Category: inspiration

The Champion Room..

~ NewBeginnings ~ 2 Comments

As I reminisce about my time here in New England I realize, as much excitement as I have in moving away, there are many things that are giving me a heavy heart. I’m sure this happens to many people, thinking about the time you have had, and rethinking your decisions. Now, I am not changing my mind, or even thinking about it.. but in weaker moments, I can definitely find a few things that could possibly bring me back to New England. Maybe a little more than a few, but nonetheless, here is a small list of my memories, loves, and what will be missed. This is my very own adult-senior-year yearbook will 🙂

First and foremost, missing out on Fall makes me cry a little on the inside. The leaves changing, the cool crisp air, apple picking, hoodies and leggings.. (I don’t know if you’ve heard, but in my closet, leggings are pants) It’s strange here in New England, life almost revolves around Fall. We prepare for it all summer, and once it’s here.. all we do is dread winter, and wait for summer again. The Fall has a strange way of making a new beginning. It has a lot to do with school schedules, but there is a strange notion of new things to come. Maybe it’s an idea of the leaves falling, which depicts some sort of ending, and we wait for the new to grow.. Whatever it is, I love it, and miss it already.

Sunrises. I probably don’t need to explain this one, but if you have not seen a sunrise in person, at the beach, you are missing out on one of the most calming, spiritual, and hopeful moments ever. I happen to be blessed as a morning person so I have seen many. What some people don’t realize, however, is living on the East Coast, we are all blessed in that we are able to watch the sun rise in its purest form. Nothing in the way. No trees, no mountains, no buildings.. just the sun. After seeing multiple sunrises, I can definitely say that it is the one simple things we take for granted. It is something we expect to happen without even knowing all its beauty. From a current New Englander who will soon no longer have the opportunity to watch a sunrise over the ocean,  it is one thing I would love to motivate all you other New Englanders to do. At least once in your life, just set your alarm, get up, and experience a sunrise. You can take a nap later.. and honestly, after a sunrise experience.. you wont even care about sleep, you’ll just want breakfast. I promise.

Friends. I grew up in CA and lived there for 13 years. I beat that here, and have lived in New England for 18 years. My first 6 years were very confusing and rather awkward. I did not have many friends.. many acquaintances, but few friends. This probably explains why I have worked hard at keeping the small few I still have. This also explains why I am a huge advocator of meeting new people and making new friends or connections. If you notice in all of my blogs, they discuss people and what people do. People are an important part to life, (obvi – I know you all are thinking it) but especially for someone like myself, personal connections mean the world. It’s the people in your life who help you find jobs, who hold your hair back when you drank too much, who make you laugh. It’s people who make you realize who you want to be and who you don’t. People also make you realize, that like most things, it’s quality, not quantity. I had a low moment right before Labor Day, and for the first time since my break-up I felt lonely. Loneliness for me, is the worst. I cried while driving, that’s the worst! For some reason I could not find solace in my independence and my ability to accept change as a good thing. In my efforts to kick this, I held the plans I had even though I was reconsidering, and although I did not expect to even enjoy myself, I ended up creating the beginning one of the best weeks I’ve had in a long time. I realized how important family actually was to me, or maybe it was just the sense of belonging.. I caught up with an old bestie, who even after a few years, could still share my dreams. I spent time with the people who mean the most to me. The friends I have made here may never compare to the new ones I will potentially make. It is difficult to explain in words how much these people mean to me. They are my family. They have been there through every mistake and bad decision. They have watched me cry.. hysterically.. and they have also made me laugh till my face hurt. Honestly, if I had to deal with myself, I wouldn’t be friends with me. That alone makes my friends better people than I am.

Because of my friends, I realized a lot of things in the past week. I realized how much I actually love this place of snow and changing leaves, and amazing sports teams.. I realized that New England has been my second home although many times I felt I was just visiting. And I realized that even though I may only have a month left.. (OMG a MONTH) I will not stop making memories. I will only make more. I will absorb every inside joke, rekindle every flame, light new ones, and make even more inside jokes. (and for those reading who understand, I don’t care what you say, my mind said champagne room, and my mouth clearly had too much wine in it!!)

I will take every day as it comes, because I learned this past weekend that I could pull out of the driveway, and BAM. And really, as we know, if you wanna make God laugh, tell him your plans. So I no longer have any. I will head west with my dreams, and take everyday as it is meant for me. Meredith said it best in Greys Anatomy:

“We’ve all heard the proverbs, heard the philosophers, heard our grandparents warning us about wasted time, heard the damn poets urging us to ‘seize the day’. Still sometimes we have to see for ourselves. We have to make our own mistakes. We have to learn our own lessons. We have to sweep today’s possibility under tomorrow’s rug until we can’t anymore, until we finally understand for ourselves like Benjamin Franklin meant. That knowing is better than wondering, that waking is better than sleeping. And that even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.”

So I will try, and see what happens. And no matter what, after realizing what I have, no matter how small it may feel, I will always have about 5 things to come back to New England to 🙂 No matter how long I stay in CA, even if it becomes ‘forever’ I realize now, I will always have two places to call home.

Just like heading off to college, I will make new memories, have new experiences, and probably create new dreams. Although, I do hope I don’t make nearly as many bad decisions as I did in college.. I will get home sick, I will hope my mom sends me care packages, and I will always be Celtics fan 🙂 I love you New England and I thank you for the changing of the seasons, the sunrises, and all the amazing people you gave me. Here’s to new adventures!

“After all, things change, so do cities, people come into your life and they go. But it’s comforting to know that the ones you love are always in your heart… and if you’re very lucky, a plane ride away” -Carrie – Sex & the City

hello there, it’s nice to see me again.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 12 Comments

I am back. In more ways than one.

I took a mini hiatus from my blog. And although I was not nearly as generous in explanation as fellow blogger and writing superstar Jodi Ambrose was when she took a little break, 😉 I, myself was in hiding nonetheless. A lot has ensued over the past week or two.. or three even, and I have many drafts floating around that now make no sense to me. I was having a personal struggle, one that only few people knew about. This struggle of mine, has also brought ME back.

I was waiting and waiting to write a new post. Racking my brain on how and what I was going to say or explain about my situation. I had a lot of “I’ve become that person I criticize” moments. So many times did I want to spew out all my issues and try to release all the stresses building up. But honestly, not everyone needs to know my issues, not in specifics at least, and it was probably better that way. If I had blogged about it, the outcome would probably have been different. I would have felt that in expressing my emotions, it was enough to calm me down, and in the end I would not have pulled myself out of my hole.  As I have said many a time, my life is not terrible, and this situation is no different. There are plenty of worldly problems, cancers, diseases, and pain that take up people’s lives. For me, it was just a small moment of identity loss. But if this has ever happened to you, losing yourself is worse than losing your car keys.

For a few years, I was living a life that was rational and made sense. I had a great relationship, a job that pays bills, and amazing friends. Unfortunately, in all the rationality and sense that was being made, I was digging myself into a hole of self-doubt. I took a job I don’t like, and I gave up on myself and what made me happy. I was too busy focusing on making someone else happy. It’s no ones fault but my own, and knowing that was eating at me. Starting this blog was the beginning of me breaking free again, stepping outside the comfortable. My creative juices started to flow.. and I started to divulge into what was inside me. I thought about volleyball, I thought about coaching. I thought about martinis and running, and little black dresses. I thought about my family A LOT. I thought about home. I thought about my eccentricities that most people don’t understand with me, but that my friends love about me. I thought about being Posh. I thought about the expectations my parents had for me, and then I realized, my parents just expected me to be happy, and it was ME who was not living up to my OWN expectations.

I kept myself in a safe place. I moved along with societal expectations, got involved in “normal” to-do’s. My friends were starting to get married and they are now starting to have babies. The questions started popping up towards me, “So Kara, when will you.. ” So many times have I had to explain to people that marriage and kids, and houses and white picket fences, are not for me. This is hard for people to understand. Is it bad that I have a sense of ‘pride’ in being alone, single? And I’m not talking about being available here, but independent. The moment I realized I was not doing things for myself anymore, but rather for someone else, I started crumbling. The arguments of settling down and selfishness I know are out there, but if I don’t feel like I can stand on my own, how am I supposed to stand next to someone.. without them holding me up?

I’ve always had a stubborn independence in me. Call me crazy, but I’ve always seen myself in a ‘Melrose Place’ sort of complex, with a shared pool, meeting all my neighbors and having cocktails on our balconies. And when I retire, I see myself in FL with a whole lot of old people in a community having wine everyday at noon. Aside from all the alcohol, I see myself surrounded by people and being a part of a community. Like I mentioned, I don’t want to be alone, I just want to be me. I see myself visiting my nieces and nephews, seeing them on holidays, and being a role model. I see myself being successful at being unconventional. I see myself becoming a writer, a coach, a volleyball player again (most likely in an old people league, but playing nonetheless!). I see myself living by the ocean, making an impact to society, and changing people’s lives. I may not be able to change the world, but I can be the one positive influence in someone’s life that may change their perspective. Call me a dreamer, but I see these things.

I’ve always seen these things. Yet for some reason, I held them back the last few years. This past week however, after a text to a friend and a prayer, something happened. Those who know me will call it fate, but I had one of those “sometimes the-hardest-thing-and-the-right-thing-are-the-same-thing” moments. My mind was reeling, I could barely eat, my stress was through the roof, and I was making myself sick. But finally, after all the internal aching, it is over. I am free. I am ME.

I am not feeling good by any means where I am right now.. I feel like I lost my best friend. Yesterday was a miserable day. But now there is freedom to follow dreams and accomplish goals. Freedom to do better. Everyday that goes by is another new beginning. It will be hard, it IS hard, it will take time, and it will completely SUCK. But like all things, it will get better. I have to keep reminding myself of what I want.. That “life begins at the end of your comfort zone..”  and I can’t wait to get uncomfortable.

“It’s time to begin, isn’t it?
I get a little bit bigger, but then I’ll admit
I’m just the same as I was
Now don’t you understand
That I’m never changing who I am” ~Imagine Dragons

today.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 4 Comments

Today is kind of a tough day.

It’s a day where I look back, and as cheese (my version of ‘cheesy’) as many of my posts are, I realize they are all true. As much as we want to live the way we watch it on television, read it, or quote it, it takes days like today where we question why we don’t actually live that way.

I found out that an old high school friend passed away yesterday. She was only 30yrs old and lost her fight with cancer. When I say old friend, I just want to clarify that we were friends in high school, but we haven’t talked since. In more recent years, she found me on Facebook, and we “kept in touch” via the internet. I didn’t know much about her after high school other than what I saw from Facebook.  I know she got married a few years ago and has three kids. We were not close, but when I read the news, I was back in high school. I was thinking.. imagine if we knew then how much time we had left.

My freshman year I lost a friend in a car accident. During that time I also wondered the same thing. My friends and I, and the whole town really, talked and talked about ‘how fragile life is’. Trying to keep this idea in the forefront of our minds.

And now, I am confronting these same emotions. Going into your 30s, the ideas of ‘threats’ like cancer, become more apparent in everyday life. Yet, (especially in this day-in-age where studies show we are living longer lives) we act as though we will live forever. Whether its 30 or 95, our time will come and it will still feel ‘too soon’ because there will always be a tomorrow that we don’t see.

I have posted before about regrets of the elderly before they passed and to not make the same mistakes. I have also posted about what this life has in store for us and the possibility of why things happen. I write and write, and people read and agree. Yet it takes a life lost before it hits home. It is hitting me especially hard because there are so many things I want to do before the Lord calls my name. I only pray that I have the time to do it all and make the impact on this life that I feel I’m supposed to. And when that time comes, I will continue to pray in hopes I am able to see the outcome of my positive (hopefully!) contribution I make on this world. I don’t know what this old friend of mine had planned in her life. I don’t know if she felt it was her time. As I mentioned before, I don’t know much, but what I do know, is that there is a family mourning a loss, and a ‘girl’ I talked to in the hallways and sang with in choir who lost a battle. I pray that the family finds peace.

I apologize if I have dampened the day. I did not share this to create sadness, but more as a reminder of, not only my posts, but of all those who share the same idea. Live today and don’t expect tomorrow, follow your dreams, tell people you love them. Make decisions and own them. Learn something new everyday. Make a difference even if its a small one. Have no regrets. Be thankful for everyday..

I can keep going, but you get the idea. If there is one more thing to say to finish off this post, it’s to remember ALL the cliches and keep them where you can see them.. Loss should not be the only reminder of life, today should be.

Laguna Beach.. A life lesson?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

So, I watched a mini marathon of Laguna Beach today. I know you’re jealous 😉 Season 2 was on, which was fantastic, because its my favorite of the 3 seasons. And for the sake of my wild fan-isms, can I just get a show of hands of Lauren Conrad fans?! I absolutely love her, where she comes from, and what she has done for herself.. amazing fashionista, she is.

While the finale was closing up, it got me to thinking about a few things: high school, college, and California. It took me back to a place where the world was in front of me and anything was possible. I don’t mean to relate this to my last post, but I thought about my life choices.. and where I was when ‘LC’ and Stephen graduated from Laguna High School. I was 24. I was probably making bad decisions. And this is where I guess the connection from my last post comes in.

I look at my life now, and really, its not all that bad. I have a job I don’t like, but its a job nonetheless.. my bills gets paid, I have no debt, I eat everyday. I have a gym membership I don’t us as often as I should, I have cable (score!), and I have amazing friends who double as my family. Honestly, they are the shining stars in my life. AND, as simple as it may sound, I have LIFE. I am alive, and I am healthy.

After the credits started to roll, and I was wondering when the next marathon would be on, I starting saying to myself.. “I have so many regrets…no, not regrets, but I definitely didn’t make the choices I thought I would make when I was younger. If I just didn’t…” And that’s where I consciously stopped myself. I was about to blame this “normal” life I had, on something. I was about to blame it on getting married. I was married in June of 2001. I was 20, and 6 months later, right before my 21st birthday, I was legally separated. Then, divorced by August. Within a year, I had been married, filed lots of paper work, fought over a measly $1,000, changed my name twice, and was single again before I knew it. I wouldn’t call it traumatizing, but it was definitely a huge emotional strain I never planned to have by my 21st birthday. The relationship was sour from the start and, blame it on being young, but I knew and wanted to end that relationship before that wedding.. and maybe its that decision that I regret so much. I blame myself. for making bad decisions.

That got me to thinking.. these choices we make, we have to live with them.. take ownership of them, and hopefully learn from them. So why do we make bad ones? Is that the learning part? Like I was saying before, I don’t have a terrible life by any means. And all the “bad” decisions got me here, maybe with nothing more than amazing friends, but if thats the one ‘amazing’ thing I get out of all this, I’ll take it. That being the case, why am I not happy where I am in this ‘normal’ life? Why do I just keep going day by day.. feeling like I am missing out on something? Why am I not making a change? What choices led me here? Mind you, I’m not looking to become famous, or even important. I would however, like my blog to do well 🙂 But other than that, I’m not looking for a grand, fancy lifestyle. I just want what is waiting for me. I have an itch that leads me to believe I have a greater purpose than to sell bras and undies and to sit at home and watch “House Hunters”. I don’t even WANT to buy a house! More recently have I been feeling that ache, like something needs to happen. Something abnormal? But I keep feeling like I’m passing things by, even little things. I keep kicking myself for not going to the gym. Everyday I’m on the edge, I choose not to go. I make excuses. I wanted to submit my 1min audition to be Co-Host for the day on “Live! with Kelly”. See?! That could have been my chance! But again, excuses. Maybe too, because I don’t seem to do as well as I thought thinking on my feet. I’ve noticed I do much better after having thought about something. Comebacks for example, give me a day or two and I have a mean comeback on any comment. Another example is my writing. My blogs that get more feedback are better than others because I review them and I edit. Maybe this long thought process is reason for my lack of decision making. Laguna Beach reminded me of that. Or at least the idea of California did. I have been wanting to move back to California since the day my plane landed in Boston. That was 18 years ago. Gross. I hate doing life math. I was 13 and my parents are divorced, so it was my time to move out to live with my mother on the opposite coast of where I was born and raised. High School went by and I finally had a chance to go back. I looked at the University of California, San Diego. But I also wanted to play volleyball. I had been playing since I was 9 and like any child athlete, I wanted to go to the olympics. Obvi. Therefore, I HAD to play in college. The only school who looked at me, however, was NOT in CA. So where did I go? To a state school south of Boston. And what happened my freshman year? I quit because my then fiancé told me it was hindering our relationship.. and then what happened after that? Oh yah we got married and divorced in one year. During all that, I transferred to a private college in NH and played my junior and senior year. What was wrong with me?! Who let me make these bad decisions?! Oh right, I did. Why did no one at least slap me?! A better question I constantly asked myself back then was, “Why didn’t I at least try, be a walk-on.. take a chance.” When did I become weak?!

As we divulge into a small portion of my personal life, I bring it back to me watching all the hopefulness of the future via a Laguna Beach season finale of graduation, going off to college, saying goodbye to childhood friends, and making a fresh start. Old feelings suddenly came back to bite me in the ass. Because really, I’m old enough now where I can move if I want. I have a whole colony of Liwanag’s out west to help me, support me, and take me in with open arms. I won’t have to cry every time I leave LAX anymore, my brother will only be a 2 hour plane ride vs the 5-6hr flight I do now. (He’s in the army, and stationed outside Seattle) In total, I have 5 nieces, one of which I haven’t even met yet, and 2 nephews, one who I also haven’t met yet. And maybe thats what I feel I’m missing out on? Family.. being a part of their lives. I have never had the desire to have children myself, so being away from my family of children must be starting to take a toll.

That being the case, why have I not gone back yet?! Why have I continued to make mediocre decisions everyday? I’ve been making excuses for 18 years. What will it take for me to finally decide to move back home? Money? Maybe. A job lined up? Another maybe. A good friend said it like this to me, (not verbatim) ” Maybe something inside you is not ready to make that decision. Decisions happen when its time to make them.” So is it timing then? What about that saying.. ‘The time is NOW’?

I’m sure there is scientific rational for all my questions, and more than that, probably lots of spiritual rational. Even so, I’m still here, in a city outside of Boston wondering when I’ll be strong enough to make the leap. I don’t even know why this decision is so difficult. Maybe I should go to the gym more often.

On a side note: Happy Birthday to my niece Lydia! Love you! She’s a whopping 6yrs old today 🙂

(OMG is it bad I totally teared up writing that!)

didn’t your mother ever teach you that pointing is bad?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

DISCLAIMER: May become slightly spiritual or largely philosophical, or both. Or possibly neither, hope you enjoy it anyway!

I feel like I learn something new everyday.

Whether it’s something interesting, such as, “What differentiates a ‘college’ vs a ‘university’? Or even “What does being a ‘tenured’ teacher mean?” And sometimes, I learn useless things like, “Miley got engaged!” Or, “What?! Chris Hemsworth is married with child!?” Oh social media and smart people.. {sigh} teaching me little snip-its of life, one crazy or important thing at a time.

Point here is I learned something again. This time, it was a week long process.. mainly because I ran into a few people who made me question humanity.

Not to brag, but I know a LOT of people. (HAHAHA I laughed out loud typing that) But really. I know people I grew up with, I know people I went to high school with, and those I went to college with. I also know lots of people I have worked with. I even know celebrities. I mean, I don’t KNOW them, but I know what I know from media and wikipedia.

Of these people, many have inspired me, motivated me, helped me, made me laugh, and some even love me 🙂 Of all these people though, there is a defining factor on who I keep by my side, while others just continue on in my life as bits and pieces. Its always one question I ask myself. In true Carrie Bradshaw form: “When it comes to relationships..”  Umm no, I meant to say “Do you point the finger at yourself?”

People who take ownership for what comes their way, good or bad, are people I keep close. We all make mistakes, but it is always us who make that decision on how to act upon it. A friend posted on twitter “Strong people make as many mistakes as weak ones do. But the strong ones admit their mistakes, laugh about it & learn from it.” Life isn’t easy. And all these people I know have a story. Now, I’m not going to divulge into sad stories of my own childhood or life because, really, I don’t consider it to be that awful. However, many people, after learning some information, may think it was. I had a conversation with a lovely friend of mine about this, and about how people persevere through bad situations. In this conversation, to give an example, I pulled the Oprah card. Oprah (a celebrity, that I can say, I’m not the only one who knows her 😉 ) had a terrible childhood. It’s known about her struggles, rape, abortion, and so forth. But it is also known about how she made a decision that if there was nothing left, she at least had herself. And it was OPRAH, who made herself into what she is today.

I love the Oprah card because, although her situation is a little extreme, she is a great example of what I learned: that everyone has a Choice. A choice to make your life what you want it and stop blaming others and society. I’m not saying to place ‘blame’ on yourself, but more ownership on what you choose your life to become. Oprah could have become a statistic, saying her childhood was a failure, the people who abused her ruined her life. No. Instead she woke up one day taking ownership for things that have happened. You think she would say, “oh yah that rape made me famous.”? “Those people who thought I was nothing, yah they helped get me my first job.”? Doubt it. Oprah herself made her what she has become. Instead of placing blame on her environment, she made a choice to become better than that.

One of the greatest gifts we have from God is the ABILITY to make CHOICES. Not only did God allow us the choice to follow HIM or not, we also choose to take a shower, to be angry, to go to the gym. With anything in life (and I try to remind myself of this often) there are always better situations, but we always forget that there are worse. Whatever you believe, especially in regards to ‘fate’, we may have a destination, but it’s our choice in what that journey will look like. I apparently like the mountainous route.

I know we have all heard this story before. Choice. And I know sometimes certain choices are fairly non-negotiable like going to work; but it is still a choice. What we have in front of us now did not just happen today, yesterday, or last month even. It began with a series of choices we allowed ourselves from the moment we were presented with that gift. And trust me. Its not easy to look in the mirror and think, “hmmm you there, are YOU my problem?” It’s easy to play the blame game and point fingers.. “my health” ..”my job” ..”Johnny didn’t help me.” All these things, health especially, are life-long decisions. We know some people have it easier than others, but it’s still a choice of how you treat your body and what you put into it.

I have a hard time understanding these types of people who feel that life owes them something. Why choose to depend on society? Why be dependent on those around you? Even family, friends.. because even the closest will not be there forever. There comes a time in your life when you are able to formulate ideas, thoughts, decisions, all by yourself. So why give that up an depend on others for those decisions? Why allow others to hold YOUR FATE?

We don’t have to subject ourself to others’ responsibility. It’s a choice to see the things you can do for yourself. Because when you get to those pearly gates, its just you. And you might only have thumbs left.

keep your eyes on the prize..

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

hello friends!

Today, like many days, I realize something new. My realization today was nothing really profound, just another pat on the back, and Glee-like motivation to continue to reach beyond what is in front of me. If you get a moment, and you are open to reading about life and matters of faith, please read this Blog:  http://wp.me/p2hYeU-9i and you may see what I’m talking about.

This Blog, as Religious as it may seem, has taught me a few things. Honestly, I first started following AdoptingJames, not because I knew what they were blogging about, but because they followed me. I find that its respectful to follow bloggers who follow me, so long as I can relate. After further reading the blog, however, I learned so many new ways of looking at things. I have found strength in everyday obstacles and learned not be afraid of talking about my faith.

The reason why I’m talking about this particular blog post is because, 1: you’ll see a quote below that I extracted that I want to chat about, and 2: really, I just wanted to share with my friends because I know I’m not the only one feeling like this right now. No matter what religion you are, or what faith you carry, I feel like this message can be understood by all. Here is the excerpt:

“May we never take our eyes off of what’s to come, because when you’re pulled down by the mundane babblings of the cashier working next to you, you can offer a word of encouragement that something better is outside that retail store. Keep your eyes fixed on Heaven, and you won’t be able to help but speak about it with everyone you know. God knows that you’re not happy where you are (and sorry Mr. Olstene, but God isn’t concerned about our best life now), but He knows that there is a greater Life waiting for you on the other side of this world, and we should all be living for it each moment” -http://adoptingjames.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/fix-your-eyes-above/

This excerpt was towards the end of the post, but the post itself talks about feeling STUCK in a situation. its a good read I tell you. The reason why this portion of the post really hit me was because, if you know what I do for a living, the “babblings of the cashier working next to you” happens EVERYDAY! The other reason, more importantly, that hit me was the continuing line “you can offer a word of encouragement that something better is outside that retail store”

I do that everyday. I am the cheerleader at work. I’m a supporter, a friend, a motivator. Not to totally brag about myself, 🙂 but I have stopped people from quitting out of mere explanation of what they mean to me at work. Not only what they mean to me, but what they mean to this job, and what they are capable of doing. This job may not be what we do forever, but it is our job to learn from it and create experiences to help us further. Aside from work, I also help the people I work with understand that learning from your mistakes is not always the best way, but learning from OTHERS mistakes sometimes is more effective. In what I do for work, there comes a point where you do feel “stuck” so it is so coincidental that this blog popped up today when my co-worker and I had this EXACT conversation yesterday! We feel stuck, “comfortable” in other words, and feel like there is no way out. Its easy to stay where you are, no effort, no challenge. A wonderful friend of mine posted on FB one day “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone”. I felt then as I do now, that if we all think that way, we will never become stagnant.

This blog post, talks about stepping out and reaching higher. Looking ahead and looking for support from others. I know not everyone who reads this post will correlate Heaven with what is out there for them, but the message of knowing that we can be stronger than those that keep us down is marvelous. There IS more to this life.  Ive always had this strange feeling that the minute I’m not searching for something, life is over. Not necessarily, OVER, over, but I question, have I done EVERYTHING I can?! I mean, even in my own life, there are many people who think my dreams and aspirations are silly, but I keep trying, and finding more clever ways to get there. Because for me, I DO believe God has a greater plan for me. I feel as though I am meant to help people in a non-traditional way. I am a great mentor to many, and knowing that even if I helped only one person this whole time, its one person more than if I didn’t try at all. And sure, we all get STUCK at some point, heck, I AM stuck right now! But knowing there is a way out should be motivation enough to keep your head up and eyes focused.

As far as work and life is concerned, I plan to continue to be that cheerleader for those who are stuck. As I mentioned, I am also stuck.  Many who know me, know that. And honestly, always being the motivator sometimes leads me forget to motivate myself. The things I read in this post.. I have found myself saying to people! Strangely, however, why have I stopped saying them to myself?!  This post, couldn’t have shown up in my inbox at a better time.

Again, if you have the time to read it, I definitely recommend it. If not, you’ll be hearing about it from me anyway 🙂 And I know I’m promoting a blog right now, but don’t forget to keep reading mine! 🙂

http://adoptingjames.wordpress.com/2012/05/16/fix-your-eyes-above/

Are We Learning Anything?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

‘ello friends!

I’ve been slacking the past 2 1/2 months and i apologize. however, i did go on vacation for part of this hiatus.. does that count as not being lazy?

Speaking of.. laziness that is, as part of my Lent challenge (as i like to call it) i gave up being lazy and have embarked on a journey of physical activity three times a week. Now, for those of you who are active already, i know this 3day-a-week idea sounds like peanuts. I used to think that myself, back when i was one of you. But for the past 4 years, not only have i gained 20lbs (I’m only 5’1″) i have also fallen into a lifestyle of lazy. I stopped playing volleyball, i stopped coaching, i stopped going to the gym.. every aspect of movement, for some reason faded into the background. and let me tell you, that makes me sad.

Sad, not only because i went up two pant sizes and for some reason was OK with it, but sad because i let a huge part of me go, and for a reason i can’t explain. I had been playing volleyball since i was in 5th grade. Growing up in CA this was not rare, but even after moving to New England where it was scarce, i still found clubs, and HS teams, and even more excitingly, a college team to play for. Never mind the sport, i loved the training. I loved the fact that i could run farther and squat more weight then most people i knew. I loved being able to run 5miles without stopping.. i can barely make it 1mi now. I loved that sore feeling in your legs that makes you walk down a flight of stairs sideways, or you’d fall over. I loved proving i could play. Like i said, I’m only 5’1″.. 5’2″ on a good day, so i obviously was never in the front row making wild spikes or game-saving blocks. Positions where i did play, my goal was to dominate. And even though i knew the likely-hood of playing in the front row was rare, i still worked on my vertical, my setting, my arm swing, and my technique. Because the three seconds that i might be at the net, i wanted to at least make an impact. I just loved working out and making myself better even if it meant nothing to everyone else. I honestly love a challenge (hence calling it the Lent Challenge)

And now.. after 4 years of pity, i woke up and found the perfect way back. I might not jump on a volleyball team tomorrow (since i can barely run a mile without stopping right now) but i am actively looking for opportunities hopefully this summer.

And as I’ve mentioned, Lent is a huge part of  getting me get to my goal. several of you are probably asking.. “why Lent?” well because, every year i take Lent very seriously. Many people are always slightly surprised to know how disciplined i am when it comes to Lent. I get a lot of “I never thought of you as the Religious type” I always try and explain, that you don’t have to be Religious, per say, to follow Lent, just determined to change your lifestyle and disciplined enough to recognize what you NEED vs what you WANT. Believe me, I’m not very good at going to church, nor I am I good at reading the Bible, but I am good at believing. I am also pretty good at finding spiritual guidance and trying to be a better person. I like to think most of us are like that. Most of us have a sense of spirituality and of a ‘higher power,’ mine is God, but i feel like the book “Eat Pray Love” explained it best, so ill just leave that to Elizabeth Gilbert.

i am clearly digressing. back on my point of Lent. in lament terms, i have here a definition via Wikipedia:

“The traditional purpose of Lent is the penitential preparation of the believer—through prayer, penance, repentance, almsgiving, and self-denial. Its institutional purpose is heightened in the annual commemoration of Holy Week, marking the Death and Resurrection of Jesus, which recalls the events of the Passion of Christ on Good Friday, which then culminates in the celebration on Easter Sunday of the Resurrection of Jesus Christ.

During Lent, many of the faithful commit to fasting or giving up certain types of luxury as a form of penitence.”

Luxury. I love that term. It brings me back to my point of NEED vs WANT. Last year i gave up bread for Lent. Now THAT was difficult. Mind you bread, i understand, is not a luxury, but it is definitely something we take for granted in every day eating. Bread is in EVERYTHING! From basic bread and butter/oil at a restaurant, down to pizza and pancakes! Even muffins! All these things are made from the same ingredients as “bread” therefore they are bread products. And i know you all think I’m crazy, and all my friends thought i was crazy last year, but think about it.. we totally take that little piece of food for granted!

It really made me realize what there are a lot of things we take for granted. I know people who give up chocolate, chips, coffee, and basic items that we don’t realize we have everyday. So once they have these items again, its like “OMG I’m never taking you for granted again!” I also know people who try and give up harder items like smoking, which is a lifestyle and habit change. That kind of change is what i am looking for. To change bad habits into better ones. To make a lifestyle change and become the healthy person i once was. Every year it is a learning experience. Seeing what I NEED, what I WANT, and what makes me a better people.

I know many people who don’t make it through the first week of Lent because it is not easy. Like i mentioned before, it involves discipline, which is probably why i enjoy this time of year, because it is like sports.. you have to follow guidelines to be successful. its another challenge in my year. And not to sound completely deep or whatever, but being lazy is a luxury. Not having to work. Sleeping all day just because. Its easy. Literally there is no work involved. None. And i know this type of “giving up” is fairly interpretive, and going back to the gym is more of a starting habit, not so much a sacrifice. However, like giving up smoking, its making a change in my lifestyle. Part of Lent is giving up a Luxury, and right now, i no longer have the luxury to go straight home after work and sit on my butt and watch tv. I no longer have the luxury to sleep in on my late days or stay in bed till 12p “just because i can”. It makes me more productive. And if there is anything i learn during this year’s Lent, (other than never stop doing what i love again!) its that being more productive allows me to take in more of my day, which as many of my past blogs discuss, we don’t know how many days we have left.

So for those who are following Lent this year try and make it worth it. Its like your birthday, it only passes once a year, and not celebrating is unheard of. Also like birthdays, you learn something every year. Think of Lent like Life’s Birthday. And really, if you think about it Lent brings us to Easter, which signifies Jesus rising from the dead, which kind of IS like life’s Birthday 🙂 It allows you to celebrate your successes and challenge yourself. It also allows you the ability to make a change in your life.

why hello there 2012.. lets not go so fast this time..

~ NewBeginnings ~ 1 Comment

note: new year, new blog! I had a lot of trouble with my last blog, so I now have WordPress. So for the 5 or 7 of you 😉 who follow me, I hope you can continue to follow me here! I am in the process of moving over my older blogs.. hopefully I can catch on quick and get everything in order.

On another note, I’m seriously slacking on this blogging thing.. holiday season has a different meaning where I work.. it’s called: no life. But now that I, and those who worked hard with me, have survived.. I’m back in action!

Now on to the post..

If I could get even just a penny for every time someone says how fast this year went, I’d  able to blog for a job. All I want to do is remind these people that they say that EVERY year. Mind you, I am also victim to this fascination of how “fast” time is, but I caught myself this year.. which is why I want to discuss it.

As every new year passes we wonder where it all went.. and we try to keep new resolutions. Just as fast as we break those resolutions, we blink and start asking for spring, summer, that vacation we planned, the semester to end,  and even Christmas again.

We all go back to work after the holiday season and can’t wait till 5p hits, or 6p or whatever time we need to be “free” again. And nevermind the workdays, we also have the weekends.. we get to Sunday, and then Monday comes, and we are already pushing for the next weekend. We keep looking to tomorrow.

WE are what’s making time go by so fast.

Have we ever thought about that?! I know there are several sayings about taking it a day at a time, and so on.. but do we actually pay attention to them?

I mean what if we actually DID savor every minute of every day.. every moment.. would the year seem so fast then? I know work seems longer.. but would a ‘longer’ YEAR be so bad?

Heck.. I would still be savoring turning 30, not being worried about turning 31.

Which comes to my partial New Years resolution..

Really and Truly take every minute, every moment, every day.. and  s a v o r  it.

We constantly forget that there may not be a ‘tomorrow’ for us. We forget that the wedding day can’t come without today, and that summer can’t come without spring first.

Lets not forget this 2012 – that Today makes Tomorrow.

With all the Mayan predictions, we may not even have a 2013. And if we survive yet another apocalypse, wouldn’t it be nice to celebrate another new year thinking,  finally! We made it! And be thankful for it? Rather than asking what happened in this blur called 2012?

We need to stop waiting for the day to end, because no matter your beliefs, that’s another day less that we have here. We need to not ‘wait’ for our vacation, but instead enjoy this time before hand to remind ourselves why we are taking it in the first place.

We need to stop being sad that summer is over and be happy that we were able to simply experience it.. and be more excited that we are able to experience fall..

Lets not make this year go too fast. Enjoy now. Stop staring at the clock. There could be a car accident in your future.. do you really want to rush to get there? I know I don’t.

Share with me this New Year of TODAY, and cherish now what you may not have Tomorrow.

Cheers!

to live, or not to live.. is that really a question?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

so, if i can just start this blog with saying.. since ive purchased my iphone, i have not looked at a computer screen.. yes, its been about a month. typing is much easier on here! ha!

anywhoo.. on to my interesting thoughts..
so help me out here blogworld.. readers of blogs.. people. im sure there are many of you who have gone through this, or are going through this etc.. but really.. this question has been racking in my little head for months now.. and its possibly giving me an ulcer (thanks gabby!) but out there in this confusing life of belief, religion, and fate.. how do we know what we’re supposed to be doing?!
i mean i know.. the lady gaga’s and gahndi’s, and abraham lincoln’s of our day found their way to become great influences in our society.. no matter how spiritual, political.. or odd. and for all the optimists out there, i know i, and you, can also become one of those greats.. we can. but are we SUPPOSED to? what is that thing we are SUPPOSED to do?!
for me, i feel like everyday i have an inner challenge knowing i have not fulfilled what i am supposed to be doing here on this lovely planet. since childhood, i always felt as though i would do something that would change lives.. make a difference on this worlds outlook.. give people the ability to see this gorgeous world in a different way. not my way necessarily, but just in a new way. i still have that feeling that whether it be fame or a peace prize, or even a novel, i feel i am supposed to reach out.
but then i think.. i have been a coach, a teacher, and a mentor at times, in almost all the jobs i have had.. from retail, to coaching, to finance and marketing. many of those who have been coached by me or have worked under me, have expressed how i have made a difference in their lives.. some big, some small, some, well, are more for comic relief. 🙂 so here i come back to my mighty goal in life thats itching away at me.. am i already doing what i think im meant for? or is there still a bigger connection out there?
i guess in simpler terms.. what is it to settle? i mean, we all have wants.. my mother always said to me “its always nice to WANT things” and i get what she was saying.. we have NEEDS. like food, water, air to breathe. a roof over our head. but taking away material things.. what is it about those WANTS that we have? they are urges that point us into a certain direction to motivate, try new things, to get us to this goal. speaking of trying new things.. i hope you all are still doing something everyday that scares you!
and lets remember, not all WANTS are bad. however, again.. this settling idea. someone WANTS to go back to school.. but this person puts other things ahead of that. like marriage, kids, maybe just a job, or just basic family and friends.  but this person keeps getting these urges to learn something new.. embrace new idea, get a better job. but there are these basics, that many feel are more important, that keep holding this person back.. leaving this urge.. for “maybe later” or even questioning the importance of personal goals and dreams.
[note. there is this amazing little book a friend got for me called “How to Live in Flip Flops” by Sandy Gringas. everyone should read it. it has a little part on personal dreams and goals.. and making time for yourself. even if its a little at a time]
but when does this urge become too much? is that when you finally lose your mind and tell everyone to ‘back off! this is what I WANT!” why does it come down to that? where is the balance. many will read this and go back to what my mother said.. “its always nice to WANT things” ..this “you cant have it all” idea. but maybe we’re not looking to have it all. we’re just looking to to follow an urge.. continue on a path to what we’re possibly SUPPOSED to do.
because really.. one person’s choice, as we know, may not be fit for others. some of you who have chosen family over career can argue till you turn blue over the pros and cons with the person who chose career over family. as some of you know, i was not fit to be a young bride. however, one of my best friends is still going strong.. 9 years later. so how do we figure this out? whats best for us? just keep hacking away till something seems right? thats a lot of mistakes i dont have the energy to make. i clearly thought getting married was a good idea when, it more clearly WASNT for me. so how do we know now what are good choices? aside from the obvious, dont steal, be nice, stop at stop lights.. when choices start looking grey.. how do we make them color?!
when is that “aha” moment, that push.. again, you optimists are saying “NOW” oh i hear ya! but the realist in me is asking.. like “now, now” or like “now, in a few weeks.. when all my weddings are over this summer, or when i make it through one last holiday at this job.
my realism and optimism keep fighting.. my settling nature keeps telling me that “if it aint broke, dont fix it” where as my passionate side is yelling” if you dont do it now, youll never do it!” and can i live with that? or is that even living at all? settling on what you have because its nice on the outside?
..or breaking out a little because it feels better on the inside?

just a thought.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

so, ive been racking my brain on what to write about next.. honestly, with all the random things in my head recently, many of you would have unsubscribed by now if i had just thrown those thoughts down. however, just when i sit down to write about something i find interesting or meaningful.. twitter, yes twitter, enlightened me.

i saw a post from a friend of mine with a link http://is.gd/h9mubb and this link led me to a page written by a nurse who explained the 5 most common regrets people have when they are dying. i know, sorry to put this thought in all your heads, but it gets better. WE, who are reading this, (and others you might make read this), WE can still live the life we wont regret. of the 5, two stick out to me. mainly because the other three i feel like im able to do on a daily basis (many know that i do NOT work too hard! :))

but these two, especially the number one regret, really hit home.

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

i see these two regrets as kind of a circle, so i was surprised to see one at the top and the other at the bottom. but that #1.. took my breath away, really. i still read it and get a feeling that i just wanna run off and change the world in all the crazy, wild ways i can think of. of course we will all interpret these regrets a little differently but really, i know SO MANY PEOPLE! who are living just based on expectations. and let me tell you, i will be showing this to them! 🙂

and of course, i myself fall into a struggle of living based on expectation and what is true to me. and again, it will be different for all, but i feel as though one of these expectations everyone tries to follow is relationships. for me and many of my friends, young and old, relationships take over everyones lives. and many times, we dont follow those instincts based on what we are looking for, we first try and follow the expectations of others. (go to school, get a job, get married, have kids.) and if and when this relationship fails, we feel as though we have failed. but really, do we ever sit down and think about it? were we actually happy? or were we just comfortable. were we even ready to start dating? or did we do it because everyone else thought it was a good idea to get me out of the house?! i mean i know some wonderful people in wonderful relationships, and those that are amazing, you can just feel the energy radiating off these people. not because they were lucky, but because they took the time to find out what really matters to them and did not compromise based on what society or family and friends thought. and really, what if you never went to school? are you disqualified in life?! what if you dont even like your job?! are you still “better” than your neighbors because at least youre getting paid more?!

this brings me to #5. these people are genuinely happy. those wild people out there who thought college was for crazy people and decided to save tsunami victims instead, the 40 yr old who decided that now is a good time to start a family because they finally know who they are themselves, or even Elizabeth Gilbert, who wrote Eat, Pray, Love, to wake up at 30, with a family and what most would think an amazing life, and figure out that there is something out there calling to her. these people, who overstep the boundary a little, or a lot, are able to see beyond  expectation. these people allowed themselves to be happy. read that again. ALLOWED themselves. Right. they didnt wait for it to happen, they made it happen. just like #5 reads: i wish i had LET MYSELF.. let myself.. you can let yourself be happy. its you that makes it happen. not anyone else, or anything. i know for a lot of people, youre thinking, yah ive heard that before. well then, if thats the case, youre being lazy! happiness is what you make of it. like i said in a previous blog. do something every day that scares you. you will find new things about yourself and others. maybe you will break an expectation.

and i know in our lives right now it is difficult, the economy, the end of the world, natural disasters.. there are a lot of factors that make us weary. but just as these people who have already passed, who expressed these ideas to be regrets.. they mentioned them for a reason, and they stated them the way they did, for a reason. “..I’D had the courage..” “..I had LET MYSELF..”  they obviously wanted someone to learn from them. whether it be the nurse who wrote the column, or us.. who still have this chance. dont listen to the excuses, listen to your heart. and by all means, i am no wonder woman, im having just as hard a time as anyone. i have my bad days, i mope and complain. for me its baby steps.. breaking down the expectations a little at a time.. doing the things that make ME happy.

and just as a disclaimer: remember.. making yourself happy does not always mean be selfish. when you live to your true self, and not of expectation, you are also affecting those around you.. and when you are happy, it makes a positive impact.

When we are able to follow ourselves and our calling, we are happier people. we believe in everything we do. we may not always make our parents happy or even our friends, but they will always love us. or we hope so! (but that is for a whole other blog!)

..and when others see from us what is capable of life, hopefully they will look to do the same. we should learn for those who were not able to do what WE CAN do.