Tag: feminism

wheres miranda when i need her (unedited)

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Sex & the City – Season 2 Episode 10

One of my absolute favorite episodes because it truly explains how women are (many times) punished for their success. I know I’ve blogged about this concept before, but in the midst of Tswift’s The Man, and just my recent experiences, I was compelled to write about another sleeve of this double standard.

I go to a local bar.. it’s my very own Cheers.. everyone knows my name. I tip well, and have made some.. acquaintances, if you will. What fascinates me though, is even though I tip rather well (20-50% depending on the day) I do not get the same respect or treatment as male regulars. And mind you, I’ve been, and still am, a regular at many places, but this place in particular, I notice the difference.

Maybe because the type of bar it is? Maybe because the the traffic that comes through? I don’t know, but what I DO know is, when it’s busy I am patient and understanding, and I don’t let the busyness deter me from tipping well or taking it personal. But I also always notice other regulars who frequent this place.. almost all of whom are male.. are still always taken care of in a timely manner.

Now, don’t get me wrong.. women are different personality-wise by nature.. but is that any reason to take advantage of those qualities? I know for a fact I make the same, if not more, than many of those men who frequent this place, but yet, my dollar is undermined by the fact that I’m a female. Even by female staff no less!

Why does society hate successful women? Why must I BE understanding if I’m served after a man? Even fellow women can’t stand successful women! *face_palm* No one questions the man who shows up every night to have a cocktail and sits at the bar for a few hours, yet I receive looks and questions of why I’m there so often. This then turns into “jokes” which in turn just shows that women aren’t allowed to “act” like men.

HOW ABOUT WE JUST ACT LIKE PEOPLE. PEOPLE WHO HAVE STRESSFUL JOBS THAT MAKE THEM WANT TO DRINK.

I understand this post is slightly 2-fold: treatment and success. But many times it comes hand-in-hand. This even more frustrates me that I am constantly judged for both.

I don’t think there’s much moral to this story due to the fact that my situation, and the situations of other successful women won’t change overnight. But I guess use this as a reminder of inequality and societal stigma that is sadly still ingrained even in this new generation of “activists” and “free thinkers”.

It costs nothing to be kind.

✌🏻

Here’s to the man..

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Who at around 8yr old told me: “It doesn’t matter that you are a girl, you can do whatever you want as long as you work hard enough.” (this might be super cheese, but I literally tell myself this almost every day.. especially recently)

And at 20 before I made a terrible decision to get married, when my ex asked my father for my hand in marriage, my dad responded: “I don’t know why you’re asking me, if Kara wants to marry you, she will, if she doesn’t, she won’t. She will do whatever she wants.”

And most recently in the past year, while my dad was visiting, we had lunch with a couple friends of his.. who of course asked: “Is she seeing anyone? Married?” My dad Responds: “Why does she need to be married? You don’t need to be married to be happy nowadays.” They then come back with a: “How will she have children?!” (If you know me at all, I pissed myself laughing here) My fathers response? “She doesn’t need to be married to have children, if she wants children she will have them.” The conversation continued with how I’m happy and that’s all that matters.

And here’s to the man who told me once to never date a man like him, because he knew his flaws and wanted better for me. I understood what he was saying here, as I lived through it.. However, I would definitely appreciate someone who is also as open about their flaws, who understands that mistakes do not make us who we are, and that everyday is not perfect.

A man who is definitely not a traditional father – and even through a childhood of slight turmoil and young adulthood of distress, I still learned from this man that I do not need a boyfriend, a spouse, a job, children, money, or any other societal expectation to define me. I define me.

Happiest of Fathers Day to my daddio who is my biggest supporter and definitely helped nurture my independent-bitchy side Lol – And who will always be a reminder that it is I who makes my life, and to make sure I’m happy with all that I put in it, because it is also me, who has to deal with it.

Thanks Dad for making me want to work hard everyday 🙂

 

 

girl-bosses can still get a B+

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Ok, I know.. sorry! Missed another day, because once again a late night.. on a school night no less! But I am forcing myself awake tonight because yesterday created today.. and it’s important for me to share.

Last night I went to a Women’s Leadership Group that my company hosts for well, women. And the purpose is fairly obvious – my industry consists of a high percentage of men, not only in regular roles but also management. We do however, have two women who hold high ranks, one being our CEO. But because in this particular industry, the majority is men, white men to be more exact, it is nice to have a company that promotes and supports women and minorities to also be successful.

The one thing I took away from last night, which happily created tonight, was that women aren’t really there for one another although the media likes to share women’s marches and protests. In reality, there are many women who openly speak down upon other women, yet call themselves “feminists”. To be part of a women’s movement, whether you call it feminism or something else, you have to actually support other women. It’s not the – Feminism is only for those who believe what I do – movement! Just like the argument of Christians – you call yourself a Christian, act like one.

And I mean don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women of whom I don’t agree with, for example, I am not a fan of many of the women in current politics. But can we just talk about how for the first time in history it was a woman who successfully ran a presidential campaign? Why are women not acknowledging this? Is it because of the rumors of fake election processes? Is it because you don’t agree with her views? Well we also had a woman who almost became president! Who let me tell you, I was not a fan of myself, but honestly good job to her! You want to know how many girls now believe they can also be president!? But why are people complaining? Oh right, because you don’t agree with her views!? Geez. Those two examples alone provide hope and opportunity for women of the future. No matter who you like, they both are paving the way for little girls on the political spectrum.

In the more everyday atmosphere, why are women who don’t believe in abortions criticized?! What happened to Pro-Choice?! I don’t know if you know this, but NOT having an abortion is still a CHOICE! Where are all the supporting women there?! Or let’s get ugly here, why do women criticize those who have made a conscious decision that they don’t want children?! “But you don’t know until you have one”, “How can you be fulfilled without children!?” Where’s the support of, “Way to make a decision that works for you! (and not for society)”. Because I’ll tell you the sad truth, there are many women who were NOT fulfilled by having children.. millions of them. Sadly, foster care is just one example of that. So why is the woman who understands this within herself, being criticized.. BY OTHER WOMEN!?

It’s a shame really, and because of this, I always had a hard time keeping relationships with other women, because I guess I just don’t think like the “average” woman. But the past two days reminded me of the good ones out there. This event gave a wonderful outlet to share successes and challenges, progress and downfall. And although not all the women there that night were supportive of the whole, it was still wonderful to connect, and re-connect with the strong, sassy 😉 and supportive business women. To find the few who actually believe and support women causes, and women as a whole, no matter what your beliefs, is a wonderful thing.

Because who else can truly understand a woman’s struggle in the working world? Or any “world” for that matter? Not your boyfriend or hubby thats fo’ sho! Which brings me to tonight.. I was able to get together with a couple ladies in my office who also went to the event last night, and although we have known each other for years now, it was always a “show up, work, go home” sort of work-relationship. And that’s ok of course, we all don’t need to be office bffls, but it was just great to actually take time, catch up, and talk about concerns and goals: career goals, personal goals, etc..

The minute you take the time to listen to others, you can find that in all of us, there is strength and meaning. And as a woman in today’s workforce and society, being strong in some way is a necessity. I hope my women readers out there all have someone, or someones, that you can be strong with and who make you stronger. If you haven’t found some yet, keep looking – for as many half-hearted women supporters there are out in the world, I believe there are still more who actually support women as a whole, and the movement for what it’s meant to be. #girlpower

 

❤