Author: NewBeginnings

Sunrises, Sunsets, Fitness, Flowers, Ice Cream and Coffee xoxo ❤️Boston❤️SoCal❤️

resolutions are not life.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 1 Comment

I dont even have to ask..

I know I’m not the only one out there who is hard on themselves. The thing with me is, I’m hard on myself about the little things. Important matters like work and relationships.. when things go wrong, I just look to find the answer and allow myself to explain why things happen. But the small things in everyday life that I think I can control.. if I feel like I miss something, it eats at me and literally pushes me into a hole.

It’s a matter of self control. I feel like I have a pretty good sense of one. However, in everyday moments I seem to make excuses for things I know I can control. Something a little as “No, I DO NOT need Buffalo Wild Wings for lunch..” Or all those times at the bar when I’m having some drinks.. I say no to a cigarette 99% of the time. But why.. why the 1%?! And when that lapse in judgment happens.. I get angry. I literally take a step back and question the things I can control. Because realistically there is little we can actually control; especially if you believe in anything spiritual, religious, or even zodiac-related. This is one of the main reasons I drive a standard; or stick-shift, as others call it.. manual.. whatever. Because I have control over my vehicle. I can control my car.. yet I forget I can’t control everyone else driving.

Either way.. WHY?! Why does this happen? I know I am everything BUT perfect.. so why have these limits on myself? Or never mind limitations, at the very least, why be so hard on myself. Why? Because I clearly have control issues. Kind of. When it comes to me, I feel I should be the only one with any credible advice towards decisions. Life on the other hand.. I let happen.. and follow where it takes me. This might not make sense to some people.. probably because it makes no sense to me either. Because I AM LIFE. I can’t control anything except my own actions.. which almost negates itself with the fact that I can’t control anything else.

This whole rant came to mind because for the past few months, I have not taken care of myself physically. More health-wise than anything else. I’ve been lazy, and eating like crap. I’ve barely exercised and my body hates me. With this new year upon us, I know you are thinking I’m about 26 days too late.. (well I’ll have you know that I control when MY year starts) I realized I am not the person I thought I was.

“Who gets to determine when the old ends and the new begins? It’s not a day on the calendar, not a birthday, not a New Year. It’s an event. Big or small. Something that changes us. Ideally, it gives us hope. A new way of living and looking at the world. Letting go of old habits, old memories. What’s important is that we never stop believing we can have a new beginning. But it’s also important to remember that amid all the crap are a few things really worth holding on to.” -Greys Anatomy

So my sad small moments made me think of many resolutions for this new year.. the problem with those resolutions was that I was just telling myself to do things that I had previously done all along. Play volleyball again, go to gym more, eat better. Things that came naturally before that are now a struggle.. why was I not controlling that? It seemed simple enough. So I decided, my moment, my letting go of bad habits.. my belief in a new beginning.. it wasn’t going to start with resolving my prior year, it was going to start with me. Me, and my move. Me and my new experiences I have had in the past three months. Me, and MY new year. Me and, well.. more me.

Because resolutions are not life. They are nothing more than un-realistic expectations that we put on ourselves to change. And I don’t need to change. I just need to be better.. and by ‘better’ I mean a better person. I just need to make myself proud because as we know, I am my biggest critic.

3 months

~ NewBeginnings ~ 6 Comments

I have been in California for three months now. Three. It feels like I’ve been here for years.

I have a job, my own little place, an amazing roommate, and I’ve even had a few sad rom com experiences with the male-kind. Everyday I wake up amazed at myself that I actually did this. I moved, 3-thousand miles away, (technically between 2,998 and 3,117mi depending on the route) and although I have family here, I had nothing else. I moved away from the only adult life I knew, the only cultures I’ve been accustomed to, and moved away form the only lifestyle that I thought mattered. I came here with no plan other than to survive. No job, no place to live.. a couple thousand in my pockets, and wide eyes. And I did this all at 31.

I was criticized by some, and I know I’m still criticized my many. But thankfully I have faith in myself, which is the only faith I need, and I made a life for myself. In three months.

In these three months I have already created my pros and cons list of the two worlds I come from. I honestly struggle everyday to figure out how I feel about them both and which ‘life’ is meant to be. I know neither place is necessarily better than the other, just different. Even so, I love both places and I am learning a lot about myself.. which really was the main reason why I moved.. to be away from everything I thought I knew and learn something new.

Here are a few things I’ve learned so far, and some things I always knew..

SoCal is more than LA and Hollywood.

California does have seasons.. it just depends where you are in the state to experience them.

In California, the beach culture is amazing.

Sadly, in a state where cultures thrive, the people are surprisingly not nearly as friendly as New England folk.. or as knowledgable of cars.

The gentlemen are in New England.

One thing I absolutely love about SoCal is that there are no societal expectations. People follow dreams here.

One thing I absolutely love about New England are the people.

I love both because there is a piece of me on each coast; one is my sunrise and one is my sunset. But one thing is for sure.. I came to a place that had no expectations of me, I came here with nothing.. and with barely 14 weeks under my belt I feel like I have everything.. except Bradley Cooper. But I’m sure that is just bound to happen.. I mean it’s only been three months.

Untitled.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Whoa.

It’s been just about a month since my last post, and once again, I have a few drafts waiting to be finished.. Until those are completed, I would like to take a second to apologize for boring all you readers with nothing new! This new life in SoCal, has provided me with a job, which from my understanding was a feat in itself being able to secure something in one month. I guess I’ll give myself a pat on the back for that. With this new job, I have clearly been busy.. and then I blinked and it was Christmas. I literally began working the day before Thanksgiving which explains my month-long hiatus.

Not sure if you are aware, but many things can happen in a month. Many things can happen in a day.. an hour even.. seconds. And this past month not only have I experienced many things personally, I have also experienced things globally. There were good and of course there were some bad.. There were more heavy rains and cyclone/tsunami-type weather in the Philippines, more cold weather and snow in the Northeast, Pacquiao lost his fight, there were more birthday parties to attend, and of course, there was the wild hustle and bustle of Black Friday kicking off the holiday shopping season.. there was also my cousin, who finally landed a job herself after being out of work for over a year, and more recently, there was a heartbreaking tragedy in CT.

I don’t want to write about tragedies, or bring back terrible memories. I also don’t want you thinking that it hadn’t affected me. I want to explain that aside from the reality-check CT has brought me, everything else that has happened has reminded me of how absolutely blessed I am. I have my family, my friends, a job, and even a new roommate! I’ve had low moments questioning some of my decisions.. but all in all, I have another day. I can’t say that I’m plain lucky, because there have definitely been some questionable moments in my life. But to still be standing here experiencing yet another moment, even one as small as writing this blog post.. it allows me to remind all of you of how equally blessed you are to be able to read this.

I have always been a very grateful person, but more so recently the minute I moved across the country. I have thanked God everyday for what I have. I am thankful for every struggle and every happy moment. It was not easy re-starting my life. As crazy-positive of a person I am by nature, at times, I felt very defeated being here. I have phone calls and texts to prove it. But in all that is down, there is up, even if it seems impossible. For this Holiday season, I have God, but to whomever you have to thank, Thank them. Even If you are not spiritual, you have your best friend, or even your mother. Be thankful. Be kind. Stop waiting for reminders.

“It always amazes me how seemingly insignificant choices in life end up being all the more significant in time. I’m constantly reminded that all situations, opportunities, and relationships are precarious. It takes only seconds to change a life.” -Brian Sicard

best form of birth control..

~ NewBeginnings ~ 5 Comments

..is other people’s children. Until you start to love them..

I knew the number one reason I wanted to move back to CA was because of family. The second reason was to follow dreams I hadn’t dreamt yet. With those dreams, I also thought I would be living the life of a socialite, a role that very much suited me in the North East.. and a role that thrives out here in the South West. However, the most social thing I have done recently is help my cousin take my niece and three of her friends to an amusement park for her 8th birthday.. with also trucking around my 16mo old nephew. Never mind the days where I’m helping watch my nephew and my other niece (who is 1yrs old).. which proves to be the greatest arm/shoulder/pectoral work out ever, but having to humor 4 third graders.. man, I forgot how exciting life as an 8yr old was. Or maybe it was more overwhelming then exciting.

Either way, I have only been in CA for 6 weeks (but it honestly feels like I’ve been here for years) so it doesn’t surprise me that I havent been able to live up to my socialite status yet. Focusing on finding a job was very life-consuming leaving me no time, or money, for friends. Also considering my perfect timing in moving.. right before the holidays.. I’ve been non-stop with family events and Thanksgiving. And of course, a month from today is Christmas. So really, my social status probably wont blossom until the new year.. which is my next challenge all in itself.

What DID surprise me though was the capability and patience (which is EXTREMELY difficult for me) I had to help take care of my nieces and nephews. Helping with homework, putting the babies down for naps, feeding, constant playing and distracting.. crazy I tell you. And more so, exhausting. I mean, I’ve never been terrible with kids, I just have absolutely no patience with them. So being able to manage screaming children and even getting them to stop? Well now, that’s a feat no one thought I would ever be able to accomplish, never mind enjoy. Theres the kicker.. I actually enjoy it. I love these kids. As crazy and wild, headache causing, and coffee requiring as they make me, Its like I’m helping nurture the future. I love the looks on their faces when they see me walk into the room. I know. I can’t believe I wrote those sentences too. And being with these crazy children makes me miss my brother and his four little ones even more. I’m starting to feel bad that I’m not able to be with them as much as I am with my cousins kids.

Now, don’t get all excited you people who know me.. I love these kids, but by no means will I start having ‘baby fever’. It is a strange emotional experience though.. that although the thought of me ever having my own children still makes me cringe, I now contemplate if I will ever have any. And Kelly, I don’t want to hear any ‘I told you so’ yet! Theres a still a long way for me to go before children ever become the forefront of my mind. For starters, there’s that socialite life I need to live first 😉 and of course, finding that someone who is worthy of me and my craziness.. in order to even make a baby.. which is far beyond important to me right now.

It’s just crazy that in 6 weeks, I fell in love with three kids. I make baby noises, I talk about Diary of a Wimpy Kid books, and I’m already planning a Christmas-movie-watching night with my cousin and my niece. I am THE auntie. I’m involved and helpful, and I’m able to give the children back! 😉 Hahaha! But honestly, that’s one thing that I am happy about though, because I always wanted to be THE auntie. We had that auntie growing up.. she wasn’t able to have children, so she raised us and treated us like her own. She was our biggest supporter, our biggest fan, and our biggest motivator. She prayed for us, took care of us, and even with me, being miles away.. she looked after us. When she passed away 3 years ago, it was the hardest thing my cousins and I ever had to deal with. It’s still hard sometimes, and like many things, we miss her most during the holidays. Maybe that’s why being THE auntie means so much to me. Because she may not have had her own, but she still had 6 children. And just like I tell my cousin every time we joke about me having kids.. I don’t need any.. because I already have 7.. which is such a perfect number. ❤

tiny rant.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 4 Comments

Okay, maybe it’s not tiny.. But being it the week of Giving Thanks.. I keep seeing something on my social pages that is really starting to eat at me. << I don’t even know if that sentence makes sense. Anyway, I keep seeing miserable people.

We all have bad days.. I’m having one today. I have other days that are tough too, but I try and keep calm because why make my surroundings miserable? It’s not the world’s fault that I’m having a bad day. But I also know that I can’t help it sometimes and that was me today. I even posted on FB that I’m grumpy and I wanted help to make it stop..!

Maybe its me, but when I have a bad day, or if I’m going through something difficult I dont find it appropriate to divulge things via social pages. Yes, I did write about one difficult moment in my life this year on my blog, but that is ONE outlet, and it wasn’t constant. It was also not written for the mere purpose of attention. It was a story. I guess my point here in this week of Giving Thanks, is that I have seen many posts lately about people going through difficult times.. and “some days are worse than others”.. posting dramatic explanations of life and love and heartache.. People posting about how miserable life is.. Reaching out to their FB/twitter/whatever else you might use – family just to create a rise out of people.. In order for people to comment with sob similarities and some others who provide motivational mini speeches. I completely understand that during holiday seasons, what seems bad enough already, becomes a little more discontent.. I’ve actually seen it first hand in a bar on Christmas Eve once.

A major reoccurring theme during the holidays are people who worry about being single.. I get it. I myself will be spending my first Thanksgiving and Christmas in 5 years.. alone. Call me crazy, call me different, call me a liar, but my explanation to people and my thoughts on this are that no matter what coast I would be spending this first holiday season alone, I know I have people who love me, and I am not spending it alone. I have family, I have friends. More important, I have myself. We dont get those moments often, time to spend on ourselves.. and although nothing beats having companionship, what kind of companions can we really be without loving ourselves and experiencing the holidays in a light where you can see how others actually are. Seeing for once that without the fog of depending on someone, no relationship is perfect, no life is perfect. People are not perfect.

So rather than vent out daily, hourly, or every few minutes even, why not actually see the holidays, or every day for that matter, for what they are meant for.. Family/Friends: whether its by blood or by fate, without family and friends we would litterally have nothing. Being Thankful: nothing will ever be perfect, everything happens for a reason, and there is a time and place for everything. A bad day for me is obviously different for other people, but we should always be aware of what we actually have and how grateful it is to have those things. To be able to wake up everyday and have another chance that many people don’t have. Not just today, not just this week, but always. We can never control what happens around us or what people do to us, but we can always control our own actions and reactions.

I mean really, why do some people feel like they are the only people who ever had problems? No one else in the world or on FB, or twitter.. ever went through a break up? No one else ever lost their job? No one else ever fought with their family? No one else is hurting on the inside? No one else ever had a bad day..?! And come on, how many times can someone say “Don’t worry, things will get better”, ” You are stronger than that”, “Tomorrow is another day..” We know this already, why must we be constantly reminded? It’s like knowing 1+1=2 but still asking for the answer. Maybe this is another mini motivational speech for all the downers, but seriously, how many times do we need to hear it?! And when did social networking become a platform for public whining? How many moments will it take for us to be grateful for what we have?! To be grateful for the small things in front of us.. for just making it another day.. just breathing one more breath..

“Maybe we’re not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. Maybe being grateful means recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciating small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we’re thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we’re thankful for the things we’ll never know. At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing is reason enough to celebrate.” -Grey’s Anatomy

writing has feelings too.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

Writing. It is such a powerful thing to be able to do. It provides new ideas, explains situations, tells a story, and in some instances, inflicts emotion.

Emotion: n. A state of feeling. A conscious mental reaction subjectively experienced as strong feeling usually directed toward a specific object and typically accompanied by physiological and behavioral changes in the body.

Emotion is a crazy thing. It allows you to feel out a situation and express yourself. Emotion can change your perspective on life, it can even make or break you. It is the very aspect of our being that allows us to connect to others.

Now.. writing and emotion.. this is a tricky thing. As stated, in some instances writing can inflict emotion.. however, unless you are reading a very well written novel, you can’t find proper expressions of emotion. Classic novels aside, lets talk about everyday writing. Like this blog, it is difficult to see exactly how a writer feels from their words. Even some novels, (which is why I stated ‘some instances’) one cannot tell the emotion from the writer. In this entire post for example, I could be sitting here laughing hysterically reading out the definition of Emotion, over enunciating certain words, and making a mockery of my ideas.. Even with as many emojis 🙂 , underlines, italics, bold letters, or even bold italic underlines, expressing emotion through writing is difficult. You can’t hear tone, you can’t see a facial expression. And that is what emotion is.. ‘a strong feeling.. typically accompanied by behavioral changes in the body.’

So in all our Facebook statues, all our tweets, and all the blogs we read.. all we have in interpreting writing from someone, is our knowledge of them. It’s knowing what they sound like, knowing their tone, knowing facial expressions, eyebrow raises, smirks.. Without that, the perception idea comes back to mind.. writing becomes part of the world of assumptions. We have to remember that what we think the emotions are of what someone writes, may not be what the writer intended, or even what other people are thinking. And not to throw this into a 3rd dimension again, but what we respond with is also under the same discretion since those who do not know us will read without knowing how we feel. They are just words on a screen. I have seen many internet fights because of this, even on my own pages. I myself have had to reach out to the people who know me to remind them that other people will not understand my ideas, never mind their comments, so to be prepared for back lash..

And then I bring myself down to reality and think.. ‘It doesn’t matter what these people think of my words.. they don’t know me!’ But it does matter. Why?! Because even people who know me best still mis-interpret my words.. because again, they still can’t see me. They sometimes can’t determine if I’m serious, or sarcastic. I have to literally say ‘I’m serious.’ Now those situations are not common, but even still, it makes me think of the people I don’t know very well that I am getting to know now. Especially here, in what some people like to call LALA Land.. where drama is hiding behind every corner.. the entertainment and media industry focusing on every word, spoken, sung, or written.. I sometimes forget these people do not know me yet.. They’ve only tasted the icing.. and I’m a whole lot of cake!

Maybe it’s because I am in a new world, with little connections, as well as being recently single.. that I am more aware of what my messages interpret as. I can’t stand having to explain myself.. so I try to be more careful. But in all our writings, whether it be Facebook, twitter, texting, messaging.. remember that all the emoji in the world won’t be able to express your actual emotion. I don’t think its anything we can change, or fix..(unless we all just start posting video of ourselves) we can just be aware of it.

So, if I offend anyone, or give off the impression that I’m interested.. NO. No, I’m not sorry. You just don’t know me and there is not much I can do about interpretations of my written word. I can do my best, but it will never be perfect to everyone. But maybe, just maybe, one day everyone will be able to know and experience the honest-fun-enthusiastic-craziness that is Posh.. Maybe. And then all the critics can suck it.

“Those who know, don’t talk. And those who talk, don’t know.” -@CoffeeCocktail

do you see what I see?

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

In my previous posts I mention that perception is reality. A while back, I was confronted about a situation and I still don’t quite know what I had to do with it.. honestly, (theres that honesty again!) not many people really understood it either, except for maybe the people involved.. Even then, I don’t know if they quite understood it either. Anyway, without being anymore vague, this situation left me rather defeated. Everything that was happening was really out of my control. The only unfortunate part in all this, was that what I had perceived of the situation was not what the confronter was trying to explain. So in true honesty fashion, I presented my concern to said confronter. I knew my thoughts were not going to change anything, nor did I want them to, and I didn’t quite care what the explanation was, I just needed to get my feelings out. After an exchange of emotion, and a try at making me feel less miserable about myself, I realized: It didn’t matter what I thought, or what anyone thought. Nothing mattered. The situation practically didn’t exist anymore.. because no matter what was said, or who thought what, my perception was not going to change. And neither was the opposing side.

Perception (from the Latin perceptio, percipio)n. is the organization, identification and interpretation of sensory information in order to represent and understand the environment.

Perception. Its an interpretation.. of sensory information. Every.single.person. interprets or perceives their environment differently. 5 people see a car accident, you get 5 different explanations. It doesn’t even matter how close any of the explanations are.. something will be slightly off. Whether it be something as technical as the color of clothing the driver was wearing, or as basic as ‘who hit who’, every perceived story, every explanation, will be different.

Knowing this, it opened my eyes to an entirely different perspective as to why things are the way they are in life. Now I’m not trying to throw you into a 3rd dimension of thought or anything, but think about it. Something as little as friendships are viewed differently by different people. Why do you think some people get jealous of relationships and others don’t? Because peoples interpretations are not the same. Here’s an easy explanation: I have a friend who is male, and we have been friends since high school. Our relationship has always been platonic, there has never even been an awkward hug. However, being the social media freak I can be sometimes, I was advised to not mention or tag him with me every time we would meet up;  even if it was just a simple coffee break. The independent part of me was all up in arms because really, I had nothing to hide.. it was ridiculous. Anyone who knew us at all would state the same. However, even though I had met his girlfriend on several occasions, we did not have the same friends. And those friends who didn’t know me, would potentially perceive me to be some sort of wild hussy. And again, no matter the explanation to these people.. just like the initial vague story of explanation to me, it wasn’t going to change our perception. I will still think its ridiculous and they will still think I’m a wild hussy, because that is our reality. That is what we see.

Taking it a little further is the 3rd wheel scenario. I never knew this even existed until recently, and it made me re-evaluate every friendship I ever had. In friendships, especially in multiples, someone always feels left out. Sometimes it’s for different reasons, but that someone, is everyone. Everyone is the 3rd wheel. I feel this way in a friendship I have, and strangely enough, one of my friends also felt the same to some degree, and for similar reasons. Again, it changes nothing. We can’t change how we feel.. we cant change our ‘sensory information.’ Its our reality, its what we see, its how we feel. No matter what dynamic happens in the friendship, we may always feel this way. I say ‘may’ because of course its possible to change ones perception of something, anything is possible. With that, however, we have to remember that if our perception changes, so doesn’t someone else’s. And we are back to square one.

This is why even people in the same political party or even the same religion still argue with each other. This is why there will never be a ‘right’ call on the football field, or basketball court, or baseball diamond. This is why there is conflict in our world. Every.single.day we forget about perception. We forget that what reality is to us, may not be to someone else. And sometimes we forget to see, or try to understand, someone else’s reality. The whole point to life is to find out who you are and be an individual.. to think for yourself. So then why are we constantly working so hard trying to make others think or see things the way we do? Or vise versa. See life the way you see it.. just remember no one else has your eyes.

“Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” -Lao Tzu

ignore-ance.

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

..is what i like to call it.. because the ignorer has no idea how the ignoree feels.. and therefore, they are ignorant.

If you haven’t caught on from my one sentence rant, my biggest pet peeve.. next to not saying ‘bless you’ when someone sneezes..(I dont care what religion you are, make up another phrase if you have to) or ‘thank you’ when you hold a door open.. (you know, common courtesy?!) is being ignored. I mean, I dont know many people who really enjoy it.. and of course, like most of my posts, I too, am a perpetrator. I am a mean person who has also ignored people. Maybe this is karma..

This gets me to thinking though, about how I treat people, and what things I have done to be on someones ‘pet peeve’ list. The minute I finished writing the first sentence to this post I immediately felt terrible for the people I have ignored. I found myself on the other side. You start asking yourself questions.. Did they read it? Did they listen to my voice mail? With technology these days sometimes you know when they have, which leads you to more questions: Did I offend them? Do they not care? What is going on?! How much time is appropriate before I should even be asking myself these questions?

“Whoever said ‘What you don’t know can’t hurt you,’ was a complete and total moron. Because for most people I know, not knowing is the worst feeling in the world.” -Greys

The only problem is, although I care about being ignored, other people might not even care at all if I respond to them. That’s another mystery in life I guess.. Or maybe its not. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again.. ‘perception is reality.’ 5 people see a car accident, you get 5 different explanations. I think someone is ignoring me, they think they’re not, and vice versa. But even with our differences in perception, we should all be a little more considerate when people reach out to us, ask us questions, or offer information or assistance. When it comes to ignoring someone, I think there are simple, general guidelines that may help us to STOP IGNORING people. You all stop being jerks, and I will too.

– If someone asks you a question, answer it.

-If you’re not interested, say so. (didn’t I post about honesty recently?)

-If you feel bad because time has passed, don’t continue wasting time.. remember people ‘forgive’ but they don’t ‘forget’. You don’t even have to apologize, say something simple like.. ‘oops!’

-Be courteous. You never know when that person will magically pop back into your life. Damn that karma.

-Remember what it feels like to be on the other side. It sucks.

pros and cons.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 2 Comments

With all the changes I have experienced in the past month, as well as going deeper into single-dom.. I have found more interesting things about myself. Having nothing to do but think the past few weeks has made me understand what makes me interesting.. and here’s a short list of my findings.

Top 10 Reasons Why I’m AWESOME:

1. I am a realist. I like to present all sides and options of a situation because things CAN go terrible, but that CAN also go great! I, however, like to think of myself as more of an optimistic realist because, somehow, without even trying, I find good in everything and anything that happens. No matter how terrible the situation.

2. I am honest. I’m a terrible liar and I don’t see the point of not allowing yourself to express how you feel. Even if it doesn’t change a situation, honesty only creates more trust.

3. I am the  bestest  friend anyone can have. I value friendships because they are the only family I have. I am always there in need, even if I havent spoken to you in years.

4. I put others before myself. I naturally enjoy helping others. It could be something as important as work, or something as small as dinner. I know I will survive and can take care of myself  no matter the situation, so I let others go first.

5. I am independent. Just as I mentioned, I know how to survive and take care of myself. Aside from one instance, I have pretty much been able to figure shit out. Whether I had to couch hop and live out of my car, or not have cable/internet for years, I still paid my bills, did not go without food, and have always had a job.. and actually, a gym membership.. hmmm shows where my priorities are at. It’s ME who makes things happen.

6. Im a go-getter.I don’t wait for things to happen, or at least I don’t like to. I’m normally the one asking guys out, or making the first move. I don’t give up on job hunts and I always have a plan B, C, D, and however many other letters there are in the alphabet. I’ll take a set back, a road bump, I’ll even take being bad at something.. but I’ll at least do it. Because, “Even the biggest failure, even the worst most intractable mistake beats the hell out of never trying.” -Greys

7.  I’m half hippie. I’m a dreamer. Without dreams I would have no thoughts and no aspirations. I wouldn’t have known what I wanted to be when I grew up, or even what I want to be after I grow up. I believe in world peace and saving the planet. I believe everything that we call ‘life’ can change in a split second and therefore we should take nothing for granted.

8. I’m outgoing. I consider myself a good sort of crazy. I love experiencing new things and meeting new people. I’ll try anything at least once because “Life begins at the end of your comfort zone..” It’s the people in the world and the experiences you have that make life what it is.

9. I’m a hopeless romantic. I can make a personal rom com out of almost anything. I believe in love and everything it stands for. All-encompassing-butterfly-knots-stomach-churning-love. It’s that good kind of pain that makes you never want to let the other person go.. ever. And you’re happy.. forever.. because its a rom com. And I don’t care because I believe in all of it. I believe in someone finding me, and sweeping me off my feet. I believe in a good chase, a courtship, chivalry. As I mentioned, I usually make the first move because realistically, romance and chivalry are almost extinct. But that doesn’t mean I have to give up hope.

10. I’m hysterical. I love to laugh, even on the worst of days a good laugh makes it a little better. I am sarcastic in nature which creates the hysteria, and it makes for the best inside jokes. I can pretty much make anything funny if I think about it long enough. Heck, I’ve even made taking out trash a good time.

Top 10 Reasons Why I SUCK: 

1. I am a realist. I’m always able to see both or all sides of a situation. Sometimes, all that does is put me in the middle of arguments or leave people thinking I can’t make up my mind.

2. I am honest. Sometimes too honest and it comes across as being bitchy. I didn’t think it was possible, but apparently some people don’t like the truth. And guess what, I don’t care because who wants to live in a world full of lies?! (am I being too honest again? or is that bitchy?)

3. I am the  bestest  friend anyone can have. Sometimes so good of a friend that I get taken advantage of.. which happens, a lot. In turn, it makes me question the friends I have.

4. I put others before myself. Sometimes so much that I forget to take care of myself and I lose my priorities.

5. I am independent. Sometimes so much so that I push people away and end up alone.

6. Im a go-getter. Sometimes so ambitious that I come across as aggressive.

7. I’m half hippie. Not all dreams become reality, and it leads to others thinking I’m an airhead, stupid, live in a fantasy land, or have no goals.

8. I’m outgoing. Sometimes so outgoing that I intimidate people.

9. I’m a hopeless romantic. So much so that I don’t know if I can ever love again.. because “The castle, well it may not be a castle..” Rom-coms are great, but they are not necessarily realistic, so I just keep waiting.. I refuse to settle but I know how to compromise, and not everyone can see the difference.

10. I’m hysterical. Sometimes my sense of humor and natural light-ness come across as I don’t care or I don’t take things seriously enough. This judgment is untrue, I take many things seriously, I just do not see the point of making a situation somber that is serious.. because there IS a difference.

To think, this was my SHORT list.. Yes, I know I’m clever, but I’m also right. All amazing things about someone can also be their downfall, and vise versa. Perception is reality so we have to remember to humble ourselves occasionally (putting other before me) because we are different for a reason. I don’t want to like what you like, because its not necessarily what I like. And remember, we are not changing who we are, we are just looking to understand ourselves more (my hippie side) and the good in every situation. (my optimistic realism) 🙂

Go.

~ NewBeginnings ~ 5 Comments

I have at least 3 posts waiting to be finished.. I had so many ideas before I up and moved cross-country, and unfortunately it’s only been a few days.. so I haven’t found anything to call home yet where I can let my thoughts finish. I’ve barely found a Starbucks I like! But through the past few days, and even the days leading up to my departure from New England, I have been pulling at strings inside me only to try and cut some loose. Whether it be a failed test, a lost game, a relationship, a fight, or even moving, we have trouble accepting loss.. sometimes we think of it as failure.

The hardest thing in life is letting something go. Even through all the cliches of “everything happens for a reason”, we still take to heart moments that we should not hold on to. Maybe I should clarify.. it’s not that we should or shouldn’t hold on to these emotions, but many times we sit around and ‘wait’ for that second chance. We hope for someone to come back to us, or for karma to come ‘full circle’. We forget that letting go allows us to make a change or find something better, or makes us better. It allows us to learn. I, for example, have learned that sometimes there are no second chances. You can’t replay a game, and you can’t always re-take a test. And when it comes to relationships, we have to remember that yes, people come into our lives for a reason, but “God often removes people from your life for a reason, think before chasing after them.” -@coffee&cocktails. Do you know how many ex-boyfriends I thought were coming back?! Almost all of them. And how many did?  ___ this many.

Whether its friendships or partnerships, everyone has an expiration date in our lives. This sounds terrible I know, because some DO stand the test of time, but some are just longer than others, some are only for a day, some are only meant to bump into you on the subway and comment on the color of your shirt.. because that 3 seconds made your bad day better.. and some, only some, like library books, can be borrowed again when needed. One of my bestest friends was out of my life for about 4 years. We both never ‘chased’ each other, or fought to understand why we stopped speaking. What we both did, however, was let each other go. And its not that we banished each other from our lives, or were pompous jerks who snubbed each other, we just understood that there was a reason we stopped talking. We both learned a lot about ourselves, and not to sound super lame, but at the most perfect time, we found each other again. Even after so many years of being out of each others lives, one thing never changed, we still understood each other. We talked through the past.. and although it didn’t make sense 4 years ago, it all made sense now. This is one of few scenarios where that letting-someone-you-love-go-and-they-come-back-and-all-that-jazz.. rang true. The moment you let go of something or someone is the very moment everything makes sense. You become who you are again, and sometimes you realize that the something or someone you were stuck to, wasn’t even worth it at all. You are able to see everything from the outside. And sometimes, you even understand what it feels like to be on the other side. An example that this friend explained to me was.. “I was thinking, if I was just walking down the street and I didn’t know you at all, would I still want to talk to you or ask you for directions? As a stranger? Would you be someone I would want to talk to? ..And I answered YES.” After that conversation, I could name a few people that I would still want to talk to, but I also could name a few I wouldn’t want to talk to.. even as strangers.. and it made me realize again the glory of letting those people go.

“Sometimes you have to realize some people can stay in your heart, but not in your life.” -@iamprincekash

Because some people and some moments aren’t meant to be in your life forever. No matter how long they have been there already, we all know the past does not create the future. The past can’t ever change, but the future always will. So, of all the heartache, tears, and emotional turmoil.. all the scenarios I made in my head with ex-boyfriends.. (Ive been making rom com’s for years apparently!), all the old friends, and bad days at work.. If I had held on to every emotion.. every moment.. I would have never made a life for myself in New England. I would have never made the friends I have today. I would have been stuck in a terrible, emotionally damaging, relationship. I would still be crying driving on my way to work. I would still be fighting with friends who make bad decisions then question why bad things happen to them. With letting something go, even if its as small as a bad day, it allows you to see what is in front of you, and to show you that even the simplest of things, that are right in front of your face, can be amazing. It shows you the friends who stand by your side, the life you can create from the unknown, the crush who can turn into something more, and the endless possibilities of what fate has to offer.

We only only have one life. We only get one. Once chance. There are no second chances when it comes to life, so why would we ever assume that there are second chances IN life. YOLO all you want, but if you don’t stand by the idea, you weigh yourself down. Every day is a new beginning and with that should be finding something new to let go of. Think about what weighs you down, what lies heavy on your heart. Cut one more string. You’ll be able to breathe a little easier.

If I had stayed a miserable 13yr old who didn’t want to make friends, would I have ever become the crazy-confident-self-loving girl who thought moving back to CA would be a great idea?! Without cutting a few strings, I may have never taken a step forward. So here’s to you New England, as I pour out some champagne for you, know that I will never forget you.. and as days go on, I might pull another string off.. no worries though, because if I love some of you enough, you’ll come back right? Or does that mean I’ll go back..?

“Maybe the past is like an anchor holding us back. Maybe you have to let go of who you were to become who you will be.” -S&TC