Tag: health

the most wonderful time of the year

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

It’s Birthdayyy Seasonnn! 🙂

I’m sure you newbies are wondering why the heck I enjoy ticking off another year of life off the tick-sheet, like it’s some kind of CELEBRATION?! Lmaooo well, another year, another New Beginning.

Birthday Season to me, as I know it is for others, is a time of reflection. Where were you this time last year? Where are you now? And not for anything, it doesn’t matter what happened or what you did. And this sounds cray coming from someone whose sole purpose in life is to travel and experience ALL THE THINGS. And I am so pumped of all the traveling and experiences I did/had the past year.

But what it really comes down to is.. Did you learn anything? About yourself, about others, about life? Anything? Did you at least learn what a good cup of coffee tastes like? Point is, I had a year of ups and downs almost as perfect as the dictionary can describe either action.

I started the first part of the year traveling, experiencing, feeling so free and determined, found passions in things, motivated to find a career with purpose. I struggled with a hint of heartache around May.. Then June happened.

Another loss in the family in the past 16mo. I didn’t talk about it much to you “outsiders” lol, but if you know anything about my family dynamic you understand. Losing my Nana last year was harder than ever expected, and this year was difficult in a different way. After having to be emotionally strong for others, I was off again traveling and experiencing things with no time to absorb the internal stress that was created. I know, white people problems, #sorrynotsorry.

Then mid-July came. I had already been struggling since June and been in therapy more than ever. That trip back “home” in June really took me to a place internally I never thought I’d have to deal with again. The resentment, anger, pain, other words that can’t nearly explain the emotional vomit that came flooding my insides. Through all this, I was still breaking my own heart thinking I could love someone enough to have them love me back (I know this is unrealistic and pathetic, stop judging). I shut my phone off for 2 weeks because the anxiety of seeing other people’s lives was actually painful.

Oh and the drinking – hahahaha I promise I don’t love drinking as much as I actually consumed during the summer months.

Depression set in. I barely got out of bed, except to drink, and work. Y’all are lucky if I showered. I was a complete and utter mess. Now mind you, I still trudged through life with a smile on my face, and did the only thing I know to do that makes me feel good. Give to others. Pep-talk? I’m there! Ride to the airport #obvi (I mean, I LOVE doing this anyway lol, lets be honest) Concert tickets? LETS DOOO THISSSS. Plane tickets?! I’ve given awayyyyy worseee.

And then fall and winter happened, and here we are! Lol, I know thats a huge zip through, but these past couple months started bringing the year into perspective.

I LEARNED:

1) It’s ok to not have a “good year” even though you still had MANY good things happen.

2) That although losses are difficult, whether in life, friendships, or relationships, those people and moments brought you here, and gave you understanding of something new.

3) People really do come and go as you need them. This pains my heart because I wish I could keep you all! But holding on too tight to anything: ropes, steering wheels, dog leashes, emotions.. lol, starts hurting more than letting go.

This is why I love Birthday Season, and join it with why I live by quotes – Someone, somewhere, has a way to put your emotions to words when you can’t.

They say (whoever they are) that “birthdays are good for your health.. people with more of them live longer.”

Sorry, lame joke, but for reals. This is why every year, every day, every moment, matters. We don’t know when our last day will be. All we know is now. So if you get another Birthday, CELEBRATE dammit! Hehehe

Reflect, learn, and be better. Not sure if you know this, but life isn’t a competition. What only matters is where each of us are going, and where our own paths lead us. Maybe thats why I love running, the only time to beat is what I ran last time. Me, my time.

Me, my life. You, your life.

Thankfully though, some of us will help and motivate each other through the next year. I love cheering at races and finish lines! I cry all sorts of happy tears, lol.

Be kind, celebrate yourselves, be present, and if you can, love, xoxo.

Cheers!

another anxiety post (unedited)

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I have such a hard time with people who don’t have the capacity to empathize with others, in this particular instance, I’m talking about mental illness. I don’t expect anyone to completely understand how this feels (unless they go through it themselves, of course, but even then, how it happens is different to everyone, and the outcomes are also different) but I always hope that the people around me are conscious enough to stay away from the obligatory: “But today is good right?” “Have you tried..” And the worse of them all, “It’s gonna be ok.”

4633179_4

Not that people in my situation don’t know that things will eventually be ok, but that does not help the situation if someone is currently in a struggle. You have no idea how much I appreciate people who don’t try and give me advice, or try and  “fix” my issues. Because no one can fix them, it’s a mental thing! I am the holder of my thoughts, and it is I, who is the one who can “fix” anything, if there is anything that needs fixing, that is. But to those who listen, and talk through things, and share experiences themselves, no matter how relatable or not.. THOSE are my people. In life, we will never be able to save everyone, I learned that the hard way. But we can support, and accept, and LISTEN.

It took me a long time to realize that no one could “help” me. I kept thinking a boyfriend, or my friends, my Dr’s, my Therapist, were there to make this better and “fix” it. It was, not scary per say, but maybe.. no, it was a little scary, lol, but also enlightening to know I was the holder of my emotions, and that no one but myself can make me “better”. Not that others can’t help in other ways, but to assume an outside being was going to “save” me, that’s just pure cray, cray.

A wonderful person in my life talked me through and reminded me of all the good that happened this year because I was focusing so much on the downside, as this was a very difficult year emotionally. Lots of therapy, lots of anxiety, lots of depression, lots of loneliness. I did appreciate the talk, but also didn’t know how to vocalize that I know I am overly blessed. I know all the good, all the travel and amazing trips I went on this year, all the moments with my babies and watching them grow. Trust me, I know. I experienced them, I was there, lol. But thats the thing with mental illness, it pokes at the positives. I literally feel like I have a devil and an angel on my shoulders. There are days I have literally yelled (in my brain and even vocally) NOT TODAY SATAN!!

Over the weekend, I had another, lets call it.. episode. Doing something completely normal no less, and what I would consider an ideal situation. I was doing laundry on Saturday, and was pumped to find the laundromat empty with only about 3 people doing laundry. YES! Two of them were finishing up, and I had the place just about to myself.

When I started finishing up, the last person there had gone off, and it was wonderful and quiet, I live for these laundry days! UNTIL, out of nowhere, I became panicked. Any other day this moment was a moment of celebration, so I was yelling at my brain like, “The fuck bruh, why you stressin?!” And in the moments following, I had the biggest bout of anxiety with a fear that someone was going to come and try and steal me (for those who know anything about me, this is a normal, yet strange, fear of mine, lol – but it has never really created panic, its just been a thing I know about myself).

Anyway, I started rushing, kept breathing, focusing on my breath, I could feel my heart beating, I kept telling myself I’m fine.. and then RAN OUT OF THERE.

This, people, this is a snippet of what anxiety is all about. It is unexplainable to the masses, and many people think you’re cray. Like how do you explain this completely irrational moment to someone without feeling like an idiot?! Because I know the emotion is ridiculous, but I can’t always control it. And when things like this happen, I feel bad for myself, and sometimes end up in depression. I could barely get out of bed the next 38hrs. I do try and force myself out, to do an errand or two, but always end up home, and feeling trapped.

The night of this incident, I unexpectedly caught up with an old friend from college, and he said to me: “Wow, I never thought you had issues or anxiety over anything, you’re always so positive.” I laughed and said, “Yah, I’m that PSA where they say it’s “always the happy one, the funny one, the positive one.” But he actually had a hard time grasping that I, the positive one could feel and understand his issues so well. I never said this, but wanted to say, “Well, THAT’S HOW I understand so much!”

every-moment-is-a-new-beginning-quote-1

This blog has turned from emotional venting, to relationship venting, (those posts always make me smile, lol) to dealing with anxiety. I guess it makes a little sense because life evolves, and just as this blog was intended, every moment of our lives is a new beginning, so it only makes sense that content also evolves.

But one thing will never change: Every moment literally is a New Beginning. And just like every moment of crippling anxiety, I have to remind myself, tomorrow can be, and will be different. This is why New Years is just a reason to party for me. So many times in life has a New Beginning not come on January 1st. Moving to SoCal is one of those moments, getting a new job is another. We don’t wait around and start our lives in January, so why the build up?

Anyway, I digress.. point of today was to share a story, to help maybe provide some more insight in the world of what people like me go through. Maybe this helps someone who thinks they are equally cray, I gotchu.

In a world trying to grow a culture of acceptance, remember those who do not show their illnesses, those who are embarrassed of their “problems”, those who don’t know how to explain what is going on. Be kind, be supportive, and sometimes, just be there.

Stay kind my friends, xoxo

❤

Untitled 2

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I felt compelled to write tonight.

Maybe because it’s been a while? Also maybe because ideas and emotions always flow through my brain when I’m depressed or anxious because that’s what causes the issue in the first place, amiright?! Just casually sitting here, creating unrealistic life scenarios all day and thinking the world is out to get me. #nobigs

Therapy has been tough recently. Not “tough” as in difficult per say, but tough emotionally. Don’t get me wrong, I know that’s the point. To shake up unresolved emotions and get them out. It’s a process, a daily challenge. And like 80% of this worlds population, I have issues.

  1. Control issues (where this comes from is a novel, so let’s not go there today)
  2. When I begin to “feel” not in control of life, I panic and ultimately become a very difficult person. I snap, I’m rude, I’m a super bitch, and then I ignore the world for a minute to “make a point” (<< seriously I’m a crazy person) and then when my point isn’t understood I get angry again and sort of create situations of self-sabotage in order to try and “control” something or someone.. see #1

One thing I do rather well is fight with people in order to inflict emotion. I tell myself I’m just challenging their thought process, but no, I know I’m just fighting. Because for some ungodly reason, fighting still equates emotion for me. I lived many a life where fighting = caring. Now, I KNOW this is not true. Fighting does not equal caring. But it’s still in there somewhere, and needs to release. I actually didn’t realize how bad this was until recently.

Because I realized.. the person I keep “trying” (I’m not quite succeeding more than just making myself mad and becoming disappointed in myself) to fight with, isn’t “fighting” back. And when the words (verbatim btw): “I’m just waiting for you to tell me to shut the fuck up!” came out of my mouth, it hit me, very, very, very.. VERY hard.

Why. Why must someone need to fight back? Why am I even doing this? Why do I think this will change anything? I mean, through all my therapy and self-realization I do know the answers here.. but I think my “why” is more like.. Why is that emotion still inside me?

I thought I got rid of it. I thought I had come to a point of clarity, using a LOT of practice I might add, in letting things go. Letting the hurt and painful emotions go. I keep ignoring those calls from the past.. why do they keep calling?!

The worst is that I am hardest on myself. Because just as I talked about this yesterday with a wonderful person.. the only thing I can control is myself.. what I do, and more specifically what I put or don’t put in my body. So let’s play What Year is it?! And let’s go back to 1999 and stop eating! Because I can control that. Now I understand I need to consume nutrients in order to function, so I do take care of that in a sense, so I don’t pass out. And please no one yell at me, because I also KNOW this is not healthy by any means, and I will eventually find myself in trouble. If you come at me trying to feed me, I’ll punch you in the throat. (Do we need to revisit my “fighting” issues? lol) I am just sharing a story that I’m sure many can relate to in some form or fashion. And really for me, and again, I KNOW this isn’t a great remedy, but if I “punish” myself, I can hurt no one else.

For those who know me, know I am a kind, giving, loving, positive even! person by nature. So many people are shocked when they find out I go to therapy because they have no clue the trauma I had to deal with to just get to this point.

So anyway, to not spiral too deep, I will say this: Thank you to those who are patient with me. Thank you to those who understand (or at least try to) my pain and can help talk me through things. Thank you to those for just reading this and seeing me as a person who is just trying to live their best life and not just post all that is wonderful. Although, I could totally post about Kate & Pete foreverrrrrr ❤ lol

the-people-who-are-meant-to-be-in-your-life-31911749

Thank you, and thank you to those who are going through this too because you are not alone, you are strong, and you help me too when I read your stories..

 

Everyday is a new day.

Cheers, xoxo

 

 

 

it’s not me.. it’s you.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Here’s a little story that I dedicate to all the “Debbie Downers” out there.

Those who know even a little bit about me, know that I can be a hardcore, CAPITAL – B, bold, italic, underlined, BITCH. I cut people out of my life, I fight for what I believe is to be true << true is the key word here. But sometimes I just like to fight. I’ve made terrible decisions in my day, and have paid my dues many times over thanks to Karma. As people, we are not perfect. I have learned to accept this in others, yet it still baffles me why the majority are still hung up on this thing called perfection. You know “perfection” is a relative term right?

Anywhoo other things that people know about me is that I have anxiety and depression. It hinders many a day, and from April thru June, there were days I never even left my bed, aside from the one forceful pull out to get food because I didn’t really feel like causing my own sad death. One.meal.a.day, people.

One last fun thing to mention is that even if you’ve just had one awkward conversation with me, you’ll also know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am loyal to a fault. And the best thing I do, is that I provide too much information too soon. I have factual evidence regarding this dating back to, at least, 2000/2001, lol. (one day I’ll write a story about that Filene’s break room conversation, thank you always, Patrick 😉 ) I just love learning about people and showing that I care. I love creating deep conversations, for the sake of learning, and to understand people better. More than anything, I never want others to feel that I am not being truthful so I try and give of myself as best I can.

Point is – with my good, there is my bad – or maybe it can be seen as, with my bad, there is my good. The funny thing about these “faults” of mine is that even through my darkest of days, my bitchiest of attitudes, I somehow have a feeling of realistic positivity. Some might say it’s a choice, I choose realistic positivity. So here’s the hilarious thing – more people can’t stand me when I’m positive (especially during “imperfect” times) vs when I’m negative. Misery really does love company. More so, I then get these people who think I have this perfect little life, see this post. Even more hilarious is when I do post some darker things, like anxiety, depression, emotional distress, and coping with loss, people then think I’m just looking for attention. I can’t win. Hence, it’s not Me, it’s YOU.

I almost always have a sense of realistic-positivity (almost, because again, I’m not perfect). But because I’m not an idiot, or I’d like to think I’m not at least, lol, I get that all positivity can’t come to fruition (realism 🙂 ), however, you can always choose to focus on the pieces that can.

Example: I am sick – I have been sick 3 times this year, and this recent one is going on about 6 weeks. I get sick because I have high stress. My stress turns into anxiety, and sometimes if I fall, it then becomes depression. I am on a bunch of meds at the moment, including an inhaler to try and get me better this time around. I was pretty down on myself Friday, and felt it even more yesterday. All I wanted to do was go to the beach and stare at the ocean before the world woke up. Little did I remember, there was a 10k race happening, roads were closed and parking was all taken. This made me even more sad. It wasn’t even 8am. 😦 I decided to just go to breakfast since I was out, that way I could also take my 7, yes SEVEN pills that I needed to take that morning.

I got home by about 9:30am. Honestly, I was frustrated. On a “bad day” I literally would have just gone back to bed and pout. But I told myself, “I can go tomorrow, I’ll get up even earlier and beat them all to the sand” (realistic-positivity). Since I was home, I decided to read a Class Action Settlement letter that I got in the mail while I was away on vacation. It was for a faulty part on my car and I realized I am part of it, and can submit a claim. I pull out all my invoices and realize that my shop did the SAME.EXACT.SERVICE in February AND recently in July. I was like: wha? I paid an extra 1k on this?! Was there a problem with the first one!? This made me upset – the day was already sad, was it getting worse? I called my shop half angry, yet half patient, to see what they would say. I was finally connected to one of the guys who I always deal with, and he found my two invoices. He apologized profusely and is refunding me the double charge. Because either way, if there was an issue, they never should have charged me twice. And I am still eligible for this claim, so in the end, I could get all my thousands back for the original replacement!

Kid you not, I hung up the phone, and started to laugh. I looked up at the cosmos and literally almost started to cry. My exact words to my sister-in-law were: “Seriously, this is such a weird emotional moment of depression and hope lol.”

But also seriously – This is what gratefulness and a little bit of positivity can get you. With every bad, dark day, we have a good day. With every terrible experience, we have an amazing one. It’s life’s balance. Because again, none of us are perfect. We make mistakes, we are mean sometimes, but we can also choose to be kind. We can choose to love, and we can choose to keep the light inside us through all our storms. Our imperfect moments may come around, but our “perfect” moments are close behind. I truly believe my small bout of hope and positivity helped with this karmic circle.

So call me crazy, call me obnoxious, call me whatever you please, but I would rather believe there is something better, a new beginning, if you will 😉 to look forward to – than to accept pain and suffering, or something as simple as assuming a whole day is ruined. All negativity does is keep us from enjoying fully the best moments we encounter because we are always waiting for the backhand.

But all you have to do is turn your head forward, and you’ll miss getting slapped. 😉

roses

Stay positive, my friends. It’s not easy, I understand, but it has a WAY better outcome than negativity. I have seen with my own eyes that what you give will always be what you receive. And with all the crap Iv’e dealt with the past few months, I’m just happy that my good energies seem to be making their way back to me.

 

❤

it’s MY anniversaryyy – as sang by Tony Toni Tone.. hehe

~ NewBeginnings ~ 1 Comment

Anniversary of my awesome birth, that is! 🙂

I have been sad because I have not had much “time” to blog as I would like. Work has been insane and I’m trying my darnedest to focus on a 10k I’m running in May. But I can never go a year without expressing my love, gratitude and some terrible opinions when my Birthday rolls around! Lol

Topic for this years Birthday post is: “Nevertheless, She Persisted” which I’m borrowing from the theme of the 10k I’m running! (It’s a womens run)

I have been overly grateful lately, due to many events that have happened which force me to realize where I have been and where I am now. Iv’e had many a person make statements relating to how they view my life:

I’m spoiled.

All I do is brunch and drink

I’m a snob because I live walking distance to a beautiful ocean

I have a perfect life

Ok, let me explain, I am spoiled. Lol – not out of chance, however, which I feel people forget.. But I spoil MYSELF from working my ass off on a weekly basis, into the evening even – just to have the things I have. I have debt people, and I still have bills to pay. It’s called budgeting.

I only brunch on the weekends, relax. 😉 And red wine is good for – life. Anyway – who the eff cares?! You wanna brunch?! Go effing brunch! I don’t quite understand how/why brunching and wine drinking are effecting the masses not actively involved in my life. And yes, I’m a relative food snob. I have learned what good food tastes like, and how it effects mood and your body as a whole. So yes, I prefer to eat, drink, and enjoy as best as I can afford.

Call me a snob all you want, but It’s not like I was just granted this life, like *poof!* here ya go Kara! ALL YOURS! Love, God. Nope, doesn’t work like that. As many know, I moved to SoCal with 3k, no job, no home, blah, blah, nothing. So to all of a sudden be a snob because I got a job that allows me to rent a studio – yes, I live in a studio by the water – means nothing. I know how to do math, and I wanted to live by the water.. so I get a studio, do laundry at a laundromat, and live the best bad-ass life with what I have. Did the universe or the Lord have something to do with my blessings? Maybe, but there is nothing in this world that is ever handed to us without effort.

And no. There is no perfect life.. we all know this. So why would you say this to anyone!? There are millions of things we don’t know about anyone’s life. Mine in particular, from abuse (in multiple forms), to anxiety, eating disorders, and depression. I was a broken and desperate person until I was about 26. I was lucky to have enough hope and love in myself to not turn into a drug-addicted stripper in Vegas.. Because that thought did cross my mind at one point.

So going into this new year.. at my very young age.. LOL, I am proud to look back and see that I never once allowed myself to be called a “victim” of anything. Whether it be my abuse, or of circumstance. I have never believed in “blaming” life on anything, or anyone. Or making excuses for who I am. I’ve made mistakes, more than I would like to admit, but every day is a New Beginning. The only person to be better than is yourself. Many people hate when I say that.. mainly because excuses and blame are an easy fix. “I have anxiety”, “I was abused”, “I have issues”. I know many wonderful people who have issues (lol, I mean who doesn’t!?) – who have anxiety, depression.. and they still wake up every morning with a mission to create – whether it be art, music, or their life ❤

This life is our choice. We choose our happiness, and if we are lucky enough for some great moments to fall in our laps, even better. But still.. if someone puts a cute puppy on your lap, it’s still a choice of whether you’re going to pet it or not. Hence, just like the outside assumptions of my life, nothing is just given. We still need to do something with what’s provided to us.

I-am-not-what-happened-to-me-I-am-what-I-choose-to-become.

So for my Birthday, I wish you all health, wealth, happiness, and more importantly, love. As much as I hate Valentine’s Day – I love LOVE! Because love in it’s pure form is a verb. An action word. You must love to be loved. And in my life, I kept choosing love. To love myself, to love my life. It was all I had sometimes to allow myself to wake up another day ❤

Cheers!

idk

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Interestingly enough I just read a couple posts about “wheels spinning” in your head and being overwhelmed with life. Being “busy” vs “productive”.

And here I am – studying away.. Just finished chapter 13, of a 14 chapter program. I have been floating along getting average, to above average exam scores.. but then chapters 12 and 13 come along.. my first “failures”. And what happens? I lose my shit – internally. I go from borderline-calm (lol am I ever really calm?) to increased heart-rate, sweaty palms, and my brain, as I like to say, explodes. I start getting nervous about everything. I keep staring at everyone, everything, everywhere. I catch myself.

I try and take deep breaths. I close my eyes. Relax Kara!

But that never works does it.

So I try and calmly decide to take a step back.. Where am I? I am a week ahead of the program. A week ahead people! This I should celebrate.. but it almost makes me more anxious. Did I study too fast? Is this why I’m starting to lose it in the final chapters?! Do I even remember chapter 1?!?!?! << I know, I know, those thoughts are “busy” not “productive”..

Gah!

What’s more crazy is I am doing my best trying to not get “mad” at myself for being anxious. Oxymoronic I know. Getting mad at yourself for getting anxious in the first place? Anxiety at its finest!

So here I am, I logged off. I fired up the iTunes. I started to read. Part of handling anxiety is slowing down right? Taking yourself out of what is creating it in the first place and listening to yourself. Sometimes you just have to stop. Stop everything and find a nothing-ness that almost feels comfortable.

Tomorrow I will finish this program then conquer those shit chapters. Tomorrow.

For now, I sit, with my lemon-ginger tea, music in my ears to drown my thoughts, and words on pages to drown the other thoughts. Lol.

 

❤

 

 

 

I’m mad at my horoscope..

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Lol who else loves a good ‘ol Horoscope?!

As much as they are “for entertainment only”, theres definitely some truth in the stars. People born at certain times of the year carry similar traits. My close circle of friends, for example, are pretty much born in Fall and Winter. Spring babies I’ve always had a harder time understanding, and Summer babies, (Leo’s in particular it seems) are always an extreme – as in extreme likeness, or extreme dislike – there never seems to be a balanced energy with summer babies.

Anyway, I believe in the stars because, well, God made them, so they have to mean something, amiright?! Just as weird things happen during a full moon, and seasons change, our universe is based on cycles of life.. the up, the down, the end, the beginning. This is why I enjoy horoscopes – they provide a dialogue, however true or untrue, that uses the universe’s energy to explain why we do things and what we could possibly do. Because another truth is certain: we all have feelings, and we all create an energy, and this energy affects our surroundings.

So in one of my recent horoscopes, I think was for last week? Or the week before.. It talked about how I need to get myself out there, hang out with different people, and be social, “It’s your time to shine Aquarius!” And as I found myself immersed in plans, weekend after weekend all through June.. I realized something: As much as being social is an act of togetherness, and putting oneself out there, the people you surround yourself with really make a difference. Just because you are surrounded or engaged with the people around you, doesn’t mean they are good for you. And I think that’s the part I’m having trouble with. I don’t like to say people are “bad” necessarily, but not all people are good for YOU. As people, we are different for a reason, we can’t all be doctors or there would be no lawyers, firemen, teachers, etc.. you get my point. When it comes to the people in your life, Robin Williams said it best:

9628-Robin-Williams-Quote-I-used-to-think-the-worst-thing-in-life-is-to

So knowing the people who provide support, encouragement, and positive energy that compliments your own is important. And I’m not talking specifically about “your people” or your “inner-circle” necessarily. In general, we meet people all the time, and finding out or feeling that some people just aren’t what you need is ok. To consciously continue to surround yourself with the people “who make you feel all alone” is something to be mindful of. Keep in mind, just because these people aren’t good for you, doesn’t mean they aren’t perfect for someone else. That’s how the universe finds balance. One man’s trash is another man’s treasure, amiright?

And this is why I am mad at my horoscope. Lol! Lately, I have been hanging out with so many different people, groups, and parties of my life, and I am now seeing that some people who I thought were “good” for me, actually aren’t. A few that I thought were a support system, actually mock me from behind. And it’s better to know these things of course, but damn that horoscope, if I just kept to myself and my 3 people I like, lol, I would still be living, (sort of a lie I guess) believing everyone is still amazing! And it’s not so much as we all can’t get along, because we can.. It’s just sad to know that I now have to be careful with some people vs others. Because, I at least, still believe in being kind, but that doesn’t mean everyone else is kind.

So per usual, I hope when you read this, it’s a reminder of the good people in your life, and also a side note to try a leave the others alone. More importantly, take a moment and reflect – just as some people are not good for you, you are also not good for some people. Accept that, and understand it’s better to focus on those who don’t feel alone with you ❤

 

 

 

 

 

take care of yourself

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

So I started back at yoga last week! How pumped is everyone about that!?

Lol 🙂 I was going to dive into a 30 day challenge.. and honestly, if I still hold onto that challenge, I’m doing better than when I actually (over)paid to do an actual challenge about 2 years ago. Last time I made it 12 days straight.. then took a day or 5 off.. and ended up only making it through 17 classes in total. So far with this personal challenge, I have gone to 5 classes in the last 7 days, not including today – although I will probably still end up taking 5 classes again this week. So if my math is good, I’m on schedule to make it to about 20 classes this 30 days vs the 17 I did last time. I call that progress!

More importantly, I’m listening to myself. I have a tiny smile in my heart because I am doing what is good for me, and my body. I am actually making time for myself. I actually made plans around my yoga schedule! I think my mindset adjusted a little because so far, in all my classes, (I tried hot-yin too!) all my instructors have ended the final savasana with saying: “Thank yourself for coming to yoga, for taking care of yourself.”

LOVE THAT! Because it’s so true in anything you do – especially physical. I know there are some people who enjoy working out, but let’s be real.. there are definitely some sucky workouts. Sometimes it’s just a bad day, you didn’t drink enough water, your muscles are more tight than usual and you don’t understand why, you are just tired. But any workout should be viewed as a success! Thank yourself for it! Because it’s so true when they say (whoever they are..) “No matter how slow you go, you are still lapping everybody on the couch.”

LOVE THAT too! The point is in those savasana words: Thank yourself.. for taking care of yourself.. I don’t know why it took those words for me to understand that workouts and exercise are more than just looking good – because I knew that already – I guess I just never believed it. Because this will be a slow process, but the way I feel after just one week so far, proves that the rest will come. Seeing changes is motivational, but feeling a change, creates longevity, consistency, and continued progress. Because when you feel good about something, you want to keep doing it, amiright!?

On top of feeling good, another thing the instructors say a lot is: “Listen to your body, not your mind.” Because your mind will sometimes tell you, you can’t, but your body can.. and more so, listening to your body will tell you how far you can actually go. For you mental people, another side of this is, sometimes your brain thinks you can but then you injure yourself or push too far. It’s a balance – your mind is logic, but your body will never lie to you. And so that is why I’m sitting in a cafe typing this afternoon/evening. My body didn’t feel that great today for some reason. Maybe it was the recent, drastic, change in the weather? I’ll be in bed early tonight for sure. But in taking care of myself tonight, here’s to feeling better tomorrow to tackle my Tuesday double! I take a 60min Bikram-inspired class (it only adjusts two postures, and removes a second set for the rest) and then 60min hot-yin! It’s a great Tuesday night combo, I feel so amazing after! Tired, but amazing 🙂 It’s like my push for the week, on a Tuesday no less, but then the rest of the week feels easy!

So here’s to listening to yourself and taking care of yourself. Health (and by Health I also include mental-health) is a constant struggle for most of the United States, and I truly hope those of you reading this has something, or finds something, that makes you feel good. Whether it’s yoga, running, volleyball, whatever, just take care of yourselves. Do something good for you, and your body. Find your balance. Our time here is short as it is, might as well try and add one more day to it. And more so, feel good about everyday and find more meaning.

#namaste

 

 

what’s meant to be will be? right?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

How do you ever know what you are supposed to do? Not necessarily the “meaning of life” per say, but just in general when you hit some sort of crossroads or obstacle in the road?

This past month, during all these challenges: Lent, Blogging, Kindness/Fitness – I have been putting myself back together so to speak, in that I finally began focusing on my health again. Stress really holds me down from a lot, and seriously takes a toll on my health in general. Stress takes a toll on everything in general! Whether it’s getting sick with a cold, heart palpitations, or eating issues, something holds me back from life.

The past two weeks in particular, I made a mental change to not allow myself to sink into anxiety, and try and get a workout in, even a small one. I was almost mad at the stress, I was done. I had enough! I wanted to be the happy person I am, and I wanted my pants to fit 😦

Today is one of my better feeling days, probably one of the best recently, and it made me wonder about what my next steps are. Do I ride through the storm of what I call work? See if there is light at the end of the tunnel? Work on a way to maybe stay with the company just doing something else? Do I even want to work at this company anymore? This industry? Have all these been additional signs to tell me something? Or are these just tests to prove stamina? Hindsight is 20/20 and I’m definitely not ahead enough to know yet.

How does one know? Or do we even know. Are there even “signs”? Is it just the courage to try something new? To just “feel” like it will all work out? I’m not getting any instinctual feelings lately, thats for sure. I can’t decide if it’s because I’m so overly stressed that I’m numb, or I just have no clue what to do right now. I also pray – I’m terrible at it though, I will admit. I just never know what to ask, and I never realize things until it’s too late. Or more than instinct, prayer, choice.. do I just allow God and/or the universe to guide me where I’m meant to be? And even so.. how do I know?! I just mentioned, I’m terrible looking for or deciphering signs! GAH!

Well, I do know one thing: I feel a change in the air. I am at a crossroads trying to decide which path is best for tomorrow. And whether the change is from me, God, or the universe, I guess we can only wait and see.

 

🙂

another challenge!?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I don’t remember if I had mentioned, but this last week of blogging (daily) I committed myself to a “Kindness Challenge” that one of my fitness friends is hosting. Ultimately the ‘kindness’ portion is more for yourself and treating yourself kindly – because let’s be real, I’m sure many of you reading this probably say awful things to yourself now and again.

But you can get extra points (into a raffle) if you post a random act of kindness to others. I enjoy pretty much all her challenges, but this one is just so fun! Because not only am I being held accountable for what I’m putting in my body, i.e. food and water, but also doing a workout, and keeping kindness on the forefront of your brain.

It’s just a nice little twist to the normal: drink your water, eat your veggies, and do some push-ups! Having an element of positivity keeps me involved, and created a personal motivation to not only being kind to others, but remembering to be kind to myself.

I think that’s where most people miss out. We are naturally inclined to help and be there, and take care of the one’s we love, yet when it comes to self – eh, I’ll just go binge-drink wine and eat mac-n-cheese all day. Not only that, it’s also personal testimony. Ever heard that saying:

brene_love

Or furthermore, “Would you say those things to your best friend? Daughter? Son?” Why don’t we say enough wonderful things to ourselves? We should love US. How is it we live where we give and love, and give and love, but yet we don’t give or love to the ones person who needs it in order to continue giving? Maybe that’s why relationships struggle, or we burn ourselves out. Because it’s one thing to receive from others, but in giving to yourself is a whole different feeling.

This little challenge was a wonderfully fun reminder of how important we are, and how important it is to be kind to ourselves, and take care of ourselves. I hope you all get to add a little kindness challenge to your lives as well ❤

 

🙂