Tag: friendships

Non-traditional

~ NewBeginnings ~ 1 Comment

I was chatting with a friend earlier today, about the new year, blah blah.. and à la Carrie Bradshaw – I couldn’t help but wonder – what is it with traditions?

So like, we know what a tradition is: n – a long-established custom or belief that has been passed on from one generation to another. Or, in laymen’s terms – something that we “always” do.

I think I mentioned this in my last post or maybe I was just talking about it to someone, but for as long as I have been in SoCal, not one NYE has been the same. Come to think about it, no Christmas either. The closest thing to holiday traditions would be Thanksgiving, I do visit my brother every year. And possibly my Birthday – the past couple years I spent it my local watering hole, but every year has been a little different, the people mostly.

I guess my point is, the conversation from this morning was geared more at NYE, and I was having a moment, bc one of those “on this day, 85 years ago..” posts popped up and it was a NYE in Boston and the photo was insinuating the consumption of the proper bubbly concoction of champagne and Chambord. I remember making this drink another NYE while here in SoCal.. and I said out loud this morning, “All I wanted was Champagne and Chambord, I drank those every New Years!” And hence.. this is where I feel “traditions” fall flat.

The thing with – Holiday – traditions specifically, is that they are realistically short-lived. Or maybe this is just in my experience. Because as all things in life, nothing is forever.. which means, even if life is the most wonderful, eventually we all will die.

Therefore, once that moment happens, say, a person who passes, the current form of tradition, in a sense, changes. I say this because, I was seeing a lot of “what happens when the glue that holds us together leaves (is gone, or passes away)?”, posts, on the socials this year. Many commented with: MAKE NEW GLUE (ok maybe some didn’t yell, exactly, but yelling in text has been a delight lately, so thats all me lol). I digress, point is, new glue = a change in tradition.

Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying “traditions” are silly or meaningless, bc I definitely loved when I was part of one, or carried one on. But I guess, especially after this past year.. we need to normalize change. And I know we have all heard: “The only constant in life is CHANGE,” however, do we actually KNOW that? And ACCEPT it?

This has always been the scariest and most exciting thing to me. Change. I love it because in the 8 years living in SoCal, I have made about 7 friend groups (I just counted lol) – and in those groups are further sub-groups. I think about this, bc that means on average, I make a new friend group a year. THINK ABOUT THAT. I just hear all the silly people in my ear: “How do you meet people WITHOUT dating apps/apps in general?! It’s SO HARD.” No, its called GO OUTSIDE. Go to your local watering hole, go take a yoga class, go for a run, read a book at a coffee shop, and idk, when I was back east, everyone married each other at work! So just go to work! LOL (heres lookin at you #eastcoastfidofam) Thats how I have met people and made connections, then met other people through those people, and it goes on. And mind you, if you know me at all, you know I despise people who bother me at bars, lol, and at the coffee shop, etc.. but there is always someone who meets my energy, and the vibe is good, and friendships, and other ‘ships are made.

Through these ‘ships, some have kept and stayed since day one, i.e. I moved here in October, I met one of my best friend in November (from a mutual friend, she was looking for a new roommate), I moved in, in December, and the rest is history. Now, the volleyball friend group I met the following May/June? Inseparable like the first year. Then off-and-on the following, I was maid-of-honor at one of their weddings, then shortly after.. SEE YA. Lol. I mean, it wasn’t due to poor intentions, but life happened. Aside from random social media check-ins, I only talk to one person from that group still. ONE. And it’s not even on a consistent basis, lol.

I can go on about all the groups, those loves lost, and friendships of auld lang syne, but my point is: I, we, all of us – meet new people every.single.day. Whether we want those people in our lives or not is another story, but the opportunity is there, and those people are part of our daily “change.”

Tying these ideas of tradition and change together, is why it is all so exciting and scary at the same time to me. Because we have the opportunity to meet and experience new people/things on the daily. Think about that on a people aspect for a sec, how amazing is that?! Constantly making an impact or adding wonderful people to your life. BUT on that same notion, WE HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO MEET AND EXPERIENCE NEW PEOPLE/THINGS ON THE DAILY.

Y’all see where I’m going here?! Which means.. the people and things you experience today.. may not be the same people/things you experience in a year, a month, a week even. And as I wander through therapy to heal and repair myself, I realized that

  1. this is why loyalty and the idea of tradition is so important to me (people leaving/moments never happening again)
  2. this is why commitment is hard for me to accept (people leaving/moments never happening again)

I’m sure many people have had the feeling of this yo-yo/parallel emotion of wanting things to stay the same, but still yearning for change. I mean, as far as people are concerned, it takes a lot for me to actually trust someone and consider them my people. But at the same time, I’m high-five-ing and hiking with all these fun new people! But this is also normal for most, I think. We have all these friends, but only like 5 core people or whatever.

Anyway, because the only constant is change, how are traditions even possible? I mean, for me, the definition isn’t exactly set in stone, bc in basic terms, it’s just a long-established custom or belief (passed down from generations) – so those customs can include anyone? Like imma just make people, say, go to Christmas Eve services with me bc thats what my family did? And what exactly happens once that tradition isn’t done? (bc I haven’t gone to Christmas Eve services in like 39574594 years) Does that mean the tradition dies? Or does it become more nostalgic.. like my Champagne and Chambord on NYE? OR are traditions personal/singular? Because what if my brother hated celebrating Christmas on Christmas Eve like our family has done every year (with or without us there, pretty much every year until this year). I would think that would mean it’s NOT a tradition for him, but it still is with the “family”?

Anywayyy, in all this gibberish, and for someone who focuses on the little things #details, I just find the “bigger picture” fascinating. With everyday being a literal new beginning it’s a wild flurry of excitement and fear of the new, and possible loss of whatever is not-new. And I guess, as a side note, as much as I truly believe that you can:

“Meet someone tomorrow who has better intentions for you than someone you have known forever. Time means nothing, character does.”

I do have so much respect, and admiration to those who have kept any tradition, or people in their lives for a long time. I think of one of my Aquarian Soul-Sisters, who I have been best friends with for omg.. FIFTEEN YEARS?! And although there was a small snippet of time where we were off running our lives, we have literally been soul- inseparable (we live on opposite coasts now 😦 ) But think about it – 15years. Thats a lot of time to meet a whole lot of people. I mean in just 8 years, I have 7 different friend groups! So that also makes me wonder, are things just meant to be? Or is it all a choice?

This is also why couples who have been together for 10, 20, 50 years (and are in HEALTHY relationships) are admirable. Again, that’s a lot of time to meet so many people. Some say, you must “choose” your partner every day. Like working out, it’s a choice #priorities. Is THAT all tradition is? A choice, a conscious decision, to do or keep things continuing?

Anywayyy, I’m just going down a rabbit hole now. So if you made it this far, embrace the change. Accept traditions that may have been “lost”. Let yourself be sad if you lose a friend or lose touch with a colleague. Constantly remind yourself (or at least TRY to) that the chances of all the same.exact.people being there, in a few weeks time even, is not a sure bet. That being said, cherish every moment. Enjoy the time you have with others, and also in the activities you are involved in; and of course, take care of the ones who never seem to leave (that are HEALTHY relationships), and continue any “tradition” you’re still able to. Because as great as new opportunities are, new people, new traditions.. what is new may also be a replacement, and sometimes not for the better. And then you find yourself on January 1st, some random year, wondering where your Champagne and Chambord was on NYE.

Cheers!

p.s. are you now in a tug-o-war with excitement and fear for tomorrow!? eek! I half apologize if that is now happening, but it is also one of the BEST feelings in the world. #itscalledbeinggrateful

i love elephants, and theres one in the room

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Its name is 2020. Need I say more?

Well, I’m gonna! Lol

I was thinking this morning and chatting with my roommate about the past year, and we discussed not only how crazy this year has been.. But more so, how much can change, in so “little” time. By little, I mean anything from 1 month, to an entire year. And yes, a year is a small amount of time in the big picture of life. As I approach 30-10 (yes I will use this for as long as I can, and be annoying about it and I don’t care, bc I am not part of those people above 39) One year seems so small now – I’ve started looking at life in, like, 5 year increments. Point is, we talked about last year – and the beginning of this year (before pandemic lockdowns) and we reminisced about when I moved in, in April. Literally within a month, I searched for a new home, got denied for my current place because someone was already getting background checked, then getting a call that it fell through, and the place is mine after all!

Fast forward and here we are, 7 months later, and I can’t believe it’s almost been a year. On top of life events, we also talked about relationships.. And as we approach another new year, I realized I have not done the same thing, or spent time with the same people 2 years in a row for New Years. I literally looked back at my socials and checked every New Years I celebrated since moving to SoCal, and the closest I got to spending time, or celebrating with the same people would be 2014 and 2016 (I think? I cant remember anymore, all I remember was there was a year gap in between) I spent New Years with one of my cousins and that group of friends. Then again 2018 and 2020, I celebrated with friends and one friend in particular was there both years. But even then, both events were very different and the people involved were even more different, aside from the one familiar face.

I don’t know if this is the same for all you reading, but my life in particular, clearly revolves around meeting new people all the time, creating new connections, friendships, and sadly weaning out those who no longer keep my soul on fire.

I even think back to a particular Birthday of a wonderful person, who I no longer really connect with anymore.. but I spent about $200 if I remember correctly, on this person for her Birthday. She never had a Spa/Massage experience, and I wanted to give that gift of experience for her. Some people thought I was a little crazy as I had only known this person maybe a year at this point, but we had gown closer the past couple months – and I distinctly remember saying something along the lines of: You never know what is going to happen tomorrow, I may never celebrate another Birthday with her again, so I’m taking advantage of time now, and just the mere fact that I can afford such gift, because THAT could be the change in coming years as well.

I also remember the faces of the people I said this to. I wish we could be constantly reminded of that idea, because literally within 3 months of that Birthday, I broke up with a mutual friend I was dating, tension arose, and then a separate issue of mis-communication happened.. and here we are no longer close, lol.

As I was thinking about these events this morning within my roommate chat, I somehow got so excited for tomorrow, I actually started to tear up. Because as much as the unknown scares me.. i.e. this is why I’m still single, (bc the thought of losing someone in a blink of an eye is scarier than knowing it could be forever) I ABSOLUTELY LOVE the idea and fact that anything is possible tomorrow.

And I know I have blogged about this in the past – but I think with all that has happened this year.. the excitement, and hope, and faith in the future is just emotional for me right now. Maybe because I just want to manifest so much for myself and those I love. Maybe because I’ve felt lonely for the first time, in a LONG time, and knowing the possibilities are endless in meeting new people or even reuniting with people from days before. And not that I’m saying going back to exes is ever a good idea, but truth be told, I have a handful of “loves lost” that are very good friends, and it’s wild to think back to the person I was then vs the person I am today.

That’s the thing with connections.. they are just THERE. You can’t quite explain it, the same way as when there ISN’T a connection. And sometimes, as we have read in all the clichéd quotes, sometimes, you meet people for a reason, a season, and whatever else comes next.. but you get my point.

As I start to think about how to close out this random-ass post, that I just decided to do because: 1) its literally been almost a year since my last post, and 2) we are headed into the season of giving and gratefulness – I guess I want to make sure ya’ll get something out of this.

So long story, a little longer – as I was looking at the past year, it was also a bit upsetting. This time last year, I was invited to go to Bali. This time last year I was booking hotel and airfare to Boston for one of my most favorite peoples wedding. 90% of 2019 was an adventure and I finally felt like I was learning who I was. I had posts going into December, then January (Birthday Season!), about how busy 2020 was already turning out to be. I planned a small Birthday outing because Europe 2020 was supposed to be the plan for the 30-10 celebration. Everything was cancelling from that point on.

But on a recent zoom meeting at work, first question was: how are you feeling? One of the next questions was about how to improve culture, and one of my favorite people made me rethink the year. She said (and I paraphrase here): Although its been a tough year, there was still SO MUCH good. We had people making babies, having babies, getting married, buying homes, getting engaged – and that was just people from work!

I thought about this personally, I ALSO had friends having babies, buying land and building homes, and making huge moves like I did at 31 to another state to see what else is out there in the world. There was good, lots of it. It was just hidden by the loud screams of society. And by screams, I mean the non-factual, negative, shouting from many different sides on many different issues. When it comes to important issues, its one thing to debate, argue even.. FACTS – but its another to just yell opinions with no basis of truth. If you know anything about me – I love facts! I love truth. Because whether we like it or not, facts and truths allow people to make decisions. And its nothing we can challenge. This is also why I love emotions – dem betches don’t lie.

Moving on, point of that last story share, is that all these small details, I assume are the reason for this newfound hope and optimism. Because there is still good no matter how bad anything seems. And to bridge all these points, its the people that help bring us there.

Look at who is around you, what’s that saying? You are who your closest 5 friends are.. (or whatever) Who are those people!? Are they good support systems? Do they challenge you? Is there anyone you have learned from? Should you reach out to them again if they fell of your life wagon? Is there someone you need to push OFF the wagon?! Are there people fueling your fire? Or are they stealing your heat to improve their own flame and leave you cold?

As we close out one of the most turbulent years most of us have ever experienced, remember its been proven that people and community are what keeps people happy and provide longevity. This is a great time, if you don’t already, to revisit wants and needs – and the people behind them. Because again, the only constant in life is change. And as scary as that is for me – mainly my fear of losing people – I do truly feel so good about what’s to come because life can change in a millisecond. I am choosing to view that as a positive, and I hope y’all absorb that energy in whatever aspect of your life needs it.

I will now leave you with my screenshot below where my message transcends people and describes all aspects of life, work, hobbies, etc.. ❤ Can’t wait for more of those conversations.

Cheers!

the most wonderful time of the year

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

It’s Birthdayyy Seasonnn! 🙂

I’m sure you newbies are wondering why the heck I enjoy ticking off another year of life off the tick-sheet, like it’s some kind of CELEBRATION?! Lmaooo well, another year, another New Beginning.

Birthday Season to me, as I know it is for others, is a time of reflection. Where were you this time last year? Where are you now? And not for anything, it doesn’t matter what happened or what you did. And this sounds cray coming from someone whose sole purpose in life is to travel and experience ALL THE THINGS. And I am so pumped of all the traveling and experiences I did/had the past year.

But what it really comes down to is.. Did you learn anything? About yourself, about others, about life? Anything? Did you at least learn what a good cup of coffee tastes like? Point is, I had a year of ups and downs almost as perfect as the dictionary can describe either action.

I started the first part of the year traveling, experiencing, feeling so free and determined, found passions in things, motivated to find a career with purpose. I struggled with a hint of heartache around May.. Then June happened.

Another loss in the family in the past 16mo. I didn’t talk about it much to you “outsiders” lol, but if you know anything about my family dynamic you understand. Losing my Nana last year was harder than ever expected, and this year was difficult in a different way. After having to be emotionally strong for others, I was off again traveling and experiencing things with no time to absorb the internal stress that was created. I know, white people problems, #sorrynotsorry.

Then mid-July came. I had already been struggling since June and been in therapy more than ever. That trip back “home” in June really took me to a place internally I never thought I’d have to deal with again. The resentment, anger, pain, other words that can’t nearly explain the emotional vomit that came flooding my insides. Through all this, I was still breaking my own heart thinking I could love someone enough to have them love me back (I know this is unrealistic and pathetic, stop judging). I shut my phone off for 2 weeks because the anxiety of seeing other people’s lives was actually painful.

Oh and the drinking – hahahaha I promise I don’t love drinking as much as I actually consumed during the summer months.

Depression set in. I barely got out of bed, except to drink, and work. Y’all are lucky if I showered. I was a complete and utter mess. Now mind you, I still trudged through life with a smile on my face, and did the only thing I know to do that makes me feel good. Give to others. Pep-talk? I’m there! Ride to the airport #obvi (I mean, I LOVE doing this anyway lol, lets be honest) Concert tickets? LETS DOOO THISSSS. Plane tickets?! I’ve given awayyyyy worseee.

And then fall and winter happened, and here we are! Lol, I know thats a huge zip through, but these past couple months started bringing the year into perspective.

I LEARNED:

1) It’s ok to not have a “good year” even though you still had MANY good things happen.

2) That although losses are difficult, whether in life, friendships, or relationships, those people and moments brought you here, and gave you understanding of something new.

3) People really do come and go as you need them. This pains my heart because I wish I could keep you all! But holding on too tight to anything: ropes, steering wheels, dog leashes, emotions.. lol, starts hurting more than letting go.

This is why I love Birthday Season, and join it with why I live by quotes – Someone, somewhere, has a way to put your emotions to words when you can’t.

They say (whoever they are) that “birthdays are good for your health.. people with more of them live longer.”

Sorry, lame joke, but for reals. This is why every year, every day, every moment, matters. We don’t know when our last day will be. All we know is now. So if you get another Birthday, CELEBRATE dammit! Hehehe

Reflect, learn, and be better. Not sure if you know this, but life isn’t a competition. What only matters is where each of us are going, and where our own paths lead us. Maybe thats why I love running, the only time to beat is what I ran last time. Me, my time.

Me, my life. You, your life.

Thankfully though, some of us will help and motivate each other through the next year. I love cheering at races and finish lines! I cry all sorts of happy tears, lol.

Be kind, celebrate yourselves, be present, and if you can, love, xoxo.

Cheers!

a whole bunch of nonsense

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I feel so inclined to vent today.. It’s been one shit week let me tell ya.

But as angry, hurt, frustrated, just overly emotional as I am, today was an eye opener. I don’t really talk about what is going on with me unless people ask. I have this assumption (or should I say expectation?) that if someone wanted to know something about me, they would ask, right? Just as I ask how people are doing on a daily basis.

side note: Why do I keep thinking people are like me!?

Anyway – I was chatting with a co-worker this morning and he opened up about some personal struggles he was facing. I provided my support, and shared that it’s a very interesting time, because I have recently been experiencing some similarities with others I know. Very large personal changes happening, and none are on the side of positive at the moment.

As he continued to explain, I had a moment of gratitude.. That realization, which I try and remind myself often, is that there are worse things happening out there in the world than my own “problems”. And although this idea still causes anxiety and depression – because I think I can handle ANYTHING I tell ya! – it was still rather fascinating to me that life just never stops.

No matter what is happening – happiness, vacations, sadness, losing your job – whatever it may be, life is always just happening for others. I had this huge bout of anxiety a few weeks back because something was happening to everyone around me. New jobs, new apartments, babies, new relationships, you name it. Generally speaking, it was all good things at that time. And I wondered, “why am I stagnant?!” But I realize now, maybe it wasn’t stagnation, maybe I was just in preparation mode. Maybe it’s true,

all great changes

That’s it – for me it was internal chaos, but chaos nonetheless. And not to say I’ve got all things figured out, but I have definitely been doing things now, that I should have been doing weeks, if not, months ago.

In thinking about all that was happening with people around me, my focus shifted. I then finally realized where my anxiety stems from. People. Lol.. more so, I’m afraid to lose people. Most of you know relationships are important to me. But there always comes a time in all my relationships, especially friendships, where I start “expecting” things. And by “things” I mean behaviors. Again, I assume people are like me, or I assume the Golden Rule holds true.

The problem, as we know, is if everyone were doctors, we would have no firemen. So I don’t know why I begin to expect that people just turn into me with all my goodness and giving. They aren’t me. So what ends up happening, and hysterically enough this has happened to all my very best and closest friends, is that I feel like I’m losing them somehow. Because they aren’t “caring” about me as much as I care about them while life is happening to them.

As I was sitting here sipping my latte, I realized – In almost all my closest friendships there has come a point where I questioned the loyalty of said friend. I would get upset because they were not treating me, as I do them. And as we know, I’m a little extreme – I love without boundaries and give without cause. And in each of these friendships, I’ve pushed to the point of a sort-of exile – where I, in a sense, remove this person from my peripheral, thinking this will fix whatever underlying issue there is.

After hiding, (like with one friend, we stopped speaking almost 2 years) if all is meant to be, we usually find ourselves back, talk it out, and create an even stronger bond. And literally this has happened to all 4 of my closest friends. But why? Why did each friendship have to be “tested”?

expectation

The reality is, that things are happening all around us, to everyone around us, all the time. Change is inevitable, but that doesn’t mean your people have to, or will change. I also need to continuously remind myself that I am not like other people. I will always care more. But for some reason, I thought it was easier to shut people out than care sometimes, thinking this would ease the pain of potential “loss”. Though clearly it’s not the best route to show that you do care.. oops. I’m just glad that the handful of people I have kept, chose to keep me too. I’m worth it, I swear! 🙂

However, the one thing I need to work on are these “expectations”. I hate expectations! So I wonder why I have them with the people I care most about? This is definitely something I never came to terms with until now, which to me, is surprising. I guess better late then never.

So if I’ve ever kicked you down or become overly emotional because of my un-met needs, I apologize. I am the only person who can meet my needs, so I have to understand and trust to utilize my people for their strengths, just as they use me for mine. xoxo

#rantover

❤

people watching.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

We all do it in some form or fashion.

One of my favorites is to find first dates, or even long-term couples – I guess just couples in general – so I can question intent. Lol – I know that sounds terrible, but if you have read any of my posts, you’ll know I’m fairly critical of relationships because 90% of people are in them for all the wrong reasons.

And mind you, I know a handful of people who actually love each other, care for each other, etc.. but those relationships don’t come by very often. Do I need to remind everyone about the divorce rate.. again?!

Anywhoo.. the next that are always interesting are 20-30yr women who are at brunch.. because you wanna know what they are talking about? Yup, their terrible relationships. Lol. And again, I have seen, and heard some wonderful couples, relationships, even some beautiful friendships. What we don’t realize however, is that we are so enamored by those one-off relationships or best-friend goals, that we accept all the others as “normal” conversations or scenarios.  Why? Why is mediocre ok? Why is mediocre considered normal or average?

When did this happen?!

We have one life.. ONE. So why are we constantly filling it with mediocre anything?! I get money sometimes plays a factor on things or experiences.. but money doesn’t necessarily affect the people you can surround yourself with.

So many people question how I know so many people, yet I do so many things alone. I choose only a select few people to keep close. A great way to explain why, is to also explain the people who complain about their “friends” and how mediocre they are, but yet they still choose to surround themselves with them. And I get that different groups of people serve different purposes – co-workers, family, gym “friends”, book club, etc.. But if you find yourself complaining about people and how they are, or what they do, why are you making a conscious decision to keep them close? What purpose is mediocre serving? I guess I sort of feel bad, maybe some people want to be mediocre? But WHY?! Must I remind you of this ONE LIFE?!

mediocre

Sheesh, anyway – I want to live my life like my absolute favorite person to watch: The one who is looking at their phone and smiling. Not just for a moment, but that perma-smile look, like it will never end. Like they are re-reading, re-watching, re-looking at whatever created that smile. I want to be that person creating those smiles. I want to only surround myself with people who put that smile on my face. This girl – I swear whatever she was looking at, not only made her day.. but created a memory. That smile. It was so wonderful, and I’m glad I got to see it in this sea of mediocre.

I mean, hell, it made MY DAY. I wanted to creepily snap her and comment that this was how I wanted every day to be, and that I hope whatever made her this happy never ends. It was all kinds of beautiful, innocent, and real.

So as y’all are out there watching others, be conscious of what side you are on: Mediocracy or Memory. One Life. Don’t be part of the “average” conversation. Majority of people already lie there.. thats why it’s called “average” not amazing. 

Be that person who creates those smile-memories, and keep close those who give you those same smiles. Maybe one day,  t r u e  love and happiness can be the new “norm”.

Image-1

❤

 

p.s. as I finished this, I got a txt back from one of my people.. and man do I love staring at my phone and laughing, and having people wonder what MY happiness is from. 🙂 part of it is bc i’m hilarious, lol, but more so, the response from one of few people who get me. love you, xoxo ❤

 

available

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

(quote disclaimer – there are a few in this post. lol)

Why am I always available?

And by available, it’s more of a “making time” situation. The small amount of people I actually like, when any of them need me, I am always “available”.

calendarfriend

This ^^ I am the friend who never consults a calendar. Because people are more important than calendars. Time is only meaningful when you spend it properly. But why is it, that it’s only me who lives this way? I have wonderful, wonderful friends. People that, I don’t know how I could live without. People who have added value, meaning, or even just good company. Yet these same people never seem to be available when I need them. I either get no responses, or the usual “I’m busy.” But turn this around, and I am changing plans, picking up my phone, and getting the next possible second to give to these people. And I’m sure there’s a few of you who question: Who are these terrible friends? Or want to comment plainly: Find new friends.

Trust me, I have questioned and commented a few times to myself. And the hilarious part about this is, these same people wonder why I eventually lose it and sort of explode emotionally. And THEN it’s all: “What happened? Why are you so emotional? I’m sorry, I don’t understand.” I don’t want sorry – what I needed, was someone a week ago to talk things out with, you know, sort of what I do in return?! So that moments like this, don’t happen.

And to be honest, I have been told my friend “expectations” are a little high. The thing is, I don’t expect anything. It’s more an assumption (which I guess is just as bad) that the Golden Rule exists with people who matter most to you: Treat others as you want to be treated.

If I treated some people the way they treat me, i.e. as the rule states, how they “want” to be treated, I’d have no friends.

2744215-Jewel-Quote-Excuse-me-guess-I-ve-mistaken-you-for-somebody-else

Is that it maybe? I treat people assuming they are like me and can give me the same in return. But that’s why I am me, and you are you. So maybe that’s an expectation? I’m breaking my own rules. I do have to be better with understanding that people are not like me, and that’s what makes me wonderful. But at the same time, it’s a struggle emotionally to feel as loved as I make others feel.

weseethemasweare

And there it is, closure to this post. In the end, we see things the way we are. We see people how we want to see them. And we need to remember that reality is better than expectation.. or assumption even. And when we accept things as they are, it leads to better relationships and understanding all around.

I know I shouldn’t see people as I am, and this is why I’m still friends with people who don’t give me all that I need. At the same time, it leads me on a mission to find someone who can give me what I give in return. Is my emotional dopplegänger out there?! I don’t want to believe that I am the only giver-without-expectation person in the world. There must be more.. or we really do have a lot to worry about in the future.

❤

Go.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 5 Comments

I have at least 3 posts waiting to be finished.. I had so many ideas before I up and moved cross-country, and unfortunately it’s only been a few days.. so I haven’t found anything to call home yet where I can let my thoughts finish. I’ve barely found a Starbucks I like! But through the past few days, and even the days leading up to my departure from New England, I have been pulling at strings inside me only to try and cut some loose. Whether it be a failed test, a lost game, a relationship, a fight, or even moving, we have trouble accepting loss.. sometimes we think of it as failure.

The hardest thing in life is letting something go. Even through all the cliches of “everything happens for a reason”, we still take to heart moments that we should not hold on to. Maybe I should clarify.. it’s not that we should or shouldn’t hold on to these emotions, but many times we sit around and ‘wait’ for that second chance. We hope for someone to come back to us, or for karma to come ‘full circle’. We forget that letting go allows us to make a change or find something better, or makes us better. It allows us to learn. I, for example, have learned that sometimes there are no second chances. You can’t replay a game, and you can’t always re-take a test. And when it comes to relationships, we have to remember that yes, people come into our lives for a reason, but “God often removes people from your life for a reason, think before chasing after them.” -@coffee&cocktails. Do you know how many ex-boyfriends I thought were coming back?! Almost all of them. And how many did?  ___ this many.

Whether its friendships or partnerships, everyone has an expiration date in our lives. This sounds terrible I know, because some DO stand the test of time, but some are just longer than others, some are only for a day, some are only meant to bump into you on the subway and comment on the color of your shirt.. because that 3 seconds made your bad day better.. and some, only some, like library books, can be borrowed again when needed. One of my bestest friends was out of my life for about 4 years. We both never ‘chased’ each other, or fought to understand why we stopped speaking. What we both did, however, was let each other go. And its not that we banished each other from our lives, or were pompous jerks who snubbed each other, we just understood that there was a reason we stopped talking. We both learned a lot about ourselves, and not to sound super lame, but at the most perfect time, we found each other again. Even after so many years of being out of each others lives, one thing never changed, we still understood each other. We talked through the past.. and although it didn’t make sense 4 years ago, it all made sense now. This is one of few scenarios where that letting-someone-you-love-go-and-they-come-back-and-all-that-jazz.. rang true. The moment you let go of something or someone is the very moment everything makes sense. You become who you are again, and sometimes you realize that the something or someone you were stuck to, wasn’t even worth it at all. You are able to see everything from the outside. And sometimes, you even understand what it feels like to be on the other side. An example that this friend explained to me was.. “I was thinking, if I was just walking down the street and I didn’t know you at all, would I still want to talk to you or ask you for directions? As a stranger? Would you be someone I would want to talk to? ..And I answered YES.” After that conversation, I could name a few people that I would still want to talk to, but I also could name a few I wouldn’t want to talk to.. even as strangers.. and it made me realize again the glory of letting those people go.

“Sometimes you have to realize some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.” -@iamprincekash

Because some people and some moments aren’t meant to be in your life forever. No matter how long they have been there already, we all know the past does not create the future. The past can’t ever change, but the future always will. So, of all the heartache, tears, and emotional turmoil.. all the scenarios I made in my head with ex-boyfriends.. (Ive been making rom com’s for years apparently!), all the old friends, and bad days at work.. If I had held on to every emotion.. every moment.. I would have never made a life for myself in New England. I would have never made the friends I have today. I would have been stuck in a terrible, emotionally damaging, relationship. I would still be crying driving on my way to work. I would still be fighting with friends who make bad decisions then question why bad things happen to them. With letting something go, even if its as small as a bad day, it allows you to see what is in front of you, and to show you that even the simplest of things, that are right in front of your face, can be amazing. It shows you the friends who stand by your side, the life you can create from the unknown, the crush who can turn into something more, and the endless possibilities of what fate has to offer.

We only only have one life. We only get one. Once chance. There are no second chances when it comes to life, so why would we ever assume that there are second chances IN life. YOLO all you want, but if you don’t stand by the idea, you weigh yourself down. Every day is a new beginning and with that should be finding something new to let go of. Think about what weighs you down, what lies heavy on your heart. Cut one more string. You’ll be able to breathe a little easier.

If I had stayed a miserable 13yr old who didn’t want to make friends, would I have ever become the crazy-confident-self-loving girl who thought moving back to CA would be a great idea?! Without cutting a few strings, I may have never taken a step forward. So here’s to you New England, as I pour out some champagne for you, know that I will never forget you.. and as days go on, I might pull another string off.. no worries though, because if I love some of you enough, you’ll come back right? Or does that mean I’ll go back..?

“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” -S&TC