myself to.. well.. listen to myself, I tend to take what others say more into consideration. And I’m not saying a second opinion isn’t worth it, but why are we always looking for that second opinion at all? Or worse, why are people giving us second opinions when we don’t want them? I know that when people care, they challenge us, to make us think outside ourselves or from a different perspective. And of course, I’m not saying that challenging an idea isn’t helpful either, but the people in our lives are supposed to support us. << Was that enough emphasis there? Lol.

And I understand that in supporting each other, we also need to challenge each other, however, many times we don’t realize, that sometimes people just need support. And to be listened to.

That’s it.

Sometimes an opinion is not what anyone is looking for. Many times, we already know the answer. Whether or not we want to act on those answers is another story.. but the point is, we know ourselves better than most. There may be a handful of people that border on “osmosis-through-the-brain” and may see things that we may have overlooked, but in the end, if we all sit in a dark room alone, we know or feel our truth.

I’m a feeler as we know (however creepy that may sound, lol) so the one thing I realized the past two weeks is that people kept providing me with logical answers. Answers from the brain, if you will. I’m not against my brain, but in my experience, when I have lived through my emotions vs my brain, I always end up happier.

My life-answers are always from the heart. My brain is only useful during actual logical situations.. like driving, following the rules of the road, work, professionalism, math, science. You get my drift. But at any time that matters of life are involved, for me, there is no truer way to live other than from your heart. Your instincts never let you down, even if you fall on your face. I’ve asked guys out, I’ve moved across the country, I’ve quit jobs, gone on last-minute road trips or flights to nowhere. So many of these emotion-driven decisions that resulted in some anxiety and stress, lol BUT ALSO c r a z y,  wonderful times ❤

And the crazy-wonderful is what I live for. I clearly have always figured it out. I can still feed myself, pay my rent, and clothe myself. But somewhere in the last two weeks, I thought it was better to use my brain than my heart. Sadly, and I guess, OBVI – it did not make me happy. I’m a giver, I’m a helper, I’m the worlds biggest supporter. I NEED to be there for people, even if they aren’t there for me. Does that make me crazy? I say no. It just makes the other people look bad. boom.

Long story, short. Stop listening.

Stop listening to the outside noises. Stop listening to your friends, your family, your co-workers. Yes, they are trying to help, and yes you can consider those ideas, but in the end, you are going to do whatever it is you will do anyway. So long as you accept those consequences – which I love, because that means I own my life – then live your best life for you.. and your heart.. and leave your brain on the kitchen table every now and then.

listentoyourheart

❤

 

i’m not easy

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Today I experienced first hand the idea that :

“It is easy to hate and difficult to love.” -Confucious

Love takes energy, time, patience, and work. With that:

“It’s a lot easier to be mad, then admit you are hurt.” – Anon.

Because again, to admit fault or hurt, takes energy.. work. We are all defensive in a way in order to protect our emotions, our pride. But what we forget is the capacity, even in all  the frustration, to maintain happiness.

There needs to be a constant reminder, that in the end, it is only ourselves who can make us happy. I’m going to assume most people have seen this video:

 

“..not coming to each other begging with our empty cups out, demanding that [you] fill my cup, and demanding that [you] meet my needs – it’s unfair and it’s kind of unrealistic and can be destructive to place the responsibility of your happiness on anybody other than yourself.”

I fell upon this video by accident, but the last few seconds really hit home, especially recently. I am one of, I’m sure many, who have been victim to allowing others to determine my happiness. I would get upset when others would “steal my happiness” because I never understood why anyone would take away, or try to, remove happiness from anyone. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure right? So let it be. But now I see a little clearer that those people who try and “take away” any kind of energy are just lacking in themselves. And this is not to say these people are terrible people, but it’s just a terrible cycle of emotion, holding pride, and building walls out of fear of feeling anything.

“If you are willing to look at another person’s behavior toward you as a reflection of the state of their relationship with themselves, rather than a statement about your value as a person, then you will, over a period of time, cease to react at all.” -Yogi Bhajan

YES.

Again, just another fantastic point that how people treat you, is almost never a reflection of you as a person, but in how they see themselves. This is a little sad to me, because I would always hope that we all have a level of wonderment towards ourselves. However, as many know, deep down most of us have.. issues, if you will. From self-esteem to self-awareness.

It’s in moments like these why I always end up hurting because, I am not easy. I love, Love. I like to work hard and show emotion. I choose patience over anger. I choose happiness.

❤

 

available

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

(quote disclaimer – there are a few in this post. lol)

Why am I always available?

And by available, it’s more of a “making time” situation. The small amount of people I actually like, when any of them need me, I am always “available”.

calendarfriend

This ^^ I am the friend who never consults a calendar. Because people are more important than calendars. Time is only meaningful when you spend it properly. But why is it, that it’s only me who lives this way? I have wonderful, wonderful friends. People that, I don’t know how I could live without. People who have added value, meaning, or even just good company. Yet these same people never seem to be available when I need them. I either get no responses, or the usual “I’m busy.” But turn this around, and I am changing plans, picking up my phone, and getting the next possible second to give to these people. And I’m sure there’s a few of you who question: Who are these terrible friends? Or want to comment plainly: Find new friends.

Trust me, I have questioned and commented a few times to myself. And the hilarious part about this is, these same people wonder why I eventually lose it and sort of explode emotionally. And THEN it’s all: “What happened? Why are you so emotional? I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” I don’t want sorry – what I needed, was someone a week ago to talk things out with, you know, sort of what I do in return?! So that moments like this, don’t happen.

And to be honest, I have been told my friend “expectations” are a little high. The thing is, I don’t expect anything. It’s more an assumption (which I guess is just as bad) that the Golden Rule exists with people who matter most to you: Treat others as you want to be treated.

If I treated some people the way they treat me, i.e. as the rule states, how they “want” to be treated, I’d have no friends.

2744215-Jewel-Quote-Excuse-me-guess-I-ve-mistaken-you-for-somebody-else

Is that it maybe? I treat people assuming they are like me and can give me the same in return. But that’s why I am me, and you are you. So maybe that’s an expectation? I’m breaking my own rules. I do have to be better with understanding that people are not like me, and that’s what makes me wonderful. But at the same time, it’s a struggle emotionally to feel as loved as I make others feel.

weseethemasweare

And there it is, closure to this post. In the end, we see things the way we are. We see people how we want to see them. And we need to remember that reality is better than expectation.. or assumption even. And when we accept things as they are, it leads to better relationships and understanding all around.

I know I shouldn’t see people as I am, and this is why I’m still friends with people who don’t give me all that I need. At the same time, it leads me on a mission to find someone who can give me what I give in return. Is my emotional dopplegänger out there?! I don’t want to believe that I am the only giver-without-expectation person in the world. There must be more.. or we really do have a lot to worry about in the future.

❤

life still happens..

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

even if you don’t post it on social media.

I’ve never liked that saying, “If you didn’t post it, did it really happen?”

I mean, we all know the answer to that.. right? Or at least I hope my readers know the answer to that? lol – but seriously – Trees are still making noises in empty forests..

Which brings me to my all time favorite quote, possibly ever:

IMG_5513

I found an image of this last year and googled to find the origin to make sure I had it right, and boy was I in awe of reading these words, over and over, and over, and over..

It was my mantra last year.. and it will continue to be, every year going forward until I find something more amazing (if that’s even possible).

I shared this a few weeks back in a smaller scale, mentioning that I hope those reading know that this does not mean hide under a rock (although I’m not completely against that sometimes). But more so, keeping your life and your moments to yourself.

Be true to yourself. Do you boo.

I use this as a way to live my life on my terms. There is SO MUCH  N O I S E  out there. Never mind from society, but from family, friends, and even those old high school FB “friends” who look at your life and make assumptions. I know plenty of people judge my life. For me, I just worry that some aren’t as happy as social media makes them out to be due to the expectations of over-sharing. Whats that other wonderful quote?

“Expectation is the root of all heartache” -William Shakespeare

And that’s why this idea of keeping certain things, like in this example: travel, love, and happiness to yourself is important. Because these things: Travel, Love, Happiness – they involve emotion, experiences, and memories. They are not supposed to be measured or compared, or shown to outshine others. Emotions are our own, no one really, truly understands how another feels because emotions are personal.

I hope for everyone in 2018 we learn to actually experience something wonderful – without expectation, and the need for approval or recognition by others. Because those who matter will probably be with you, or they’ll know your travels because they’re that person who needs to know in case you are stolen, amiright?! Or is that just a personal fear? lol.

Get out there friends! And make beautiful things ❤

old lady staus

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I’ve said this before, I’m a planner.

But the other day I was thinking.. WHY AM I LIKE THIS?!

There was a time, you know, where planning, to me, meant: Oh what are we doing RIGHT NOW?! Compared to my current need of wanting to control every minute of every day.

My thoughts continued.. I know where this comes from – all the consequences in my actions from the past. They have all caught up to me. So now I’m constantly bombarded with thoughts of “If, Then, What”.

Maybe this is a good thing. But in my old age – LMAO – there are still things I want to do that I shouldn’t be so worried about. Like, idk – living, loving, and being happy!?

I mean, I’m an Aquarian after all, free-spirit, gypsy wanderer.. Maybe that’s why I love the water so much.. because I’m an Air sign? Lol – but I AM the Water Bearer. I bear the water people. Water: giver-of-life, ever-changing and can either calm or destroy you. Muahahaha (lol)

A wonderful person I know once told me:

“..but the one thing I appreciated about you.. Your willingness to throw logic to the wind and go with your gut. I could never do it. But the world needs Kara’s.”

The world needs me! Well that me anyway ^^

Throw logic to the wind.. I do make decisions with my heart more than my brain that’s for sure.. Or, I feel like, I did. I mean do we remember 10/11/2012?!

Recently, however, I have found myself in more brain-space. Which again, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but I honestly feel like I’m missing out on something greater that I could be sort-of chasing, if you will. Or maybe I’m just missing a piece of myself?

One thing is certain: I normally have a pretty good balance of emotion-to-brain ratio when it comes to life. I’ve had therapists, doctors, and other professionals tell me that I am very self-aware. This apparently is surprising to others. I understand why I do things, and because of this, I also have a very good understanding of others. I have great intuition on needs vs wants, and even when “mistakes” are made, I look at myself before I look at others.

I know my boundaries. Which is interesting because the one thing that seems to mystify even the bestest of friends, is when I know I’m doing something which may potentially hurt me, yet I always feel the need to push further for myself, until I am ready to let go (if there is any letting-go involved). And I don’t quite understand why that may be a bad thing.. I know my limits, and I learn from my mistakes more than making them again. But that’s it there – mistakes. I also know and remember the feeling of those mistakes. And it’s in never wanting to experience some of those again that I think has kept me here in this “safe” brain space.

Why am I even blogging about this? I have no clue – maybe I just needed to get something out. Express an emotion I can’t quite explain, but can you really explain an emotion? You just feel it.

And I have this feeling I have been thinking too much. Lol.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ll still be stimulating my mind with wonderful things, still using a planner, and also making sure I don’t jump into the deep-end without my floaties. But I want to start making some decisions again from my heart, my gut, my inner being. I’m tired of being afraid of what tomorrow may do to me. I miss that little gypsy heart of mine.. and I want to wander a bit.

After my recent travels, I keep finding myself in conversations about more exploration and more adventures – new experiences, near and far. For the first time in a long time, I have a free and open heart to add to my free and open spirit. Those combined can only lead to amazing things – or trouble, lol 😉

Those of you out there who live these in-the-moment lives, I take advice and recommendations to heart. I want to travel alone, learn to love without expectation, and find something new about life everyday. Share your wisdom! And maybe I’ll have better stories/posts to share. lol

“You’ll never be able to escape from your heart. So it is better to listen to what it has to say.” – Paul Coelho

❤

I wish you all #9

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

As some of you may know, I just came back from an enlightening trip to the Philippines. This was my first international trip, and I’ll be blogging specifically about that, hopefully soon.

During lunch today with a dear friend, however, I was re-living all my experiences and explaining all that I had seen. There are many, many things that I took away from this trip, and as we were immersed in conversation, per usual, the conversation turned to relationships. And by “relationships” I mean we discussed all types: friendship, societal expectations, family, and of course, romantic. It was, and still is difficult to explain properly in words all I experienced, but in terms of relationships, especially being “officially, officially” single for months now, (I finally let go after months of emotional suicide) there was sort of a fire re-ignited inside me about where I am and where I am going.. #hopelessromantic

While on vacation, I was in the midst of several conversations about relationships. In addition, I was able to observe a whole new culture of relationships. And coincidentally, on one of the last days, I was sifting through my FB looking over all the posts I was tagged in – and fell into my About Me page.. totally forgot about that.. like, does anyone have stuff filled out in there anymore? Apparently I do! Within this About Me page, there is a Quotes section in which I found this:

“from a blog titled: 10 Decisions that Change Your Life
#9. When you love who you actually love. I know it’s a simple observation, but one day it just hit me that people aren’t always together because they love each other. There are a thousand different reasons people get (and stay) together and some of them can be the farthest thing from love. If this is your truth, change it. Go love who you actually love. If you don’t know who that is yet, keep living, they will come.”

I don’t know why, but this hit me like that rock in shallow water that blew up my ankle on day 2 of vacation. Lol – Anyway, in terms of romantic relationships, I’m there. Or should I say, I’m STILL there. And honestly, if I look back far enough, I think I blogged about this in the past also. This is clearly a reoccurring theme in our society, (as that blog was posted in 2013 and it still rings true today) and I’m sure in most personal lives, not just mine. The funny thing this time, is that this gave me an, almost inappropriate, wave of hope. In life there are cycles, good and bad, good and bad.. but when it comes to matters of the heart, we for some reason refuse, or more so have a difficult time, removing the “bad”. We choose to hold on mainly because of fear of the unknown (which I point out later in this post). I remember being partially annoyed when I first read this back in 2013, because I kept seeing/hearing so many people complain about their relationships (which still happens today, of course) and when I would challenge them, it always came back to some strange conversation of: “I can’t find anyone else”, “I hate being single”, “But we’ve been together x amount of years”, or worse, “I have kids” (and this is not specific to married people btw).

The kid one, though, hurts my soul constantly. Probably because I come from divorced parents. And maybe I was just a super smart 2yr old, but I learned my parents were happier without each other, and thats all that mattered. There were no more fights. We were more a family separated than together. Like, you think your kids are thrilled when they see the two people who are supposed to be in love argue, bicker, and fight? How is that a healthy representation for your children to learn love? Instead they grow up with a sense of cynicism rather than understanding that patience, and not settling for anything less than happiness, is what they should strive for. What if your child was in your relationship? Would you want your daughter or son to be cheated on? Would you want your child to fight with their spouse/significant other on a daily basis and watch their unhappiness? Who wants that!? I don’t even want that for my friends, never mind loved ones.

On top of that, I learned a lot of life lessons. I learned that sometimes things just don’t work out, sometimes you make bad decisions, sometimes we just aren’t patient enough to wait for the right person because society pressures you, sometimes the person you love doesn’t love you back. And sometimes, it’s just that you realize it’s not a fairytale – and that’s ok, because in some instances, with patience, understanding, and communication, you can create or even re-invent your own story of love and happiness.

 

  • side note – I understand that with relationships it’s not black & white, and there are a multitude of things we can dig into: past and present personal issues, struggles, communication, and even love languages, to help some people love and continue to love. But my focus here is the generalization of how people get into and stay in relationships without love to begin with, and to challenge and question: WHY!?

 

And I mean, lets be real, the divorce rate is a clear representation that people get and stay together for many reasons other than love. Maybe it’s not so much of a bad thing after all – because so many people end up finding their “true love” in later years. But imagine if we all were just a little more patient.. we could have found that person earlier perhaps, and spent more wonderful years together.

I, myself, am also a wonderful divorcé – and maybe it’s because I went head-first into fear that I learned what real love is. Because that’s all it is essentially – FEAR. We are all afraid of being alone so we settle. We are even afraid because, WHAT IF IT DOESN’T WORK OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE?! << Funny how that is a fear, yet many times we are dealing with something that isn’t working out! But that last line in that post: “If you don’t know who that is yet, keep living, they will come.” They will! The problem is patience with timing.  If some of us just waited another day, another year or two, or three even, we could be with that love. We could have that story, and it may even resemble a fairytale.

So, my friends, I wish you #9 – and if you get a chance, click the link and check out the rest of the blog post – it’s a nice quick read and a wonderful reminder that although we may not have control over life, we can control ourselves, and how we react to it.

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” -Lao-Tzu

Love and be loved, my friends.

❤

 

my biggest flaw

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I, for some reason, had an urge to share today, and as I learned from my blog challenge, I will listen!

In regards to the title of this piece, ask anyone who may know me even a little bit, and I have an inkling they will all say my biggest “problem” or “flaw” is I care too much. Many times it’s about things that, “don’t matter” or “shouldn’t matter”. Or more so, about people who “don’t deserve” it.

Good thing I don’t listen to anyone – maybe that’s another “flaw” lol.

I went to church for the first time in a long time, at my own will even.. << this is a rare occurrence. I was born and raised a Catholic – I still have those services memorized and engrained in my brain.. with the OLD language I might add – none of this “new” Catholic church language for me! lol (totally aging myself here). And let’s be clear, I have nothing against Catholics at all, but structure and methodology only speak to me in yoga. In religion, the only consistent “rules” you should find, are: to Love one another, and Worship he/she who takes care of you. (I say he/she because for many it is the Universe and Mother Earth who takes care of you, and that’s ok – because honestly, the lines of creationism and evolution are very much able to be seen as intertwined, so I never really understood how people could separate the two if you believe in anything bigger, outside of yourself.)

Anywhooo – I am in the process of trying a few congregations to see what feels best for my needs. Until this point, I haven’t been able to find anything ‘inviting’ per-say, since I moved away from Orange County. Not sure where this urge came from, but I gladly accepted it. This particular service that I went to over the weekend, (and I’m sure God knew) was legit, EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Everything from trusting the Lord, to reverting back to old ways because it’s “comfortable” versus taking yourself out of comfort for something larger.

It was relevant in so many ways about how as humans we are all flawed and don’t naturally love or forgive – we feel hate, revenge, bitterness.. And there was a moment where the pastor said something like, “And that’s why I’m not Jesus”, and some one out there let out an “Amen!” which created some laughter because then the pastor stated, “You didn’t have to say it THAT loud”, lol. I mention this because I am hard on myself, and this was a wonderful reminder that yes, I am not God, I am not Jesus, I am NOT perfect. But being imperfect doesn’t mean you can’t at least try to be better.

I have prayed many-a-time to “not feel”. Yet after this weekend I wonder, why is feeling a flaw?! Most sermons consist of learning to forgive, and to love, and to not judge – because we, as humans, naturally do the opposite when we are hurt, embarrassed, or feel threatened. I realized, maybe I’m a better person than I think I am – I am loyal even to those who are not loyal to me, I make time when someone asks something of me, even if they have not given the same in return. And again, if you look deeper here, yes, this leads me to over-give myself without taking..

But c’mon let’s be real here – is the act of taking really something we see of value? That we are proud of? I would hope not, but I understand the concern of [my people] because there “should” be balance – but seriously, those who tell me I give too much.. each and every one of those people were not there for me at one time or another when I needed them. So what does that say about them? If I listened to the people I care about, I shouldn’t give to them either! Because even the closest, most chosen-family of [my people], are still not there for me when I need them sometimes. Because again, we are human, we are not perfect. And trust me, I still wish I didn’t care as much about anything than I do – but I’ll tell you right now, the people I make myself available for, or give to, feel better than when I’m not available, and I definitely feel good knowing I have helped in some way. So it’s a win-win. To always worry about oneself leads us into those moments where we have to look ourselves in the mirror again. Pain and bitterness, as crazy as it sounds, is easy. To be angry and bitter takes no effort – but to love.. if you’ve loved anything, or anyone, you know this is a daily choice – daily, constant, effort. And this is why people tell me I’m crazy to care because I do exert a lot of energy, never mind time to those I care most about.

In the end, moral of the story of the service this past weekend was making sure you are listening for the whispers of God (listen to what the Universe is telling you!) – this I have a hard time with. The pastor continued with, if you don’t listen to the whispers, God may have to sort-of slap you in the face with the message. Blessing in disguise, if you will (or karma, amiright?!) So this made me see myself, where I am, what I do, and if I was “comfortable”. If I was doing things out of comfort because I am in a stressful moment of my life. Was I reverting back to “old” ways? Was I doing things that weren’t really making me better, but just fulfilling an empty space for now? I stopped caring for a little bit, I did things, and planned things in my brain that brought me back to another time. A time of pain. I tried to expose this “better” side of me – which was a complete lie. But I did book an amazing trip out of it, lol (which now I question if it was the right choice?) This past weekend made me care again. Not gonna lie, I didn’t really like it, lol. But if it is my calling to care, then by all means, I will care. Maybe that’s my life’s tragedy: The girl who cared to much. What were those lyrics by The Band Perry?

“Here lies the girl whose only crutch,
Was loving one man just a little too much”

Now don’t be vain, this song isn’t about you.. Lol – but more so meaning there’s my crutch. I give, and I give. I love, and I love. I give to a lot of people who don’t give back. People I love, people I call family. People who think they give enough to me.. but they don’t. This will always be an imbalance in my life. And if I can accept that of others of whom I know are not perfect, then I truly hope if one of you are reading this, that you understand, I will keep caring, and I will keep giving. And I, too am not perfect. And maybe the rest of you readers are like – damn girl, get some new people in your life! Lol! Trust me, I thought that many times – and honestly, I have made some adjustments along the way.

But for those who may have thought that, if you look around you, none of your people are perfect too. But they are your people. For whatever reason they have stuck by your side through good, bad, ugly, and even nasty. And thats why, even if your circle is small, theres always one other person who picks up pieces when another person drops them. We have these people because there is not one person who can fill every crevice of your heart and life. We have friends, we have family, we have children, and parents.. and even pets. And I am blessed to be the pick-er-upper for my people.

Now, if I could just find the right path for my life, that would be awesome..

 

🙂

90% is still an A, amiright?!

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Gah! I have failed you all again 😦

But also again, it was for wonderful reasons.. I spent time with some of my favorite people, celebrated a birthday (and you know how much I love Birthdays!), and saw Beauty and The Beast with my most favorite people in the whole world. Well, maybe I bribed him, lol – because I paid, knowing I would love the movie more than him. But c’mon, I also chose Batman Lego Movie, and that movie was bomb!

Anyway, I don’t have much insight or news, rather, just sharing that it was definitely a weekend of getting my life back together. I cleaned, did laundry (with still two more loads to go! 😦 ) went grocery shopping, ran some errands.. You know, all the simple things that trick your brain into thinking you have your life in order..! Lol

Stress is still keeping off the track with my heart-break-dancing, but I do have an appointment in a week to get that baby checked. All the small, wonderful moments of the weekend helped ease some thumping though 🙂 I haven’t been this happily tired in a long time 🙂

I hope everyone out there had at least a good moment this weekend, and more so, I hope Monday didn’t take away the goodness ❤

 

🙂

 

to forgive, or not to forgive {edited draft}

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

The idea of forgiveness I’m not against, but I absolutely can’t stand how people make excuses for it. Here’s the basic definition of Forgive via a dictionary:

forgive: verb | for • give |

: to stop feeling anger toward : to stop blaming

: to stop feeling anger about

I’ve talked before (not sure if I did on this blog) that “Life is simple, it’s the people that make it complicated.” Because, talk to anyone about forgiveness and you’ll get everything from the basic answer above to several misconstrued answers that have nothing to do with forgiving at all, but instead are excuses or explanations based on a current situation.

This perception thing really hurts my soul too.. because in life, I understand that we all see things differently but,  2 + 2 will always equal 4. There are many constants in this life are are just plain fact, but with the evolution of the human mind, we use that to convolute our ideas as to why we do the things we do vs just owning the fact that we are making excuses – for whatever reason. “Because I love them”, Because it’s my child”, “Because its my Mother” , “Because.. work”. Whatever the reason, its still an excuse vs facing reality. But that’s a whole other blog post..

I digress..

Anyway, life IS simple, so is forgiveness. To forgive is simply to stop blaming and feeling angry about something. Forgiveness isn’t allowing that person or event back in your life. Forgiveness isn’t second chances. Forgiveness isn’t a blank slate. Forgiveness itself is an act, a verb – a doing of something. Therefore second chances, or allowing someone to continue to take from you in a negative way, have nothing to do with the act of forgiveness. Those actions are separate in themselves. For example, you can’t run and skate at the same time, those are two actions that are separate from each other. Most actions are this way.. Even eating and drinking.. you can argue – you take a sip of a beverage while chewing – but if you notice, you can’t chew and swallow at the same time. Again.. two separate actions.

Whether it’s me being a Christian, or just being a good person, I believe wholeheartedly in forgiveness and to forgive often.. but I don’t go inviting negativity back into my life. In being a good person, you love thy neighbor, and be kind to one another – but nowhere in those teachings does it ever say go bring back negative parts of that into your life. So when I hear, “I forgave them, thats why we got back together” or “I forgave them, that’s why I’m trusting them with my car again.” Do as you please, but if that situation was not positive in the first place, forgiveness will not make it better. Because again, forgiveness does not change anything in itself. That is a separate action and on top of that, effort, in order for something to change.

This is partially why so many expectations become disappointments. People think to forgive means it’s all better, like it never happened. It did happen, and there are still feelings involved even if anger isn’t one of them. Forgiveness opens yourself to happiness and hope, it allows you to find peace.. Not empty more space for the negative.

So go on forgive, but don’t forget. In all, forgiveness is an action for yourself, to let something go, but the reality of it all is that it is still there – it’s just that anger is no longer associated with it. Allow forgiveness to do what its meant, remove blame and anger – which in turn should move you into happiness and letting go.

 

 

don’t marry me {draft}

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

i don’t ever want someone to ask me to marry them.

i want someone to ask me to love them for longer than eternity.

i want someone to ask me to stand by them until we both can no longer stand.

i want someone to ask me to be a part of their soul for a thousand forevers.

i want someone to ask me to give of myself to them until it is no longer humanly possible.

i want someone to ask me to take adventures with them for as long as memories will last.

 

I don’t ever want someone to ask me to marry them.

I don’t want until death do us part.

I want more than “marriage”.

I want only death to part us, but for forever to hold us.