Category: emotion

girl-bosses can still get a B+

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Ok, I know.. sorry! Missed another day, because once again a late night.. on a school night no less! But I am forcing myself awake tonight because yesterday created today.. and it’s important for me to share.

Last night I went to a Women’s Leadership Group that my company hosts for well, women. And the purpose is fairly obvious – my industry consists of a high percentage of men, not only in regular roles but also management. We do however, have two women who hold high ranks, one being our CEO. But because in this particular industry, the majority is men, white men to be more exact, it is nice to have a company that promotes and supports women and minorities to also be successful.

The one thing I took away from last night, which happily created tonight, was that women aren’t really there for one another although the media likes to share women’s marches and protests. In reality, there are many women who openly speak down upon other women, yet call themselves “feminists”. To be part of a women’s movement, whether you call it feminism or something else, you have to actually support other women. It’s not the – Feminism is only for those who believe what I do – movement! Just like the argument of Christians – you call yourself a Christian, act like one.

And I mean don’t get me wrong, there are plenty of women of whom I don’t agree with, for example, I am not a fan of many of the women in current politics. But can we just talk about how for the first time in history it was a woman who successfully ran a presidential campaign? Why are women not acknowledging this? Is it because of the rumors of fake election processes? Is it because you don’t agree with her views? Well we also had a woman who almost became president! Who let me tell you, I was not a fan of myself, but honestly good job to her! You want to know how many girls now believe they can also be president!? But why are people complaining? Oh right, because you don’t agree with her views!? Geez. Those two examples alone provide hope and opportunity for women of the future. No matter who you like, they both are paving the way for little girls on the political spectrum.

In the more everyday atmosphere, why are women who don’t believe in abortions criticized?! What happened to Pro-Choice?! I don’t know if you know this, but NOT having an abortion is still a CHOICE! Where are all the supporting women there?! Or let’s get ugly here, why do women criticize those who have made a conscious decision that they don’t want children?! “But you don’t know until you have one”, “How can you be fulfilled without children!?” Where’s the support of, “Way to make a decision that works for you! (and not for society)”. Because I’ll tell you the sad truth, there are many women who were NOT fulfilled by having children.. millions of them. Sadly, foster care is just one example of that. So why is the woman who understands this within herself, being criticized.. BY OTHER WOMEN!?

It’s a shame really, and because of this, I always had a hard time keeping relationships with other women, because I guess I just don’t think like the “average” woman. But the past two days reminded me of the good ones out there. This event gave a wonderful outlet to share successes and challenges, progress and downfall. And although not all the women there that night were supportive of the whole, it was still wonderful to connect, and re-connect with the strong, sassy 😉 and supportive business women. To find the few who actually believe and support women causes, and women as a whole, no matter what your beliefs, is a wonderful thing.

Because who else can truly understand a woman’s struggle in the working world? Or any “world” for that matter? Not your boyfriend or hubby thats fo’ sho! Which brings me to tonight.. I was able to get together with a couple ladies in my office who also went to the event last night, and although we have known each other for years now, it was always a “show up, work, go home” sort of work-relationship. And that’s ok of course, we all don’t need to be office bffls, but it was just great to actually take time, catch up, and talk about concerns and goals: career goals, personal goals, etc..

The minute you take the time to listen to others, you can find that in all of us, there is strength and meaning. And as a woman in today’s workforce and society, being strong in some way is a necessity. I hope my women readers out there all have someone, or someones, that you can be strong with and who make you stronger. If you haven’t found some yet, keep looking – for as many half-hearted women supporters there are out in the world, I believe there are still more who actually support women as a whole, and the movement for what it’s meant to be. #girlpower

 

❤

 

 

..let it rain

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15676986778_66f13bbd60_z

Love this! I found this as I wanted to talk about time..for one thing, this perfectly describes the weather today 🙂 but more so, my current idea of ‘time’.

I mean, can we just talk about how we wake up, blink, and it’s all of a sudden 7pm?! Like, what did I even DO today!? Maybe it’s the feeling of being at work for 8 hours that takes away the meaning of a day.. and by ‘meaning’ it’s not to say that the day doesn’t mean anything, it’s just that when it goes by, I almost feel like I missed out on living.

Because for real, as much as I love Fridays when they come, I also love Mondays, and Tuesdays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays.. Because everyday is important – so how all of a sudden do I feel every day just slipping away? It’s like the days have just gotten faster on me.

So this rain quote I found, one that I now love, sort of presents a good way to look at time. As time goes by, let it go. Because we can’t control it, it will just keep going without us! Let’s remember to see days as moments, not minutes. Even through a stressful workday, find time (how ironic) to make moments – coffee moment, co-worker moment, moment for yourself.

As time keeps moving on without our permission, all we can do is make moments to keep us feeling alive. It’s a great reminder to be present, let it rain, let time go, be grateful for the weather, be grateful for now.

 

🙂

“heartbeat! you make me feel so weak!”

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Taana Gardner, I feel you girl! Not sure if I mentioned from when I wrote about my stress and anxiety a couple weeks back, but my heart palpitations have come to say hello again. This second time around isn’t as scary, although it does make me feel weak! Because I am a little afraid to run or do anything that exerts energy.

I’ve been meaning to make another doctor’s appointment, but you know, when you for some reason work in an environment that frowns upon time off, and takes no consideration when you do take time off, (in regards to work load) it’s a little difficult to make that a priority or focus. This brings me to one of my favorite quotes:

dalai-lama

My man, The Dalai Lama ❤ I so love this.. and it’s funny because as I wrote those sentences above this quote immediately popped in my brain. Why is this not memorized as a daily mantra?! Because my HEALTH should be my priority.

Ugh. When I have been doing all I can nutrition-wise all the way to drinking up to 50-oz of water a day again, and yet my skin is still dry, brittle, and sunken in.. You’d think I would be more in-tune with the issue at hand. Stress, anxiety, and now these awesome – what I like to call – mini-heartattacks. Why does life need to cost money?

Thankfully, aside from this stress that is pretty much making me sick – wait, you know something?! I was looking at past social media posts recently.. and I kid you not, in the past 5mo I counted being sick about 4 times. FOUR TIMES. That’s almost once a month! Maybe it’s not the weather after all! – I do try and live in the present at all times. Thanks to my 5-minute Journal and noting down what I am grateful for on a daily basis, it does help me to stay present and do my best to take advantage of Today.

Now if I could just find a nice balance of personal priorities and a fulfilling job, I think these palpitations would be gone for good. But why is it of all things that, THAT is the hard part? Why is having a job/career so detrimental to personal life?! When did that happen? Whatever happened to working for a greater good, to make your company proud, to build relationships that last for a lifetime? Now with most people I talk to, it’s not common to have “work-friends” rather just “work-friend” and some times no actual “friends” at all, rather just acquaintances, or just “people I work with”. And many don’t even hang out with these people outside the office or even know anything about their personal lives. We have created an office culture of just showing up to take home pennies with no regard on how this affects us personally (I’m sure certain industries may differ? but my close friends all work in different industries, and it seems to be similar). And by ‘affecting us personally’ I mean working long hours, or running on empty by the time 5pm hits and not putting yourself first.. when the only reason we have jobs is to pay for things.. for ourselves. 

I remember working in environments where managers and employees actually cared about each others well-being. We would get drinks after work on a weekly basis, celebrate birthdays, and baby showers, and weddings! And we hung out on weekends and became actual friends. Because these are the people you see more than your own family amiright!? So it made sense to create relationships.. Or maybe it’s just a New England thing, because I just realized all those work-fam experiences were when I lived in New England. Gah SoCal! 😦 #SoDissapointing

I digress.. sort of.. I just know I’m a little uncomfortable because my heart keeps break-dancing in my chest, which creates fears of being able to make quick movements. And this is created by stress, which is sadly because of my current work environment.

We can do this heart! Got to do some heart-push-ups to keep you strong.. and learn to invest in myself so I stop making you work harder than you need to ❤

 

 

 

continuing on..

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So, I’m almost done with this 56-page Positive Psychology book by Hans Henrik Knoop. Lol I want to say I’m a slow reader, but I’m not – this book just makes me have to re-read pages to understand it! I made it to the health section, but what I found even more interesting was a section about hedonic adaptation, which means:

“you get used to good things; they gradually “become the norm” so that you become blind to pleasant and well-functioning things – which seen from the outside could make you seem like an ungrateful wretch.” -HHK

It goes on a little more to talk about, how you may see yourself from the inside during those moments you ask yourself why you are not happier than you are. This was enlightening to me, not because I’ve never heard this before, because I have, but more so, it was wonderful to read that yet another psychologist has to remind us to be grateful for things.  Don’t quote me on this, but I believe it was the Gratitude Diaries by Janice Kaplan that went into more detail about this idea, in regards to: you are happiest when planning something or the anticipation of something. Sort of like planning a trip or shopping.. it’s in the doing that is the highlight versus getting to the destination, or taking objects out of a bag. There have been studies on mental outlook and emotional happiness when comparing these stages, i.e. the doing/planning vs the having. Positive Psychology also mentions this idea, though not as thorough, but the same idea of attaining something versus anticipating it.

I am riding in this boat right now.. I literally just said to a dear friend of mine recently in a conversation, “this is why I can’t have nice things”. Because for me, I am excited about getting something or doing something, but once it comes, I’m like – ok what now? Not only that, my mental state has brought me to a point of going further in the idea that, “something good has happened, now lets prepare for the bad”. I know where these feelings come from, as I wrote earlier in the month, but it still makes me sad. Because if you know me at all, I am probably one of the most grateful people out there. Literally in my 5min journal app (these apps!) every morning it asks me what I’m grateful for.. and the first is always God, second is always “Today”. Seriously, I know that sounds a little lame, but I am that person who reminds people.. there could be the alternative – so be grateful for now, it’s all we have. And maybe my stress has inflicted this, not-as-grateful feeling, or vise versa. Either way, reading another book that discusses this was a lovely reminder.

**Honestly, for those of you reading, if you get a chance, I highly, HIGHLY recommend the Gratitude Diaries. One of my absolute, favorite motivational books. 

I can honestly go on forever about gratitude and gratefulness and how they create happiness/positivity, but I’ll leave you with the basic idea of how Positive Psychology simply explained it:

Remember what you have, even after the planning/buying/anticipating is over. And be grateful for the simple things, always find them fascinating, don’t allow yourself to see them as “normal”. Because normalcy is relative when there are still countries and people without “basics” such as clean water.

When you have the mindset of gratefulness, positivity usually follows close behind 🙂

 

🙂

 

failure and the best 3 days

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Can we just talk for a sec about how sort-of fantastic the past few days have been!? Now, if I’m going to be honest, there was tragedy in the midst of my happiness. My heart still hurts thinking about it – and as I am not tied directly to this tragedy, it’s different for me. But it is a tragedy all the same.

This actually brings me to a short conversation I had with a co-worker today about how strange and sort-of sad life can be because when there is a tragedy that does not affect a mass population but say only a family.. the rest of the world lives on. When we lose a loved one.. we are who suffers, yet everyone around us carries on their day with jokes and conversation. Isn’t that strange? I don’t know, I think it is.. Because as I had one of the best weekends in a long time, and a great end to an “eh” Monday.. and yet part of me feels terrible that there is someone out there that I know of who is grieving.

And I digress.. but I do feel a sting of pain reminiscing about such a great few days – However, I am also more grateful for those moments. Just as I had written on Saturday, I spent the most beautiful day with my dad running errands and helping him get stuff done. On Sunday, which is my failure – I DIDN’T POST! 😦 – for good reason though, I was out all day and didn’t get home until 11:30pm and by the time I looked at my watch getting into bed, it was 10 past midnight.. I let the day win. But in every time we fall we get back up right?! I wasn’t going to miss today!

Anyway, Sunday was church day with my daddio, did I mention it was another perfect day weather-wise?! 😎 And afterwards I took an adventure into the mountains to go to a LuLaRoe pop-up where I knew no one. That is an important note. I knew no one. I haven’t gone anywhere on my own free will to meet people since that volleyball meet-up 4 years ago.. and if you know me at all.. you see where that got me! Broken hearts and best friends..

Well I went, and I showed up! And I met some great people! I forgot what that rush felt like. And as happy as I am with my baby-circle of friends, making connections and networking is so great, and always helpful. As I adventured back later in the afternoon, I met up with the broken-heart-turned-best-friend and we had dinner, shared some laughs, and conversed over Netflix. And as mentioned earlier, I got home late, just in time for bed.

Today was a normal Monday BUT an old high school friend of mine was traveling the coast with his wife. The weather is a little strange by the coast and been super foggy so they stopped in my neighborhood where they are staying the night before driving back up to NorCal. We were able to catch up while I ate my sushi and they ordered to-go. It had been a long day for them, and I didn’t mind at all.. I was just thrilled we got to share some time. More so, I was over ecstatic because my theory of “We are who we are, people don’t change” -Great Expectations – came to life! We chatted about how we don’t talk to anyone from high school because we sort of had the same path.. moving to a small town where everyone already knew everyone.. and not ever quite feeling like you fit in.. We talked about running into other people and they are still the same as they were 18 years ago.. except with children. It was just great to know that after the awfulness of high school we are still who we are, and we don’t suck. Lol.

I guess for me, the weekend was full of feeling great about the unexpected. And allowing it to create good things. On top of that, being grateful for what I have, what comes my way, and still having these opportunities. To be able to continue on, day-to-day, knowing there is sadness around you, but also remembering that it is in those human connections whether new, old, or  sad even, that create meaning in this life.

 

🙂

 

to forgive, or not to forgive {edited draft}

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The idea of forgiveness I’m not against, but I absolutely can’t stand how people make excuses for it. Here’s the basic definition of Forgive via a dictionary:

forgive: verb | for • give |

: to stop feeling anger toward : to stop blaming

: to stop feeling anger about

I’ve talked before (not sure if I did on this blog) that “Life is simple, it’s the people that make it complicated.” Because, talk to anyone about forgiveness and you’ll get everything from the basic answer above to several misconstrued answers that have nothing to do with forgiving at all, but instead are excuses or explanations based on a current situation.

This perception thing really hurts my soul too.. because in life, I understand that we all see things differently but,  2 + 2 will always equal 4. There are many constants in this life are are just plain fact, but with the evolution of the human mind, we use that to convolute our ideas as to why we do the things we do vs just owning the fact that we are making excuses – for whatever reason. “Because I love them”, Because it’s my child”, “Because its my Mother” , “Because.. work”. Whatever the reason, its still an excuse vs facing reality. But that’s a whole other blog post..

I digress..

Anyway, life IS simple, so is forgiveness. To forgive is simply to stop blaming and feeling angry about something. Forgiveness isn’t allowing that person or event back in your life. Forgiveness isn’t second chances. Forgiveness isn’t a blank slate. Forgiveness itself is an act, a verb – a doing of something. Therefore second chances, or allowing someone to continue to take from you in a negative way, have nothing to do with the act of forgiveness. Those actions are separate in themselves. For example, you can’t run and skate at the same time, those are two actions that are separate from each other. Most actions are this way.. Even eating and drinking.. you can argue – you take a sip of a beverage while chewing – but if you notice, you can’t chew and swallow at the same time. Again.. two separate actions.

Whether it’s me being a Christian, or just being a good person, I believe wholeheartedly in forgiveness and to forgive often.. but I don’t go inviting negativity back into my life. In being a good person, you love thy neighbor, and be kind to one another – but nowhere in those teachings does it ever say go bring back negative parts of that into your life. So when I hear, “I forgave them, thats why we got back together” or “I forgave them, that’s why I’m trusting them with my car again.” Do as you please, but if that situation was not positive in the first place, forgiveness will not make it better. Because again, forgiveness does not change anything in itself. That is a separate action and on top of that, effort, in order for something to change.

This is partially why so many expectations become disappointments. People think to forgive means it’s all better, like it never happened. It did happen, and there are still feelings involved even if anger isn’t one of them. Forgiveness opens yourself to happiness and hope, it allows you to find peace.. Not empty more space for the negative.

So go on forgive, but don’t forget. In all, forgiveness is an action for yourself, to let something go, but the reality of it all is that it is still there – it’s just that anger is no longer associated with it. Allow forgiveness to do what its meant, remove blame and anger – which in turn should move you into happiness and letting go.

 

 

don’t marry me {draft}

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i don’t ever want someone to ask me to marry them.

i want someone to ask me to love them for longer than eternity.

i want someone to ask me to stand by them until we both can no longer stand.

i want someone to ask me to be a part of their soul for a thousand forevers.

i want someone to ask me to give of myself to them until it is no longer humanly possible.

i want someone to ask me to take adventures with them for as long as memories will last.

 

I don’t ever want someone to ask me to marry them.

I don’t want until death do us part.

I want more than “marriage”.

I want only death to part us, but for forever to hold us.

The first..

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..day.

Here I am, as promised – I can do this! And don’t worry, I won’t name every post in conjunction with the days of the month. Today really feels like the first of something though. I do often feel this way this time of year because my Birthday month is officially over, and I view this time as my New Year.

But today was a little different. It began as most days do, get up, get ready, go to work.. I was feeling good, only working a 1/2 day motivated me into being productive. I got a lot done, then headed out into the most gorgeous weather.. so unexpected! It was absolutely beautiful out. I went to get lunch..

I had a paleo smoothie and a steak bowl with rice and veggies from, where else! Whole Foods 🙂 Sounds pretty decent, right? But that’s where everything changed. I don’t know if it was what I ate, or maybe the sun was confusing my senses.. But all of a sudden, I just wanted to go home. I looked at myself, having to unbutton the top button of my pants thinking.. has it really gotten to this!? I was uncomfortable.

Mind you, I’m a small person by nature anyway, but there is one time in my life where I sort of “let go” of myself so bad that I was uncomfortable. Well now, let’s make that two. The last time this happened, was about 6 years ago. A year after that, I made a huge life change.

This time around, I will admit, after the wedding I was in back in November, I pulled like a wild I’M DONE moment and wanted to eat a cookie, or 25. Stress from work did not help the situation, and I am a terrible stress-eater. I stopped going to the gym, yoga, my trainer, running. And now here I am.. almost 4 months later with my “fat” pants that now also no longer fit. I actually pulled these pants out of my year-old Salvation Army pile.. yes, that bad.. They no longer fit me. Well now, they no longer fit in a whole new way 😦

I’m sure this  happens to the best of us, where “life just keeps happening” and we “lose track of time”, and ourselves. Until that one day.. today apparently for me.. you look at yourself, and don’t even know what you’re looking at anymore.

It’s funny because this feeling has many facets.. I also felt this way right after my divorce, not in this sense of pant size necessarily, but emotionally. Then again, I also wasn’t eating at the time, so my pant size probably did make me sad at the time also. Anyway, I didn’t let myself go per say, but I lost who I was and didn’t know who was staring me in the face anymore. Point is, my health journey encompasses so many aspects of other life journeys that in a time like today, it’s sort of humbling to stare at myself and question what is actually happening to have put me in this situation.

Interestingly enough, it’s also day 1 of my personal Blog Challenge.. I almost didn’t even open up my computer. I made myself feel better by shopping online – got new “larger” pants for work, and other items sort of as punishment, because if I don’t get my act together, those items won’t fit. I can’t believe I even admitted that.

Anyway, I “forced” myself to blog today – I made myself a promise, and if there is one person I always challenge and work to make proud, it’s myself. So the plan is to use that same motivation on myself directly. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I can do this.

And to be clear, this has nothing to do with pant-size directly, but my comfort. More so, how I view myself. I don’t think anyone out there ever wants to look in a mirror and be disappointed. I didn’t want to disappoint myself by not typing at least 5 words today.. I can use that same motivation with myself.

Let’s see what other first days come out of this.

lets regroup – (another inexplicable draft)

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Can I just say.. LOL to this?!

Because once again, I’ve slacked on my writing (UGH) and come back to interesting drafts waiting for me.. Not quite sure where this was headed honestly – but I thought I might as well share it since it was in my brain once. Also, in retrospect, my 3 years here in SoCal was lovely.. the LOL idea, however, is that from when this draft started to where I am now.. more “BOOM”s happened.. and not so positive ones at that. But it’s always good to know, remember, and share the silver linings when they come.. I just wished I had finished this back in September.. nonetheless, this is where I was 4/5 months ago 🙂

 

 

<<draft_begins>>

Funny, when I first moved to SoCal, (3 years ago coming up this October.. crazy!) time seemed to move at a “normal” pace. But the minute I met some people and got a job, it’s like I can’t blink fast enough and BOOM 3 years are here. And even more of a BOOM.. this past year. Whoa I say! Simma down.. lol

Anyway, I don’t even know where to start.. work has pretty much caught fire in my life and it’s been pretty good.. not too many complaints.. today was not one of those days though, and it reminded me how much I missed this outlet. I really wished reading and writing could pay my bills, but it doesn’t and because of that, I lose a little of myself for months. Getting caught up in day-to-days.. in what’s expected of me (work-wise.. I mean we all know life-wise I do nothing of what is “expected” of me HA! And well, because that’s silly to expect things in Life.. but that’s a whole other blog post). But I digress, so continuing on.. let’s see.. the past 5 months..

Aside from work, my personal life has been pretty.. I don’t know, stagnant? I don’t like using that word.. but I’m not quite sure how else to explain. I mean I’ve been happy.. it’s weird even, because there have definitely been some changes.. But there just haven’t been rollercoasters.. just a few uphill jogs.. Nothing crazy, and well, it’s been nice.

 

fake rant.

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Haven’t posted a random rant in a while..

With my current state of instability, (I know my recent 3-yr anniversary post was uplifting, but I’ve actually been going through some emotional distress the past few weeks..) my patience has gone from 12689124325 to 0 in 2.3 seconds.

And in light of work not making life easier, I was reminded today at how damn fake people can be.

Never mind the random strangers of whom we run into on a daily basis in the coffee shop, at the bar, walking into your workplace.. etc.. there are the also the people you are required to see on a daily basis, and interact with.. more than you’re own damn family.. you guessed it. Your co-workers.

These people of whom that are supposed to be one of two things: Supportive peers who cheer you on when you do well.. and Open-armed min-friends who lift you up when things are a little down. In simple terms: Supporters and Teammates. Some select few even become good friends, and others, practically family. Most of the time though, it’s like playing a sport: get to the game work together and WIN! Then go home feeling accomplished.. hopefully. What is one of the main reasons people leave a certain job? more times than not – the people. Why do many people stay in jobs they don’t really like? (I was victim of this for 4 years before I moved to SoCal) you guessed it. The People. When there is respect, teamwork, and appreciation in the workplace, people tend to become more loyal than if it were the opposite.

Moving on however.. co-workers on the other hand, should NOT be: (although theres always a handful) fake.

And I know I’m talking co-workers here, but really this goes out to everyone.. all of you need to quit it too.

I get being courteous, and polite. But c’mon when you don’t speak to me on the reg as it is, and because I may be potentially showing my weaknesses today.. don’t be pretending you care today by saying things like: “Have a good night”.

Now, many of you will throw down the crazy card here, but hear me out.

I am so sick and tired of people who don’t actually care about your well being to say meaningless crap like this.

You know what would have been more appropriate? “Goodnight”, or even, “I’ll see you tomorrow”. Why you ask? Well because for honesty sake, these are true statements. Facts. Just like “Hello” and “Goodbye”, “Goodnight” is just a general greeting. And “I’ll see you tomorrow” (aside from all those “tomorrow is never a promise” vibes) there’s pretty much a 99.9% chance I will, in fact, see you tomorrow. When you don’t actually care about how my night will be – you’re just pulling meaningless small talk. And all that does is create awkwardness and a false sense of care. Because if you cared how my night would be, you would have asked how my day was first.

Keep it real people! I have to see you, EIGHT HOURS A FREAKIN DAY. No need for small talk. We get that enough from strangers. And YOU PEOPLE (yah I said it) are co-workers – people we are supposed to respect and work together towards a common goal with. In all my experience of playing competitive sports, teamwork does not succeed when people are fake and lie to teammates. This just creates conflict and trust issues.

Me, of all people am pretty real when it comes to life. Most people can’t handle it and thats fine. No one likes honesty. Sadly, this is a truth in our society. But if you know me at all, work with me, am friends with me, whatever.. you should know by now that I put effort where effort is due with people. If I don’t want to talk to you, I won’t – and I’ll even tell you why if you ask me.

If I’m making efforts – you got it, I care. And again, lets be clear – I’m not an asshole in the office or to the general public. I am polite, courteous, and professional. Sometimes a little sassy, but I mean, you’ve got to be when you are a female in a male-dominated industry. But back to my point, we all play favorites (stop denying it) so those I like more than others, yes, of course I make additional efforts to have lunch with you, and GENUINELY (big word here people) care about how your day is.

And I mean, there are plenty of people I work with that are just “Hello”, “Goodbye” people, we don’t mind, it doesn’t offend us! We still show up every day and do our job.

So to round this up, if you don’t care, shut your hole. If you want to care be GENUINE (AH! theres that word again!) and make an effort on a daily basis, not just when it looks like I want to punch you, or cry for that matter. (I told you, I’m a little vulnerable right now).

rant.over.