..it gets TINY.
just when i think the world can’t get any smaller..
..it gets TINY.
Category: Uncategorized
manhunt.
I’m about 3-4 months away from making it a whole year without sex.
TMI? Sorry.. wait no, I’m not sorry. Because theres nothing wrong with saying it. I am not ashamed of it, and I’m sure there are a few people sitting in this boat I’m floating in.. I am also sure that some of you who are reading this are shocked. Way to think I’m a floozy! HA! Honestly, I’m partially shocked too. Anyway.. with the many conversations I have had with friends from back east, my roommate, and even my cousins, I’ve realized it’s not because I haven’t had any chances, its just that I’ve become a monster. In a good way. I think.
I am still as boy-crazy as ever, but I have created un-attainable standards for any male who thinks they are getting past a hand shake with me.
Good? Maybe. Bad? Probably. Because, yes, I am looking for more than a romp in the sack, but at the same time, I’m not giving any chances. And for someone who has made plenty bad decisions in her day when it comes to men.. HAHAHA – literally laughing at myself right now – It’s a strange feeling to have.. what are those called? Oh right, standards.
I partially blame it on my ex. After 5 years, it sadly didn’t work, but that’s not to say it was because of him. Oh, I take full responsibility. I wanted different things, and I lost my spark. But looking back, and now looking forward.. these future guys have ALOT to live up to. I mean, my ex had an amazingly stable and well-paying job, he had a great family, was relatively responsible, and took care of me like no one ever had. He knew how to fix things, make things.. he even changed the brakes on my car.. and they are still working! 😉 He knew how to cook, and he was my best friend. Being on my own now for almost 7 months, I can see the little things on why it didn’t work, but that doesn’t take away his awesomeness.
So now when I meet those of the male species, I’m all like – “What do you do for a living? Do you like sports? Do you know anything about cars? Are you reliable? Can you drive a manual?.” And the list goes on.. I mean, if the poor guy doesn’t have nice shoes on I’m judging! Even though my ex was a home-town boy who loved fishing and Star Wars, he did know a good shoe. And there it is. Damn him! Why did he have to be almost perfect?!
Of course I know the answer.. so I don’t settle for less than perfection. Which makes my love for Bradley Cooper all the more reasonable. But here comes a new problem. Every guy I find who meets these standards of mine are One of Three things:
Taken – Married with children – or Gay.
What am I supposed to do with that?! And all the others..? I’ve been throwing down the friend-card left and right. Because, I’m sorry, if you are a man, you don’t have to necessarily drive a manual, but you at least have to know how. Especially if I drive one. And yes, that means something to me. It’s almost as is important as how I take my coffee.
So call me crazy, call me bitchy, call me unrealistic, or even unreasonable.. But there are things in life we hold to non-negotiables. And for me, I have a lot of them. But even with non-negotiables, in the end it does come down to emotion and spark. I know that sounds absolutely insane after everything I have just said, but I am a hopeless romantic deep down. I’m an Aquarian for goodness sakes, I believe in the stars and the dreams that hold them.. It has been said about Aquarians that, “Although you appear aloof and detached you’re inwardly sensitive and caring.” See? I’m just bitchy, crazy, and judgmental on the outside! 😉
But seriously though, it is a cycle.. common interests create a conversation, which creates common ground, which in turn creates a friendship.. it’s the spark that creates the relationship. And like Rich said, worst case, if I’m gonna become a hussy, I might as well have standards.
Oh well.. Charlotte did quote that you can become re-virginized after a year of no sex. Thank you Sex & the City for once again making me feel better about my life.. gah!
Cheers!
birthday love.
It’s officially been 4 months now in California. Im a few days late in my anniversary, but its because I was too busy celebrating the best.holiday.ever.
The day I was born.
My mother, every year mind you, either calls or texts me on my birthday right around the actual time of birth and tells me she has stomach pains. I can’t make this stuff up. It makes me laugh every year and this year was even better because with her still being on the East Coast, she texted me 3 hours early. And I say early, not just because of the time difference, but because I was born in San Diego, so therefore, my birthday is technically on PST time which I never really noticed till now. She was amused when I mentioned it, and just responded with “Well the pain will last at least 2 hours or more.” Oh mother..
My birthday is usually at least a week-long extravaganza, sometimes month-long, depending on the birthday. This year its just a 3 and a 2, so nothing too spectacular, but it still deserved a week 🙂
The thing with my birthday, which is why I make such a big deal out of it, is that it is two days before Valentine’s day. For many, you may be thinking, “Amazing! Double the gifts!” But for those who share a birthday next to any major Holiday will know how annoying it is. What’s worse is that Christmas babies, Easter babies, even 4th of July babies, at least have REAL holidays to compete with. I, on the other hand, get this fabricated fake-love, reason-to-buy-me-gifts-that-are-meaningless – but-buy-them-anyway-so-there-are-no-fights, “holiday”. I stopped ‘celebrating’ (if you can call it that) Valentine’s day after the 6th grade when handing out valentines started ruining my birthday.
Every year, every birthday, even the important ones like 18, 21, and 30 have been postponed, moved, delayed, or I get a whole lot of late guests because of dinner plans, or valentine’s plans. I’m sorry, I get ONE. ONE freakin day a year to myself like everyone else, and I get it that I have to share it with this fake-love crap, but c’mon.. people still celebrate on the 15th too because dinner reservations are booked. So why ruin MY day!? I honestly feel for the people born on the 14th.. I was almost one of them, but thankfully I was impatient and got out two days early.. because do people with valentine’s birthdays actually ever celebrate their day of birth!? And even worse.. to re-iterate, its not even a REAL holiday!
Ugh, so in essence, my mother learned quick to stop wrapping birthday gifts in red and pink hearts. And stopped giving me “Valentine’s Birthday” cards. I also learned. I have a few December birthdays that I take extra special care of and send an actual birthday card and birthday present to. Because it’s their ONE day of the year too.
I mean, I don’t care when your birthday is, or even if you like birthdays. In the end, everyone, even those who say they don’t like birthdays, appreciate having one special day where people wish them luck, good will, love, or whatever other wishes of happiness there may be. And all these wishes are only that one person. As sad as it may sound, some people only receive recognition on their birthday.. And I know there are multiple people born on the same day, I share mine with a distant cousin, Abe Lincoln, Charles Darwin, Christina Ricci, Arsenio Hall, Bill Russell (Go C’s!) Judy Blume, and even one of my ex’s sisters.. But even still, it’s one day, one of the the most important days of our lives, and arguably THE most important day.. the day we graced this world with our presence. The day we were given the opportunity to be a part of life. If that isn’t reason to celebrate, then I don’t know what is.
So be mindful of holiday birthdays, and all birthdays for that matter, because we only have one.. just like this life. Every year that goes by where you can celebrate another, is a celebration in itself.
resolutions are not life.
I dont even have to ask..
I know I’m not the only one out there who is hard on themselves. The thing with me is, I’m hard on myself about the little things. Important matters like work and relationships.. when things go wrong, I just look to find the answer and allow myself to explain why things happen. But the small things in everyday life that I think I can control.. if I feel like I miss something, it eats at me and literally pushes me into a hole.
It’s a matter of self control. I feel like I have a pretty good sense of one. However, in everyday moments I seem to make excuses for things I know I can control. Something a little as “No, I DO NOT need Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch..” Or all those times at the bar when I’m having some drinks.. I say no to a cigarette 99% of the time. But why.. why the 1%?! And when that lapse in judgment happens.. I get angry. I literally take a step back and question the things I can control. Because realistically there is little we can actually control; especially if you believe in anything spiritual, religious, or even zodiac-related. This is one of the main reasons I drive a standard; or stick-shift, as others call it.. manual.. whatever. Because I have control over my vehicle. I can control my car.. yet I forget I can’t control everyone else driving.
Either way.. WHY?! Why does this happen? I know I am everything BUT perfect.. so why have these limits on myself? Or never mind limitations, at the very least, why be so hard on myself. Why? Because I clearly have control issues. Kind of. When it comes to me, I feel I should be the only one with any credible advice towards decisions. Life on the other hand.. I let happen.. and follow where it takes me. This might not make sense to some people.. probably because it makes no sense to me either. Because I AM LIFE. I can’t control anything except my own actions.. which almost negates itself with the fact that I can’t control anything else.
This whole rant came to mind because for the past few months, I have not taken care of myself physically. More health-wise than anything else. I’ve been lazy, and eating like crap. I’ve barely exercised and my body hates me. With this new year upon us, I know you are thinking I’m about 26 days too late.. (well I’ll have you know that I control when MY year starts) I realized I am not the person I thought I was.
“Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not a day on the calendar, not a birthday, not a New Year. It’s an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What’s important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.” -Greys Anatomy
So my sad small moments made me think of many resolutions for this new year.. the problem with those resolutions was that I was just telling myself to do things that I had previously done all along. Play volleyball again, go to gym more, eat better. Things that came naturally before that are now a struggle.. why was I not controlling that? It seemed simple enough. So I decided, my moment, my letting go of bad habits.. my belief in a new beginning.. it wasn’t going to start with resolving my prior year, it was going to start with me. Me, and my move. Me and my new experiences I have had in the past three months. Me, and MY new year. Me and, well.. more me.
Because resolutions are not life. They are nothing more than un-realistic expectations that we put on ourselves to change. And I don’t need to change. I just need to be better.. and by ‘better’ I mean a better person. I just need to make myself proud because as we know, I am my biggest critic.
3 months
I have been in California for three months now. Three. It feels like I’ve been here for years.
I have a job, my own little place, an amazing roommate, and I’ve even had a few sad rom com experiences with the male-kind. Everyday I wake up amazed at myself that I actually did this. I moved, 3-thousand miles away, (technically between 2,998 and 3,117mi depending on the route) and although I have family here, I had nothing else. I moved away from the only adult life I knew, the only cultures I’ve been accustomed to, and moved away form the only lifestyle that I thought mattered. I came here with no plan other than to survive. No job, no place to live.. a couple thousand in my pockets, and wide eyes. And I did this all at 31.
I was criticized by some, and I know I’m still criticized my many. But thankfully I have faith in myself, which is the only faith I need, and I made a life for myself. In three months.
In these three months I have already created my pros and cons list of the two worlds I come from. I honestly struggle everyday to figure out how I feel about them both and which ‘life’ is meant to be. I know neither place is necessarily better than the other, just different. Even so, I love both places and I am learning a lot about myself.. which really was the main reason why I moved.. to be away from everything I thought I knew and learn something new.
Here are a few things I’ve learned so far, and some things I always knew..
SoCal is more than LA and Hollywood.
California does have seasons.. it just depends where you are in the state to experience them.
In California, the beach culture is amazing.
Sadly, in a state where cultures thrive, the people are surprisingly not nearly as friendly as New England folk.. or as knowledgable of cars.
The gentlemen are in New England.
One thing I absolutely love about SoCal is that there are no societal expectations. People follow dreams here.
One thing I absolutely love about New England are the people.
I love both because there is a piece of me on each coast; one is my sunrise and one is my sunset. But one thing is for sure.. I came to a place that had no expectations of me, I came here with nothing.. and with barely 14 weeks under my belt I feel like I have everything.. except Bradley Cooper. But I’m sure that is just bound to happen.. I mean it’s only been three months.
Untitled.
Whoa.
It’s been just about a month since my last post, and once again, I have a few drafts waiting to be finished.. Until those are completed, I would like to take a second to apologize for boring all you readers with nothing new! This new life in SoCal, has provided me with a job, which from my understanding was a feat in itself being able to secure something in one month. I guess I’ll give myself a pat on the back for that. With this new job, I have clearly been busy.. and then I blinked and it was Christmas. I literally began working the day before Thanksgiving which explains my month-long hiatus.
Not sure if you are aware, but many things can happen in a month. Many things can happen in a day.. an hour even.. seconds. And this past month not only have I experienced many things personally, I have also experienced things globally. There were good and of course there were some bad.. There were more heavy rains and cyclone/tsunami-type weather in the Philippines, more cold weather and snow in the Northeast, Pacquiao lost his fight, there were more birthday parties to attend, and of course, there was the wild hustle and bustle of Black Friday kicking off the holiday shopping season.. there was also my cousin, who finally landed a job herself after being out of work for over a year, and more recently, there was a heartbreaking tragedy in CT.
I don’t want to write about tragedies, or bring back terrible memories. I also don’t want you thinking that it hadn’t affected me. I want to explain that aside from the reality-check CT has brought me, everything else that has happened has reminded me of how absolutely blessed I am. I have my family, my friends, a job, and even a new roommate! I’ve had low moments questioning some of my decisions.. but all in all, I have another day. I can’t say that I’m plain lucky, because there have definitely been some questionable moments in my life. But to still be standing here experiencing yet another moment, even one as small as writing this blog post.. it allows me to remind all of you of how equally blessed you are to be able to read this.
I have always been a very grateful person, but more so recently the minute I moved across the country. I have thanked God everyday for what I have. I am thankful for every struggle and every happy moment. It was not easy re-starting my life. As crazy-positive of a person I am by nature, at times, I felt very defeated being here. I have phone calls and texts to prove it. But in all that is down, there is up, even if it seems impossible. For this Holiday season, I have God, but to whomever you have to thank, Thank them. Even If you are not spiritual, you have your best friend, or even your mother. Be thankful. Be kind. Stop waiting for reminders.
“It always amazes me how seemingly insignificant choices in life end up being all the more significant in time. I’m constantly reminded that all situations, opportunities, and relationships are precarious. It takes only seconds to change a life.” -Brian Sicard
best form of birth control..
..is other people’s children. Until you start to love them..
I knew the number one reason I wanted to move back to CA was because of family. The second reason was to follow dreams I hadn’t dreamt yet. With those dreams, I also thought I would be living the life of a socialite, a role that very much suited me in the North East.. and a role that thrives out here in the South West. However, the most social thing I have done recently is help my cousin take my niece and three of her friends to an amusement park for her 8th birthday.. with also trucking around my 16mo old nephew. Never mind the days where I’m helping watch my nephew and my other niece (who is 1yrs old).. which proves to be the greatest arm/shoulder/pectoral work out ever, but having to humor 4 third graders.. man, I forgot how exciting life as an 8yr old was. Or maybe it was more overwhelming then exciting.
Either way, I have only been in CA for 6 weeks (but it honestly feels like I’ve been here for years) so it doesn’t surprise me that I havent been able to live up to my socialite status yet. Focusing on finding a job was very life-consuming leaving me no time, or money, for friends. Also considering my perfect timing in moving.. right before the holidays.. I’ve been non-stop with family events and Thanksgiving. And of course, a month from today is Christmas. So really, my social status probably wont blossom until the new year.. which is my next challenge all in itself.
What DID surprise me though was the capability and patience (which is EXTREMELY difficult for me) I had to help take care of my nieces and nephews. Helping with homework, putting the babies down for naps, feeding, constant playing and distracting.. crazy I tell you. And more so, exhausting. I mean, I’ve never been terrible with kids, I just have absolutely no patience with them. So being able to manage screaming children and even getting them to stop? Well now, that’s a feat no one thought I would ever be able to accomplish, never mind enjoy. Theres the kicker.. I actually enjoy it. I love these kids. As crazy and wild, headache causing, and coffee requiring as they make me, Its like I’m helping nurture the future. I love the looks on their faces when they see me walk into the room. I know. I can’t believe I wrote those sentences too. And being with these crazy children makes me miss my brother and his four little ones even more. I’m starting to feel bad that I’m not able to be with them as much as I am with my cousins kids.
Now, don’t get all excited you people who know me.. I love these kids, but by no means will I start having ‘baby fever’. It is a strange emotional experience though.. that although the thought of me ever having my own children still makes me cringe, I now contemplate if I will ever have any. And Kelly, I don’t want to hear any ‘I told you so’ yet! Theres a still a long way for me to go before children ever become the forefront of my mind. For starters, there’s that socialite life I need to live first 😉 and of course, finding that someone who is worthy of me and my craziness.. in order to even make a baby.. which is far beyond important to me right now.
It’s just crazy that in 6 weeks, I fell in love with three kids. I make baby noises, I talk about Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, and I’m already planning a Christmas-movie-watching night with my cousin and my niece. I am THE auntie. I’m involved and helpful, and I’m able to give the children back! 😉 Hahaha! But honestly, that’s one thing that I am happy about though, because I always wanted to be THE auntie. We had that auntie growing up.. she wasn’t able to have children, so she raised us and treated us like her own. She was our biggest supporter, our biggest fan, and our biggest motivator. She prayed for us, took care of us, and even with me, being miles away.. she looked after us. When she passed away 3 years ago, it was the hardest thing my cousins and I ever had to deal with. It’s still hard sometimes, and like many things, we miss her most during the holidays. Maybe that’s why being THE auntie means so much to me. Because she may not have had her own, but she still had 6 children. And just like I tell my cousin every time we joke about me having kids.. I don’t need any.. because I already have 7.. which is such a perfect number. ❤
tiny rant.
Okay, maybe it’s not tiny.. But being it the week of Giving Thanks.. I keep seeing something on my social pages that is really starting to eat at me. << I don’t even know if that sentence makes sense. Anyway, I keep seeing miserable people.
We all have bad days.. I’m having one today. I have other days that are tough too, but I try and keep calm because why make my surroundings miserable? It’s not the world’s fault that I’m having a bad day. But I also know that I can’t help it sometimes and that was me today. I even posted on FB that I’m grumpy and I wanted help to make it stop..!
Maybe its me, but when I have a bad day, or if I’m going through something difficult I dont find it appropriate to divulge things via social pages. Yes, I did write about one difficult moment in my life this year on my blog, but that is ONE outlet, and it wasn’t constant. It was also not written for the mere purpose of attention. It was a story. I guess my point here in this week of Giving Thanks, is that I have seen many posts lately about people going through difficult times.. and “some days are worse than others”.. posting dramatic explanations of life and love and heartache.. People posting about how miserable life is.. Reaching out to their FB/twitter/whatever else you might use – family just to create a rise out of people.. In order for people to comment with sob similarities and some others who provide motivational mini speeches. I completely understand that during holiday seasons, what seems bad enough already, becomes a little more discontent.. I’ve actually seen it first hand in a bar on Christmas Eve once.
A major reoccurring theme during the holidays are people who worry about being single.. I get it. I myself will be spending my first Thanksgiving and Christmas in 5 years.. alone. Call me crazy, call me different, call me a liar, but my explanation to people and my thoughts on this are that no matter what coast I would be spending this first holiday season alone, I know I have people who love me, and I am not spending it alone. I have family, I have friends. More important, I have myself. We dont get those moments often, time to spend on ourselves.. and although nothing beats having companionship, what kind of companions can we really be without loving ourselves and experiencing the holidays in a light where you can see how others actually are. Seeing for once that without the fog of depending on someone, no relationship is perfect, no life is perfect. People are not perfect.
So rather than vent out daily, hourly, or every few minutes even, why not actually see the holidays, or every day for that matter, for what they are meant for.. Family/Friends: whether its by blood or by fate, without family and friends we would litterally have nothing. Being Thankful: nothing will ever be perfect, everything happens for a reason, and there is a time and place for everything. A bad day for me is obviously different for other people, but we should always be aware of what we actually have and how grateful it is to have those things. To be able to wake up everyday and have another chance that many people don’t have. Not just today, not just this week, but always. We can never control what happens around us or what people do to us, but we can always control our own actions and reactions.
I mean really, why do some people feel like they are the only people who ever had problems? No one else in the world or on FB, or twitter.. ever went through a break up? No one else ever lost their job? No one else ever fought with their family? No one else is hurting on the inside? No one else ever had a bad day..?! And come on, how many times can someone say “Don’t worry, things will get better”, ” You are stronger than that”, “Tomorrow is another day..” We know this already, why must we be constantly reminded? It’s like knowing 1+1=2 but still asking for the answer. Maybe this is another mini motivational speech for all the downers, but seriously, how many times do we need to hear it?! And when did social networking become a platform for public whining? How many moments will it take for us to be grateful for what we have?! To be grateful for the small things in front of us.. for just making it another day.. just breathing one more breath..
“Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we’re thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we’re thankful for the things we’ll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.” -Grey’s Anatomy
writing has feelings too.
Writing. It is such a powerful thing to be able to do. It provides new ideas, explains situations, tells a story, and in some instances, inflicts emotion.
Emotion: n. A state of feeling. A conscious mental reaction subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.
Emotion is a crazy thing. It allows you to feel out a situation and express yourself. Emotion can change your perspective on life, it can even make or break you. It is the very aspect of our being that allows us to connect to others.
Now.. writing and emotion.. this is a tricky thing. As stated, in some instances writing can inflict emotion.. however, unless you are reading a very well written novel, you can’t find proper expressions of emotion. Classic novels aside, lets talk about everyday writing. Like this blog, it is difficult to see exactly how a writer feels from their words. Even some novels, (which is why I stated ‘some instances’) one cannot tell the emotion from the writer. In this entire post for example, I could be sitting here laughing hysterically reading out the definition of Emotion, over enunciating certain words, and making a mockery of my ideas.. Even with as many emojis 🙂 , underlines, italics, bold letters, or even bold italic underlines, expressing emotion through writing is difficult. You can’t hear tone, you can’t see a facial expression. And that is what emotion is.. ‘a strong feeling.. typically accompanied by behavioral changes in the body.’
So in all our Facebook statues, all our tweets, and all the blogs we read.. all we have in interpreting writing from someone, is our knowledge of them. It’s knowing what they sound like, knowing their tone, knowing facial expressions, eyebrow raises, smirks.. Without that, the perception idea comes back to mind.. writing becomes part of the world of assumptions. We have to remember that what we think the emotions are of what someone writes, may not be what the writer intended, or even what other people are thinking. And not to throw this into a 3rd dimension again, but what we respond with is also under the same discretion since those who do not know us will read without knowing how we feel. They are just words on a screen. I have seen many internet fights because of this, even on my own pages. I myself have had to reach out to the people who know me to remind them that other people will not understand my ideas, never mind their comments, so to be prepared for back lash..
And then I bring myself down to reality and think.. ‘It doesn’t matter what these people think of my words.. they don’t know me!’ But it does matter. Why?! Because even people who know me best still mis-interpret my words.. because again, they still can’t see me. They sometimes can’t determine if I’m serious, or sarcastic. I have to literally say ‘I’m serious.’ Now those situations are not common, but even still, it makes me think of the people I don’t know very well that I am getting to know now. Especially here, in what some people like to call LALA Land.. where drama is hiding behind every corner.. the entertainment and media industry focusing on every word, spoken, sung, or written.. I sometimes forget these people do not know me yet.. They’ve only tasted the icing.. and I’m a whole lot of cake!
Maybe it’s because I am in a new world, with little connections, as well as being recently single.. that I am more aware of what my messages interpret as. I can’t stand having to explain myself.. so I try to be more careful. But in all our writings, whether it be Facebook, twitter, texting, messaging.. remember that all the emoji in the world won’t be able to express your actual emotion. I don’t think its anything we can change, or fix..(unless we all just start posting video of ourselves) we can just be aware of it.
So, if I offend anyone, or give off the impression that I’m interested.. NO. No, I’m not sorry. You just don’t know me and there is not much I can do about interpretations of my written word. I can do my best, but it will never be perfect to everyone. But maybe, just maybe, one day everyone will be able to know and experience the honest-fun-enthusiastic-craziness that is Posh.. Maybe. And then all the critics can suck it.
“Those who know, don’t talk. And those who talk, don’t know.” -@CoffeeCocktail
do you see what I see?
In my previous posts I mention that perception is reality. A while back, I was confronted about a situation and I still don’t quite know what I had to do with it.. honestly, (theres that honesty again!) not many people really understood it either, except for maybe the people involved.. Even then, I don’t know if they quite understood it either. Anyway, without being anymore vague, this situation left me rather defeated. Everything that was happening was really out of my control. The only unfortunate part in all this, was that what I had perceived of the situation was not what the confronter was trying to explain. So in true honesty fashion, I presented my concern to said confronter. I knew my thoughts were not going to change anything, nor did I want them to, and I didn’t quite care what the explanation was, I just needed to get my feelings out. After an exchange of emotion, and a try at making me feel less miserable about myself, I realized: It didn’t matter what I thought, or what anyone thought. Nothing mattered. The situation practically didn’t exist anymore.. because no matter what was said, or who thought what, my perception was not going to change. And neither was the opposing side.
Perception (from the Latin perceptio, percipio)n. is the organization, identification and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment.
Perception. Its an interpretation.. of sensory information. Every.single.person. interprets or perceives their environment differently. 5 people see a car accident, you get 5 different explanations. It doesn’t even matter how close any of the explanations are.. something will be slightly off. Whether it be something as technical as the color of clothing the driver was wearing, or as basic as ‘who hit who’, every perceived story, every explanation, will be different.
Knowing this, it opened my eyes to an entirely different perspective as to why things are the way they are in life. Now I’m not trying to throw you into a 3rd dimension of thought or anything, but think about it. Something as little as friendships are viewed differently by different people. Why do you think some people get jealous of relationships and others don’t? Because peoples interpretations are not the same. Here’s an easy explanation: I have a friend who is male, and we have been friends since high school. Our relationship has always been platonic, there has never even been an awkward hug. However, being the social media freak I can be sometimes, I was advised to not mention or tag him with me every time we would meet up; even if it was just a simple coffee break. The independent part of me was all up in arms because really, I had nothing to hide.. it was ridiculous. Anyone who knew us at all would state the same. However, even though I had met his girlfriend on several occasions, we did not have the same friends. And those friends who didn’t know me, would potentially perceive me to be some sort of wild hussy. And again, no matter the explanation to these people.. just like the initial vague story of explanation to me, it wasn’t going to change our perception. I will still think its ridiculous and they will still think I’m a wild hussy, because that is our reality. That is what we see.
Taking it a little further is the 3rd wheel scenario. I never knew this even existed until recently, and it made me re-evaluate every friendship I ever had. In friendships, especially in multiples, someone always feels left out. Sometimes it’s for different reasons, but that someone, is everyone. Everyone is the 3rd wheel. I feel this way in a friendship I have, and strangely enough, one of my friends also felt the same to some degree, and for similar reasons. Again, it changes nothing. We can’t change how we feel.. we cant change our ‘sensory information.’ Its our reality, its what we see, its how we feel. No matter what dynamic happens in the friendship, we may always feel this way. I say ‘may’ because of course its possible to change ones perception of something, anything is possible. With that, however, we have to remember that if our perception changes, so doesn’t someone else’s. And we are back to square one.
This is why even people in the same political party or even the same religion still argue with each other. This is why there will never be a ‘right’ call on the football field, or basketball court, or baseball diamond. This is why there is conflict in our world. Every.single.day we forget about perception. We forget that what reality is to us, may not be to someone else. And sometimes we forget to see, or try to understand, someone else’s reality. The whole point to life is to find out who you are and be an individual.. to think for yourself. So then why are we constantly working so hard trying to make others think or see things the way we do? Or vise versa. See life the way you see it.. just remember no one else has your eyes.
“Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” -Lao Tzu
To New Beginnings 