Month: August 2018

I don’t know what to call this

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

The past is a funny thing.

I leave in two weeks on a jet plane.. and DO know when I’ll be back again.. And every trip I take, especially if it exceeds 3 days, I always clean up my apartment. Every piece of laundry gets done – especially towels and sheets. I dust like I’ve never dusted before, and go through corners of my place I haven’t looked at since the last trip.

And every time.. I swear it never fails.. I always find a certain photo album (or two).. wait, do y’all know what photo albums are?! Lol. These particular ones are stored on the shelf of one of my tables. And I have to move them to dust all the corners. I don’t clean this thorough every time as I mentioned, but I’ll be away for a bit this time. So anyway, if I’m getting this OCD, I of course open them.

The years range from college until about 2006 or 2007 I think? Which were my years of bad decisions.. and hilarity, if I’m gonna be honest lol. Looking through, there were SO MANY emotional moments, good memories, and several uncomfortable pulls to the heart strings.

I remember other times looking through these and thinking, “If I could have one day back there..”

But now, whether it be letting a lot of that go, (which I have been working on as we know) or just being extremely happy and grateful where I am now, I didn’t have that thought pop in my head.

It was weird really. Because there are still so many good feelings from those days and I sort of felt bad thinking, “Why would I NOT want to spend just one more day there?” But of course, I know why. If there is just one thing I’ve learned these past, what did I say in my last post? 60 days? Lol, is that the past is exactly what it is – past tense. Behind us. Not happening now.

And as much as my heart warmed to see a few old faces, and even searching (and finding!) someone on Facebook, (although I don’t think it’s someone I can be “friends” with) with happiness to see them doing well – from a social media standpoint, that is – I just sat there, looked around me, remembered what I was doing, and thought about the current people in my life. More so, realizing that 2 of my people are people from those times, and know WAY TOO MUCH about me, Lol.

Point is, I’m here now. So much of our time is spent talking or thinking about yesterday that sometimes we forget what’s happening in front of us. Or even, what possibilities are waiting for us tomorrow. And as I’m learning how important it is to allow your past to be free, today was a great reminder because of how far I’ve come.

Don’t get me wrong, reminiscing is wonderful. Wondering how people are doing is wonderful. So many moments from yesterday are wonderful. But as wonderful (or not) the past may be, we have to remember not to stay there too long because even the “good” can hold you back from the “better” that today and tomorrow have.

And some may argue about people coming back and moments resurfacing, but be mindful, a person from your “past” that you see today, is now a person in your “present”. Make sense? I mean I can’t tell you if that’s a good decision or not, lol, maybe it’s a career contact? But point is, every day is a new beginning. Every day you are farther away from birth. Life changes in seconds, never mind minutes. So to be worried about or trying to relive anything from yesterday just holds you back from where you are now, which is where you are meant to be.

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UPDATE!

I never posted this, so.. I’ll pick up where I left off.

I went on that trip, lol and re-reading this draft was perfect because the trip was perfect. I saw MANY people from my “past” whether planned or unplanned. And I roamed land I haven’t seen in YEARS.

It was honestly one of the best trips I have had in a while. And it’s a perfect ending to this post. Because one of the best parts of this trip was realizing the whole “past” and “present” idea. And how we, as people, never change. Life does. What we do does, who we keep close with does, careers change, but our innate personalities and beings do not.

More so, how we interact or connect with people – it does change, but when you have certain people in your life, what’s that I said? “We picked up where we left off.. it’s like we never stopped talking.”

Yes! This is where past and present collide. The people you feel this way about, they are meant to be in the present. Seriously – a few people I saw the past week, it literally was like – what year is it?! Our lives may have changed, but we still had those connections – nothing forced, just the comfort of something that feels like it’s meant to be here today. At one point during my first night in town after an amazing surprise.. I said, “I’m just sitting here trying to figure out how the hell the 4 of us ended up here, lol!” Because we were not sitting there living in yesterday, we were there in the present, talking, reminiscing, making new memories. When it came to memories, the conversation tied more to where we are now, and how far we all have come. It was today we were experiencing, and embracing, and talking about. And then we started to plan for tomorrow.

So I guess to bring this full circle, the past is where it is for a reason. Let it go. Find closure. Keep your heart open and let it pass through. But people – I hate being super cheese but, if people are meant to be, they never stay behind. They never “come back.” Time may pass, but connections never fade. They are always here. In the present.

And this is where we should be focused to stay, present. Everyday is a new beginning.

My dear friends, use that to your advantage.

 

❤

 

karma: kara with an “m”

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I literally just realized my name was a sister to karma. Which I guess is perfect for me based on my views about the universe, God, and energies. What you give, is truly what you receive. Although in some instances the circle closes later than planned, but it all still comes back around eventually.

Just yesterday, I snapped a photo with a long-ass caption (that I’m unfortunately known for doing – sorry! #loveyoumeanit) And it was about how karma is a bitch through good and bad.  Because as much as we want to believe only the good will come around.. we forget our shitty decisions, actions, words, and energies we have spread out there also.

The past 60 days (too specific? lol) have been rather wonderful on a personal level. But just as I’m embracing all the goodness, wonder, and exciting changes, I noticed some aspects have been a little “sad” maybe? I don’t know if “sad” is the right word, but I’ve just realized that in terms of relationships/friendships, The way I have treated some people has come back and just slapped me in the ass, and not in a good way either. <<insert_proper_emoji_here>>

You see, I have a large character flaw, shocking! I know, lol. I’ve never been good dealing with the people I love making bad decisions or doing terrible things. (probably because I have done so many terrible things in my life, I try to keep my people from going through similar episodes. I definitely did NOT enjoy learning the hard way) I have a hard time supporting people when I don’t necessarily agree with their views. I mean, those who have made it through my berating or ignoring, or even being cut out of my life, have a better relationship with me now more than ever, but the thing is, even if it is right to cut someone out, that still creates a negative energy. Cutting = closing. When you close a door, another does not necessarily open. Sometimes it’s just a window. And sometimes, you just closed yourself into a room with no outlet.

On top of energies, what we forget is that all situations are different. No matter how similar a relationship/friendship is or an experience is, they are still a specific and individual moment that does not, and really, cannot be the “same” as any other moment. Because each moment we experience is defined by a number of things: age (and by age I mean where we were – I experienced things at 21 the same time as some 31yr olds and even some 18yr olds, so this is a relative term, but important based on where we were at the time), money, family, was Mercury in Retrograde?! (serious question), the year – was this 9/11?! (serious question).

Point is, there are so many factors in any given moment, that we can’t compare them to another similar moment. I mean, I guess we CAN compare them and talk about the similarities, but if that is the case, we also NEED to talk about the differences. We just have to stop generalizing experiences because no, Steven, is NOT like Sam. Sam was born in January and Steven was born in August. Sam was adopted, and Steven has 3 siblings. Just because both might have been terrible kissers, or whatever, doesn’t mean each moment with them was the same. They both came from different experiences, different ideals, and different lives all together.

So I guess the point in all this is that the karma that comes and goes has nothing to do if you broke up with 10 people via sticky-note – although still a terrible idea. But it does have to do about the energy you brought to that experience. 7 of those break-ups may have deserved that sticky, and that’s their karma. Because as I mentioned previously, sometimes, you do need to let some people go but it is in how you deal with that situation that matters. Should I have just cut some people out of my life? Yes. Is that how I should deal with all issues in my relationships/friendships? Hard NO. Because another thing about karma: sometimes, there are no second chances.

And although I talk a lot about relationships, energies matter in all things, big and small. If you’re just straight up rude to a waiter for no reason, boo you. If you’re a little irritated because they are being rude, that’s ok – but remember, you can control your reaction. Don’t allow yourself to be thrown into the karma circle because of someone else’s negative energy. Just as I hash-tagged on my snap: #stopthecycle. << On that note, if you are experiencing some not-so-fun karma back at you, as I have been recently, remember to keep yourself, or as I like to say, your heart open. Allow this to move through you and more important, don’t fight it. Or you will continue the “negative” cycle.

Learn to understand that when bad karma comes back at you, it’s ok. We are not perfect, and like I said, we are super shitty sometimes. So don’t start assuming life is just breaking down, or everyone and everything is just out to get you. Karma is just life’s way to remind you to stop being shitty, because you can control that. And of course, on the positive end, karma is also life’s way to give back the goodness you gave.

So to all you out there that I may have inflicted some negative energy on, I hope you know karma was watching. And even better, karma is watching you too, hehe. 😉

Here’s to learning, and growing, and staying open to all energies. Let’s remember that ALL situations are separate and individual no matter how similar. And let’s work on focusing more on the good and understanding that the bad is controllable and the cycle can be stopped.

#stopthecycle

❤

let’s be honest.. (another mash-up)

~ NewBeginnings ~ Leave a comment

I started this in 2015.. and I believe I know where this was coming from, and where it may have been going, so I’m just gonna leave this right here to post since it’s been sitting in drafts for 3 years lol. Also, I found it rather interesting I was writing about my thoughts on doing what I’m “supposed” to do, especially to see where I am recently – I’ve been evolving for years! 🙂

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(Nov 2015)

What is it about patience that is so difficult?

I mean I’ve given a lot of my time.. A lot. A lot of effort.. A whole lot.

Iv’e given a lot of energy, and love, and commitment.. Omg, SO MUCH of those.

Is that what it is? That with patience.. you just never know how much longer you’re “supposed” to wait..

But.. If you’re reading this and know anything about me, you know I don’t believe in things you are “supposed” to do.

Which brings me to another point – I feel like thats what I’ve been doing.

UGH. I’m tired.

I’m tired of feeling invaluable.

I think about how I’ve dealt with things in the past. At least from my own view, I’m not proud of those moments.

I feel like I’ve finally come to a point where I have made proper decisions based on what has been handed to me.

I’ve stayed, as others would say, mature.. Lol

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(Aug 2018)

Just based on where I am now, I’m going to make a pretty good assumption that I was tired of living based on what I was “supposed” to do, expectation, and settling. On top of that, I wish I had time to elaborate on the patience question. That will have to wait for another post.

But in a quick note, I know from where I was then, and where I am now, I have learned patience is not easy. It takes practice, hope, and understanding. And patience is not so much the aspect of “waiting” as it is mentally and emotionally preparing for what’s to come. On top of that, patience also reminds us of our journey. Life will always happen when it’s good and ready to happen to us, because our journey is ours, on our own separate timeline.

Remember to focus on your journey, not others’ journeys, or where some people may want you to go. Practice patience, or at least mental and emotional preparation for what is meant for you.

 

❤