I’m not popular

And neither are some of my opinions, but I just have a hard time understanding how we are in 2023 and still so unaccepting. In light of Pride Month and Juneteenth ahead, and well, the slew of hate against Drag Shows recently, I question a lot of things with this country and wonder how those who argue over “keeping things they way they were”, or “back in my day”, refuse to acknowledge all the progress they accept on a daily basis.

Don’t people understand that if “things stayed the way they were” we wouldn’t have this damn country. We were built from many things, and rebellion, different values/ideas, and different cultures are all part of that. We wanted a new land so we could live “freely”. So why would we deny freedoms or the people themselves who think and live differently? Why are we not wondering or asking them what they know that we don’t know?

I’m sure there were people who thought airplanes were witchcraft at one point. I mean, how many mid 80s/90s kids heard that the internet was the devils work bc it was opening up information we “shouldn’t know about”. Yet now those same people who shunned the internet, now use it as their form of “news”. And post on platforms on said internet to keep in touch with friends, all while posting their opinions on the media-driven “news” they read about. << ok maybe that last point might be the devils work, lol.

In that same sense, I know people will read this and come at me with plenty of OPINIONS (not facts) on why Drag Queens are bad, Gays are bad, and why History should not be dissected. Well, I stand by my last post – Be Curious, not Judgemental. Those of us who have no problem with lifestyles we don’t understand, are curious. We ask questions, we don’t judge. In that same sentiment, those who are finding gaps and inconsistencies in our history, were again, curious. Because as I also noted in my last post: Ignorance may be bliss.. but it is still Ignorance.

These same people who choose ignorance and judgement, fight the same battle and complain against those that question their opinion. And I get it, judgement should not be coming from any side, however, those unaccepting of change, rarely realize that they feel attacked because more times than not, they fight with opinions, not facts. It’s possible they are trying to hold on to whatever “bliss” they have left from some mental model from childhood without realizing the only constant in life is change.

Even in a small town where things may change less, there is still change. How am I so sure about that? Because there are babies born every single day. A child alone, creates change in this universe – first in its home within its family, then as it grows and learns, school or no school, they will develop ideas and dreams, and questions. Why do you think that small town storyline in movies/books even exist? Gotta leave this farm for the “big city”. Why? Because each of these main characters wanted to LEARN MORE AND EXPERIENCE SOMETHING NEW. Because they realized ignorance may be bliss.. BUT, lol, ignorance is STILL ignorance. They wanted to understand what was outside their bubble.

I digress slightly, but my point is, before I start demanding that people return their cell phones and computers, and cars even, can y’all just take a moment to realize that change is eminent? Whether that’s an evolution of mind or culture change is constant. And instead of arguing as to why we must celebrate LGBTQIA+ or Juneteenth, (its bc both scenarios involve a portion of our population that has either been oppressed and/or denied truth just FYI) maybe be curious instead. I myself didn’t know what Juneteenth was up until 2-3 yr ago. But I was curious, so I learned. Lets throw another quote out there before this ends, lol, “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. How ’bout go to a Drag Show and ask questions, you have a gay co-worker? Ask questions. I want to believe they will appreciate that more than your judgement. I have a Jewish co-worker that I worked closely with back in the day, he appreciated all my “stupid” questions. I asked questions to learn so I could understand the culture. And let me tell you, I asked a lot of questions – Yes, I was even one of those people who asked if Jews celebrate Thanksgiving *face_palm. Point is, I was being curious, I took a moment to learn, to understand. And one year, he thanked me because although sometimes annoying, he was glad that I at least asked. I also think it was the same year I was the only person who gave him a Hanukkah card, and for that, he was also grateful.

So before y’all come at me, maybe ask a question first. And if you throw Jesus into this, mus I remind you that anyone in any religion can pull a line from a bible or other religious word to cover their OPINION. But FACT is, most religions, moral of their story is 1) believe in the Lord and worship them 2) don’t be an asshole to your neighbors. i.e. you can hate the sin, but not the sinner. The Lord loved sinners. We are supposed to love not judge. In this case of religion, we are supposed to spread His word, not take others words away. Don’t make me bring in excerpts of “casting the first stone” to start backing myself up, lol.

Anyway, I haven’t put controversial thoughts on here in awhile, and a great thing about this country is free speech. So lets remember why we are great – Indivisible with Liberty and Justice FOR ALL. ❤

till next time, be kind, be curious, not judgemental.

xoxo

my biggest flaw

I, for some reason, had an urge to share today, and as I learned from my blog challenge, I will listen!

In regards to the title of this piece, ask anyone who may know me even a little bit, and I have an inkling they will all say my biggest “problem” or “flaw” is I care too much. Many times it’s about things that, “don’t matter” or “shouldn’t matter”. Or more so, about people who “don’t deserve” it.

Good thing I don’t listen to anyone – maybe that’s another “flaw” lol.

I went to church for the first time in a long time, at my own will even.. << this is a rare occurrence. I was born and raised a Catholic – I still have those services memorized and engrained in my brain.. with the OLD language I might add – none of this “new” Catholic church language for me! lol (totally aging myself here). And let’s be clear, I have nothing against Catholics at all, but structure and methodology only speak to me in yoga. In religion, the only consistent “rules” you should find, are: to Love one another, and Worship he/she who takes care of you. (I say he/she because for many it is the Universe and Mother Earth who takes care of you, and that’s ok – because honestly, the lines of creationism and evolution are very much able to be seen as intertwined, so I never really understood how people could separate the two if you believe in anything bigger, outside of yourself.)

Anywhooo – I am in the process of trying a few congregations to see what feels best for my needs. Until this point, I haven’t been able to find anything ‘inviting’ per-say, since I moved away from Orange County. Not sure where this urge came from, but I gladly accepted it. This particular service that I went to over the weekend, (and I’m sure God knew) was legit, EXACTLY what I needed to hear. Everything from trusting the Lord, to reverting back to old ways because it’s “comfortable” versus taking yourself out of comfort for something larger.

It was relevant in so many ways about how as humans we are all flawed and don’t naturally love or forgive – we feel hate, revenge, bitterness.. And there was a moment where the pastor said something like, “And that’s why I’m not Jesus”, and some one out there let out an “Amen!” which created some laughter because then the pastor stated, “You didn’t have to say it THAT loud”, lol. I mention this because I am hard on myself, and this was a wonderful reminder that yes, I am not God, I am not Jesus, I am NOT perfect. But being imperfect doesn’t mean you can’t at least try to be better.

I have prayed many-a-time to “not feel”. Yet after this weekend I wonder, why is feeling a flaw?! Most sermons consist of learning to forgive, and to love, and to not judge – because we, as humans, naturally do the opposite when we are hurt, embarrassed, or feel threatened. I realized, maybe I’m a better person than I think I am – I am loyal even to those who are not loyal to me, I make time when someone asks something of me, even if they have not given the same in return. And again, if you look deeper here, yes, this leads me to over-give myself without taking..

But c’mon let’s be real here – is the act of taking really something we see of value? That we are proud of? I would hope not, but I understand the concern of [my people] because there “should” be balance – but seriously, those who tell me I give too much.. each and every one of those people were not there for me at one time or another when I needed them. So what does that say about them? If I listened to the people I care about, I shouldn’t give to them either! Because even the closest, most chosen-family of [my people], are still not there for me when I need them sometimes. Because again, we are human, we are not perfect. And trust me, I still wish I didn’t care as much about anything than I do – but I’ll tell you right now, the people I make myself available for, or give to, feel better than when I’m not available, and I definitely feel good knowing I have helped in some way. So it’s a win-win. To always worry about oneself leads us into those moments where we have to look ourselves in the mirror again. Pain and bitterness, as crazy as it sounds, is easy. To be angry and bitter takes no effort – but to love.. if you’ve loved anything, or anyone, you know this is a daily choice – daily, constant, effort. And this is why people tell me I’m crazy to care because I do exert a lot of energy, never mind time to those I care most about.

In the end, moral of the story of the service this past weekend was making sure you are listening for the whispers of God (listen to what the Universe is telling you!) – this I have a hard time with. The pastor continued with, if you don’t listen to the whispers, God may have to sort-of slap you in the face with the message. Blessing in disguise, if you will (or karma, amiright?!) So this made me see myself, where I am, what I do, and if I was “comfortable”. If I was doing things out of comfort because I am in a stressful moment of my life. Was I reverting back to “old” ways? Was I doing things that weren’t really making me better, but just fulfilling an empty space for now? I stopped caring for a little bit, I did things, and planned things in my brain that brought me back to another time. A time of pain. I tried to expose this “better” side of me – which was a complete lie. But I did book an amazing trip out of it, lol (which now I question if it was the right choice?) This past weekend made me care again. Not gonna lie, I didn’t really like it, lol. But if it is my calling to care, then by all means, I will care. Maybe that’s my life’s tragedy: The girl who cared to much. What were those lyrics by The Band Perry?

“Here lies the girl whose only crutch,
Was loving one man just a little too much”

Now don’t be vain, this song isn’t about you.. Lol – but more so meaning there’s my crutch. I give, and I give. I love, and I love. I give to a lot of people who don’t give back. People I love, people I call family. People who think they give enough to me.. but they don’t. This will always be an imbalance in my life. And if I can accept that of others of whom I know are not perfect, then I truly hope if one of you are reading this, that you understand, I will keep caring, and I will keep giving. And I, too am not perfect. And maybe the rest of you readers are like – damn girl, get some new people in your life! Lol! Trust me, I thought that many times – and honestly, I have made some adjustments along the way.

But for those who may have thought that, if you look around you, none of your people are perfect too. But they are your people. For whatever reason they have stuck by your side through good, bad, ugly, and even nasty. And thats why, even if your circle is small, theres always one other person who picks up pieces when another person drops them. We have these people because there is not one person who can fill every crevice of your heart and life. We have friends, we have family, we have children, and parents.. and even pets. And I am blessed to be the pick-er-upper for my people.

Now, if I could just find the right path for my life, that would be awesome..

 

🙂