Tag: energy

it’s not me.. it’s you.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Here’s a little story that I dedicate to all the “Debbie Downers” out there.

Those who know even a little bit about me, know that I can be a hardcore, CAPITAL – B, bold, italic, underlined, BITCH. I cut people out of my life, I fight for what I believe is to be true << true is the key word here. But sometimes I just like to fight. I’ve made terrible decisions in my day, and have paid my dues many times over thanks to Karma. As people, we are not perfect. I have learned to accept this in others, yet it still baffles me why the majority are still hung up on this thing called perfection. You know “perfection” is a relative term right?

Anywhoo other things that people know about me is that I have anxiety and depression. It hinders many a day, and from April thru June, there were days I never even left my bed, aside from the one forceful pull out to get food because I didn’t really feel like causing my own sad death. One.meal.a.day, people.

One last fun thing to mention is that even if you’ve just had one awkward conversation with me, you’ll also know that I wear my heart on my sleeve. I am loyal to a fault. And the best thing I do, is that I provide too much information too soon. I have factual evidence regarding this dating back to, at least, 2000/2001, lol. (one day I’ll write a story about that Filene’s break room conversation, thank you always, Patrick 😉 ) I just love learning about people and showing that I care. I love creating deep conversations, for the sake of learning, and to understand people better. More than anything, I never want others to feel that I am not being truthful so I try and give of myself as best I can.

Point is – with my good, there is my bad – or maybe it can be seen as, with my bad, there is my good. The funny thing about these “faults” of mine is that even through my darkest of days, my bitchiest of attitudes, I somehow have a feeling of realistic positivity. Some might say it’s a choice, I choose realistic positivity. So here’s the hilarious thing – more people can’t stand me when I’m positive (especially during “imperfect” times) vs when I’m negative. Misery really does love company. More so, I then get these people who think I have this perfect little life, see this post. Even more hilarious is when I do post some darker things, like anxiety, depression, emotional distress, and coping with loss, people then think I’m just looking for attention. I can’t win. Hence, it’s not Me, it’s YOU.

I almost always have a sense of realistic-positivity (almost, because again, I’m not perfect). But because I’m not an idiot, or I’d like to think I’m not at least, lol, I get that all positivity can’t come to fruition (realism 🙂 ), however, you can always choose to focus on the pieces that can.

Example: I am sick – I have been sick 3 times this year, and this recent one is going on about 6 weeks. I get sick because I have high stress. My stress turns into anxiety, and sometimes if I fall, it then becomes depression. I am on a bunch of meds at the moment, including an inhaler to try and get me better this time around. I was pretty down on myself Friday, and felt it even more yesterday. All I wanted to do was go to the beach and stare at the ocean before the world woke up. Little did I remember, there was a 10k race happening, roads were closed and parking was all taken. This made me even more sad. It wasn’t even 8am. 😦 I decided to just go to breakfast since I was out, that way I could also take my 7, yes SEVEN pills that I needed to take that morning.

I got home by about 9:30am. Honestly, I was frustrated. On a “bad day” I literally would have just gone back to bed and pout. But I told myself, “I can go tomorrow, I’ll get up even earlier and beat them all to the sand” (realistic-positivity). Since I was home, I decided to read a Class Action Settlement letter that I got in the mail while I was away on vacation. It was for a faulty part on my car and I realized I am part of it, and can submit a claim. I pull out all my invoices and realize that my shop did the SAME.EXACT.SERVICE in February AND recently in July. I was like: wha? I paid an extra 1k on this?! Was there a problem with the first one!? This made me upset – the day was already sad, was it getting worse? I called my shop half angry, yet half patient, to see what they would say. I was finally connected to one of the guys who I always deal with, and he found my two invoices. He apologized profusely and is refunding me the double charge. Because either way, if there was an issue, they never should have charged me twice. And I am still eligible for this claim, so in the end, I could get all my thousands back for the original replacement!

Kid you not, I hung up the phone, and started to laugh. I looked up at the cosmos and literally almost started to cry. My exact words to my sister-in-law were: “Seriously, this is such a weird emotional moment of depression and hope lol.”

But also seriously – This is what gratefulness and a little bit of positivity can get you. With every bad, dark day, we have a good day. With every terrible experience, we have an amazing one. It’s life’s balance. Because again, none of us are perfect. We make mistakes, we are mean sometimes, but we can also choose to be kind. We can choose to love, and we can choose to keep the light inside us through all our storms. Our imperfect moments may come around, but our “perfect” moments are close behind. I truly believe my small bout of hope and positivity helped with this karmic circle.

So call me crazy, call me obnoxious, call me whatever you please, but I would rather believe there is something better, a new beginning, if you will 😉 to look forward to – than to accept pain and suffering, or something as simple as assuming a whole day is ruined. All negativity does is keep us from enjoying fully the best moments we encounter because we are always waiting for the backhand.

But all you have to do is turn your head forward, and you’ll miss getting slapped. 😉

roses

Stay positive, my friends. It’s not easy, I understand, but it has a WAY better outcome than negativity. I have seen with my own eyes that what you give will always be what you receive. And with all the crap Iv’e dealt with the past few months, I’m just happy that my good energies seem to be making their way back to me.

 

❤

karma: kara with an “m”

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I literally just realized my name was a sister to karma. Which I guess is perfect for me based on my views about the universe, God, and energies. What you give, is truly what you receive. Although in some instances the circle closes later than planned, but it all still comes back around eventually.

Just yesterday, I snapped a photo with a long-ass caption (that I’m unfortunately known for doing – sorry! #loveyoumeanit) And it was about how karma is a bitch through good and bad.  Because as much as we want to believe only the good will come around.. we forget our shitty decisions, actions, words, and energies we have spread out there also.

The past 60 days (too specific? lol) have been rather wonderful on a personal level. But just as I’m embracing all the goodness, wonder, and exciting changes, I noticed some aspects have been a little “sad” maybe? I don’t know if “sad” is the right word, but I’ve just realized that in terms of relationships/friendships, The way I have treated some people has come back and just slapped me in the ass, and not in a good way either. <<insert_proper_emoji_here>>

You see, I have a large character flaw, shocking! I know, lol. I’ve never been good dealing with the people I love making bad decisions or doing terrible things. (probably because I have done so many terrible things in my life, I try to keep my people from going through similar episodes. I definitely did NOT enjoy learning the hard way) I have a hard time supporting people when I don’t necessarily agree with their views. I mean, those who have made it through my berating or ignoring, or even being cut out of my life, have a better relationship with me now more than ever, but the thing is, even if it is right to cut someone out, that still creates a negative energy. Cutting = closing. When you close a door, another does not necessarily open. Sometimes it’s just a window. And sometimes, you just closed yourself into a room with no outlet.

On top of energies, what we forget is that all situations are different. No matter how similar a relationship/friendship is or an experience is, they are still a specific and individual moment that does not, and really, cannot be the “same” as any other moment. Because each moment we experience is defined by a number of things: age (and by age I mean where we were – I experienced things at 21 the same time as some 31yr olds and even some 18yr olds, so this is a relative term, but important based on where we were at the time), money, family, was Mercury in Retrograde?! (serious question), the year – was this 9/11?! (serious question).

Point is, there are so many factors in any given moment, that we can’t compare them to another similar moment. I mean, I guess we CAN compare them and talk about the similarities, but if that is the case, we also NEED to talk about the differences. We just have to stop generalizing experiences because no, Steven, is NOT like Sam. Sam was born in January and Steven was born in August. Sam was adopted, and Steven has 3 siblings. Just because both might have been terrible kissers, or whatever, doesn’t mean each moment with them was the same. They both came from different experiences, different ideals, and different lives all together.

So I guess the point in all this is that the karma that comes and goes has nothing to do if you broke up with 10 people via sticky-note – although still a terrible idea. But it does have to do about the energy you brought to that experience. 7 of those break-ups may have deserved that sticky, and that’s their karma. Because as I mentioned previously, sometimes, you do need to let some people go but it is in how you deal with that situation that matters. Should I have just cut some people out of my life? Yes. Is that how I should deal with all issues in my relationships/friendships? Hard NO. Because another thing about karma: sometimes, there are no second chances.

And although I talk a lot about relationships, energies matter in all things, big and small. If you’re just straight up rude to a waiter for no reason, boo you. If you’re a little irritated because they are being rude, that’s ok – but remember, you can control your reaction. Don’t allow yourself to be thrown into the karma circle because of someone else’s negative energy. Just as I hash-tagged on my snap: #stopthecycle. << On that note, if you are experiencing some not-so-fun karma back at you, as I have been recently, remember to keep yourself, or as I like to say, your heart open. Allow this to move through you and more important, don’t fight it. Or you will continue the “negative” cycle.

Learn to understand that when bad karma comes back at you, it’s ok. We are not perfect, and like I said, we are super shitty sometimes. So don’t start assuming life is just breaking down, or everyone and everything is just out to get you. Karma is just life’s way to remind you to stop being shitty, because you can control that. And of course, on the positive end, karma is also life’s way to give back the goodness you gave.

So to all you out there that I may have inflicted some negative energy on, I hope you know karma was watching. And even better, karma is watching you too, hehe. 😉

Here’s to learning, and growing, and staying open to all energies. Let’s remember that ALL situations are separate and individual no matter how similar. And let’s work on focusing more on the good and understanding that the bad is controllable and the cycle can be stopped.

#stopthecycle

❤