Tag: crush

because I’m bored.

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It’s Sunday.

I am wearing the most unflattering cropped yogas.. thankfully I have my brothers old Army sweatshirt to classy it up. I have 5 loads of laundry to do.. technically 6, but I’m going to be lazy and do a load tomorrow. You heard me, I’m lazy doing 5 loads of laundry.. while wearing unflattering cropped yogas.

Clearly, waiting for the cycles to complete leaves me with my mind wanting to do stuff. Isn’t that why I started writing? And what ends up happening, of course, is I write down nonsense.. Nonsense.. all the while my mind continues to think about more important, self-consuming things. Like money, jobs, my future, love, memories, relationships, friendships, family.. the gym.. this guy.. who I consider the man of my dreams, yet-he’s-probably-in-like-a-ten-year-relationship-with-his-high-school-sweetheart-and-has-like-5kids-because-he’s-way-too-hot-to-be-single.. guy. This guy.. who makes me nervous at even just the thought of him.

This guy! Who probably thinks nothing of me, yet he fills most of my thoughts.. daily. Notice I have nothing to say about my job, my future, or money. Even the gym.. and I freakin love the gym! Maybe I’ll go later today.. there. Finally. A different thought in my head.

<<Sigh>>

And here I am swapping laundry loads, in these awful, awful cropped yogas! (I do have to specify the cropped-ness of them because I think it’s the cropped part that makes them worse.)

I’ll just be happy when I have clean, fabulous pieces of clothing available to me so I can change.. to go grocery shopping and run errands..

Oh Sunday.

he probably just isn’t into me at all.

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Sometimes I just do not understand myself.

Or maybe I just can’t be Posh without my plates. Thank goodness I pick them up in 4 days. Then maybe.. just maybe I’ll be a normal person again. Maybe.

Many of you have been reading my adventures for a while, and one in particular that really eats me up on the inside is this single life I currently live. Calling single life an adventure is definitely an understatement. It’s freaking c r a z y. And don’t get me wrong, I’m not all looking for marriage and babies tomorrow.. psshhh.. all I want is a possibility. Is that too much to ask?

Ok wait, I’m slightly digressing.. aside from these possibilities I’m apparently looking for, the issue here is in the first sentence.

For those who know me, my nickname Posh, suits me well. I’ve got some edge, some sass, and at times I’m bitchy. I have been known to break hearts. I’ve had my moments of picking, choosing, passing aside, throwing down ‘friend cards’ and even making them chase. I lived through my 20’s knowing that if I played it right, I only bought myself one drink out at a bar. Some may argue, well why even buy one if you are SO good? Well, the boys need to know what I’m drinking right? And that way they think I’m being nice instead of straight up acting like a mooch. Now don’t start judging.. because in the end, If I find someone worth it, I become the most loyal and loving person you’ve ever met. I have witnesses. I just have to weed out the crazies first.

Anyway, I’ve lost it. All of it. The past month or so, I’ve even been TRYING. What is this trying you say!? I’m still confused at the idea. I meet a cute guy and before I find out if they are gay, married, or taken with children, I am at a loss for words. I melt. I’m am 13yr old with High School crushes. I’ve become a Gigi. I fumble my sentences and turn red in the face. I’ve even been wasting a whole lot of money on my own drinks. Damn I tell you.

Maybe it’s karma.. the universe getting back at me in some sick way, taking away my ability to be picky.. but I just can’t wrap my head around the idea of my confidence being slightly damaged, or in more simple terms.. the idea of what the eff happened to me?! Where did Posh go? Where did my fearlessness run to?

I’ve spent 8 months not even batting an eye for the mere fact that I was so very happy to worry about nothing more than myself. But I guess it happens to the best of us.. when we aren’t looking.. someone always has to walk by.. twice.

Like it matters anyway because the best I can even come up with in a conversation is “I love French people”.

Right!? What does that even mean?! Ugh.

I’m just hoping for the best come Thursday, when Posh will be official in CA. Maybe the aura of my plates will ignite a new fire inside me. Maybe.

tall, raspberry iced coffee, in a grande cup.. with extra ice.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 2 Comments

I currently have three fave hotspots where I constantly spend my time: Barnes & Noble and two different Starbucks. The Barnes & Noble is lovely on days off, especially rainy days and snowy days. Its quiet, has a lovely view of the highway, several things for me to read, and a cafe. My two Starbucksss (how DO you make Starbucks plural?) are similar for obvious reasons, but the main difference between the two, is which way and what time am I going to work?

I will keep these two Starbucksss fairly indistinguishable because continuing on this post, I don’t want to give anything away of which location I am talking about. Now, it’s not that I like one better than the other, they both have their defining qualities.. Like, one has a rude manager who I’ve seen get into arguments with customers and creates fear in me. At one of them, almost the entire staff knows my order way too well it almost scares me. (Or maybe thats both..) One has an awesome older gentleman who wears THE BEST hats. One of his hats is like those beer helmets with the straws, except it has coffee cups! (and OMG he is wearing it today!!) One of the Starbucksss has amazing seating. By amazing, I mean no matter where you sit, you are close enough to an outlet (this is important because somedays I sit for almost 8 hours. Hey, I job hunt too!) One also name-drops me.. bad. You heard me! Name-Drops! I can go on about their differences, but one thing is for sure, they both have internet, coffee, and baristas (or baristOs, as Danielle likes to call them, because they are guys) who are fairly talked about amongst my friends.

These baristOs we talk about are more important than the coffee or internet, obvi. There are the cute baristOs and the baristas (yah all kinds) who you know make your coffee better than others. Is it bad that when I send a girl out to get my coffee, and they come back with something questionable, I always ask who was working? There is some validity in  knowing who is making the coffee. (A perfect example is when I order a certain drink and ask for it ‘skinny’. There is a sign in (I assume) every the Starbucksss that states: Try it ‘skinny’ = skim milk + sugar-free (or unsweetened). So when I order a ‘skinny’ beverage, why are they asking ME what that means?!  Mind you, this happens only at one of the two Starbucksss, but seriously?!) There is also the quintessential baristO-crush where you think they are flirting with you. I mean.. this happens ALL the time! RIGHT?! (BAHAHAHA I’m literally laughing out loud typing this)

And then there is the name-dropping.. Ok, I know.. if you go to any  Starbucks, you will know that 90% of the time, they will ask your name for the cup when they prep. But one Starbucks in particular name-drops like whoa! I mean, it makes me feel at home, and like they remember me, or at least something about me.. I guess thats the point.  But, a couple of baristOs at one of my Starbucksss totally made fun of my drink in front of me. They realize the drink bar is open to the public right? And what is so wrong with a tall iced-coffee-in-a-grande-cup-with-extra-ice?! Where I work, our air circulation is so terrible that it’s always about 75-80 degrees everyday.. do I really need to explain that to these baristOs?! And to top it all off, they know my name! Great.

Well this name-dropping business got me all confused. At one (or both 😉 ) of my Starbucksss I started getting name-dropped so often, I thought.. OMG do I  have a baristO-crush?! I mean, for the past few weeks, I’ve had my name said.. nicely.. and with a coffee behind it! And it’s not only when my coffee is ready, it’s been right when I walk in! “Kara, you’re not normally here this late are you?” “I’m not used to you NOT ordering a coffee, Kara.” Whoa I tell you. And ok, I get that someone of my nature, (who should probably just work for Starbucks at this point) who is in as frequently as I am, name-dropping should be a norm. Whatever, I’ll see it as flattery any day.

Which brings me to my point of this awesome post. The other day, I overheard one of my baristO-crush-name-droppers say something about a girl he was ‘seeing’. WHAT?! I mean, I myself, have had a boyfriend.. for 5yrs now. 🙂 But in moments like these, you don’t want to know those personal snip-its! Its like going to watch “Magic Mike’ and being reminded that Mr. Channing Tatum is MARRIED.. happily at that! You don’t want to think about that! You just want to watch him dance around and forget there is even a plot to the movie.. wait, is there?!

Question now is.. is he playing hard to get?! HAHAHAHA no.. but is it bad that now all this fake ‘special’ treatment is now normal? Knowing that any of these baristOs really don’t have crushes on me!? Wait, are Starbucks employees paid to flirt!? Maybe. Or maybe as a girl, it was just the flattery in it all.. and knowing that somewhere, the idea of someone having a crush on you, made you feel like.. a girl.  A girl in a movie. Co-staring with Channing Tatum. 😉

So to all you baristOs out there.. if you are even pretend-fliritng, don’t talk about other girls.. it’s unprofessional anyway to the public, and all us coffee-loving ladies want to pretend you have a crush on us. the end.